Phateless Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Ok here goes. Some of you remember the whole thing. -close female friend, harry/sally kinda thing -almost dated at first but decided not to -i have feelings, no clue if she returns -she always reminds me we're friends but gets mad if i show interest in her friends -occasionally asks me to do unreasonable favors (get her dinner from a restaurant while she watches tv) -recently i said something i really shouldn't have and she got mad, but i apologized and she said it was fine -now we don't talk - she blows me off if i try to IM or call her, then complained i never try to contact her, then i try more and she shuts me down again -my b-day, she left me a facebook comment at 2:43 am. "happy birthday!" - that was it. -we used to talk almost every day, she would almost always IM me, now it's absolutely zero. I took her off my buddy list cuz i'm tired of thinking about it. WTF is this girl thinking? should I go out of my way to seek her out and ask if she's still mad? i know that would bury me deeper in the friend zone. should i let this go completely? She's only 20 (i'm 27) so should i just let a couple of years pass and then contact her when she's not being young and retarded anymore? I'm sooo lost... I have pretty deep feelings for this girl and I want her in my life. I know consciously that at this point in time she's all wrong for me to date, but I love hanging out and being with her, even in a friendship way. Recently, just before all this started happening I was getting to the point of either confessing my feelings or ceasing to hang out with her anyway. Maybe she made the decision for me? There's all sorts of anecdotes but I've already written too much. -she got furious when i hooked up with her friend -sounded weird or defensive on two occasions when i showed interest in other friends of hers -constantly reminds me that we're just friends and tells me about her guy stuff, and asks about my love-life as well, although sometimes i don't think she cares.
bogota Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 This actually reminds me a bit of a friend of mine... Ultimately, there are two things you have to consider: 1. you don't know what's going on in her life, it could be that she has good reasons for behaving the way she does. sometimes people have stuff going on in their lives. 2. you've got to protect yourself. Staying in a toxic friendship, no matter how deep your feelings, is just not a good idea. If she's not going to open up and tell you what's going on, then that forces you to evaluate your friendship in terms of yourself, and that's what you have to do.
Author Phateless Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 That's kinda what I've been thinking. It just sucks to lose someone you care so much about. We really do have a very strong bond. It's hard to let it go.
Florida Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 This all sounds so strange, I can't even guess what she is thinking. I'm as confused as you must feel too. I don't have any advice, just go with your gut. Maybe one day you'll have an urge to call her up and say "what happened there?" but the good news is...you are free. Even if it is so muddled with mystery.
brothermartin Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Two words man, WALK AWAY. She's too young and too immature and too insecure and too "retarded" to be anything other than drama in your life right now. Stop sleeping with her friends and stop doing her favors. She setting you up.
Author Phateless Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 I made out with one of her friends, didn't sleep with her. I know at least one other of her friends that's interested. But yeah you're probably right. The worst part is that she can't even see it herself.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 I don't think she has the same feeling for you as you do for her. Possessiveness does not equal affection it comes from insecurity. (Her own). Also, why would you "hook up" with one of her friends? Why not find others outside of her circle. Is it to get her jealous? Also, 7 years is too much time 20/27. She technically can't go to a bar. She's not in the same emotional arena as you. What did you say to make her mad? Find someone a bit more mature and more on away from her and her friends. You will be much happier with a woman who is more confident and established.
Author Phateless Posted December 21, 2007 Author Posted December 21, 2007 You guys are right and that's what I'm trying to do. The girls aren't close friends of hers at all, more like acquaintances now. But yeah... Any other girl and I'd just give up on her but I really want to salvage this somehow. BeB, you're right, possessiveness does not equal affection. She's just being immature about that... Whenever she got jealous I hoped it was because she likes me... but she doesn't. So what now? Call her and lay everything out on the table or let it be? Should I tell her the truth and give her a chance to make a mature judgment call?
bogota Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 Ultimatums aren't very helpful, they just make people offensive. So if you lay everything out on the table, just focus on telling her how her actions have been affecting your feelings and ask her if she has an explanation or if she wants to change. If you're not satisfied, then you can start making yourself more distant.
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