tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 This guy I was seeing used to "joke" a lot about when he expected sex from me... I'm pretty sure he was just trying to see how I would respond. But then when it seemed like we were ready to talk about it... he would kind of back down and told me how much "respected" me. So it never happened and now he just dumped me the other day saying that he didn't feel like we had this "deep connection" he was looking for. My feeling is he doesn't know what the heck he wants and the whole "I want you BUT I respect you too much" tells me he wasn't ready for a real relationship... I mean why can't you be with someone physically AND still have respect for them? any thoughts?
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 my take on it... He's scared he'll f up in the sack or insecure about his abilities lol
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 How old are you? are you asking me? or legend?
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 are you asking me? or legend? Think he's asking you.
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 hmmm.. okay, not sure why my age matters so... NYOB! haha! that just made me sound younger didn't it.. oops!
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 hmmm.. okay, not sure why my age matters so... NOYB! haha! that just made me sound younger didn't it.. oops!
norajane Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 He means that he wanted to have sex with you, but he knew that he ONLY wanted sex...he had no real interest in you as a girlfriend (i.e., deep connection). So because he already knew that, and he respected you, he didn't want to go ahead and just use you for the sex. If he had little to no respect for you, he would have had sex with you and dumped you afterwards.
Touche Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 It can matter if you're under 18 and he's not.
Cobra_X30 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 He means that he wanted to have sex with you, but he knew that he ONLY wanted sex...he had no real interest in you as a girlfriend (i.e., deep connection). So because he already knew that, and he respected you, he didn't want to go ahead and just use you for the sex. If he had little to no respect for you, he would have had sex with you and dumped you afterwards. Or it can likely mean the exact opposite! Remember some guys have problems getting sexual with women they respect!
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 not sure why it matters since he "let me go" anyways.. I guess I'm just trying to make sense of it all. One night back when we were "closer" things got really hot and heavy between us... to the point where we almost had sex but HE was the one that stopped it.. saying it was too soon etc. And anytime he brought up the sex thing... before and after that night, it seemed like he was checking to see when I felt ready. The thing is that I really REALLY liked this guy and thought he felt the same way. So the only thing that makes sense to me is that he really isn't ready for the kind of "deep" relationship he claims he's looking for.. but maybe that's just my ego talking, because he could have had that with me and he chose not to...
Cobra_X30 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 not sure why it matters since he "let me go" anyways.. I guess I'm just trying to make sense of it all. One night back when we were "closer" things got really hot and heavy between us... to the point where we almost had sex but HE was the one that stopped it.. saying it was too soon etc. And anytime he brought up the sex thing... before and after that night, it seemed like he was checking to see when I felt ready. The thing is that I really REALLY liked this guy and thought he felt the same way. So the only thing that makes sense to me is that he really isn't ready for the kind of "deep" relationship he claims he's looking for.. but maybe that's just my ego talking, because he could have had that with me and he chose not to... Hmmm... He is nuts!
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 Hmmm... He is nuts! really? so it's not just me... because I just can not understand him! like I said though, I guess it doesn't really matter any more... except that I miss him terribly and am trying to get over him...
norajane Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Or it can likely mean the exact opposite! Remember some guys have problems getting sexual with women they respect! True, but I wouldn't expect him to break up with her, if that were the case. He'd continue dating, but wait on the sex.
Cobra_X30 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 really? so it's not just me... because I just can not understand him! like I said though, I guess it doesn't really matter any more... except that I miss him terribly and am trying to get over him... Yes, as long as you are reasonably attractive, he is pretty much nuts. Cause you seem pretty normal to me. I'd say it sounds a touch like a timing issue. Plus like an earlier poster pointed out... if you are both young... he may be in kind an idealistic phase. You need to realize that he made this choice out of fear. Something within his mind scared him, it may not have been anything you did. True, but I wouldn't expect him to break up with her, if that were the case. He'd continue dating, but wait on the sex. Yes, and no. Some guys would do that... some guys would move on looking for someone that they don't really have to respect.
D-Lish Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 You can drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what another person is thinking/feeling. He may be scared, confused, gay, flakey... It's hard to say. I also spend way too much time overanalysing what the other person is thinking when it comes to dating and relationships. It's especially bad when dealing with rejection. Rejection not only makes us wonder about what the other person is thinking- but it makes us questions ourselves and our own inadequacies. Rejection is my biggest nightmare to deal with- doesn't matter how mild the rejection is, it affects me deeply. I think your ex has issues of his own to deal with- none of which reflect who you are. Try and keep that in mind. ;-)
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 You can drive yourself nuts trying to figure out what another person is thinking/feeling. He may be scared, confused, gay, flakey... It's hard to say. I also spend way too much time overanalysing what the other person is thinking when it comes to dating and relationships. It's especially bad when dealing with rejection. Rejection not only makes us wonder about what the other person is thinking- but it makes us questions ourselves and our own inadequacies. Rejection is my biggest nightmare to deal with- doesn't matter how mild the rejection is, it affects me deeply. I think your ex has issues of his own to deal with- none of which reflect who you are. Try and keep that in mind. ;-) thanks D Lish! you and I sound a lot alike! I have been in my head way too much about all this and it just gives me a nothing but a big fat headache after a while. No one knows what this guy is thinking... I'm not sure he even knows! But it seemed like things were going a long fine... then poof, it's over. So I go back and try to figure out what caused him to change... but the reality is that it doesn't matter because he made his decision and I just have to deal with it and press forward now. Rejection does suck, but it's a fact of life. I just have to build my self-esteem back up... which really isn't that bruised to be honest... and realize that I am a good person with a lot to offer and that this is just only one guy out of a million that are out there... any of which would be lucky to have me! and thanks to you Cobra... I don't even know you and you have made me feel better than some of my friends have been able to lately! His actions are very strange, especially when he would tell me and show how attracted he was to me. I really think he's just used to things coming easier for him... minus the feelings etc. The thing is, and maybe I should have mentioned this in my original post, is that he's a "rock musician" (guitar) and has been in a lot of bands. He's also very good looking and I'm sure he's used to girls that just throw themselves at him (groupie types) I wasn't like that so he probably saw me as a challenge.. which is ok at first but maybe it just got to be too much work for him. Anyways, don't mean to ramble on and on.. I am feeling better now though.. it's always good to get others viewpoints on things. This website ROCKS!
D-Lish Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 LOL I have dated the stoic rockstar type.... Better than the athelete, but not as good as the IT nerds. I am glad your ego isn't so bruised. I wish I could say the same. I drive myself out of my head trying to figure out where I went wrong- always wanting answers out of the other person (wanting- never asking). I'll vent endlessly here instead! It's hard not to internalize someone elses view of you.... and when soemone walks away- it's automatic to question yourself. You're in a good place if you have a healthy sense of self to begin with. You are probably right that he is used to women coming on strong. Even unattractive rockers get lots of action...lol. I hesitate to guess- but it's quite possible he just isn't ready for a good relationship. Does that make sense? Perhaps giving into a good thing like you is something he isn't ready for, so it's easier to walk than to become connected and take that risk of falling in love. I am in that place now- and when a good guy comes along, I ignore it and date the less worthy ones.... WHen a really good guy comes along it scares the crap out of me- perhaps he is the same.
Jilly Bean Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Is he a virgin? What guy walks away from "P"? Isn't that against man law?
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 it most certainly is... I'm gonna go with he thinks he'll fail and is insecure hah
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 "LOL I have dated the stoic rockstar type.... Better than the athelete, but not as good as the IT nerds." that's so funny because he is an IT nerd by day! which I am way more attracted to than the rocker thing! LOL!
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Nothing wrong with the IT nerds..... and we resent being called 'nerds' fyi. We do what we know to make a living just like you, doesn't mean we go home and geek out on computers....well not all of us.
Author tkgirl Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 Nothing wrong with the IT nerds..... and we resent being called 'nerds' fyi. We do what we know to make a living just like you, doesn't mean we go home and geek out on computers....well not all of us. I'm sorry... I meant it as a compliment... even have a I "heart" nerds t-shirt! brainiacs are sexy as hell!
brothermartin Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Is he a virgin? What guy walks away from "P"? Isn't that against man law? I've walked away from P before. Not because I'm insecure sexually, but because the girls attached to the P were craZY!
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