jaxonlab Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 My husband and I live out of the country with our 5 month old baby. His ex-wife doesn't like it at all. They have one child together. She refuses for the child to have anything to do with me or our baby. My husband still walks around on egg shells protecting her feelings. He wants me to help him and be into doing things for his son, but why should I when in his son's eyes he only gets to see things that have to do with 'daddy' only. LIke for xmas this year all the presents that WE bought got to be from "DADDY" only not even from his little sister. He says he did it to just keep the peace down with his exwife but to me it is like a slap in the face. Why does he continue to care what she thinks or what makes her happy?? She alredy gets 800 dollars a month of our money for child support but yet for the sake of not 'upsetting' her....we can't even put our names on the Christmas gifts.
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I'm trying to figure out why she would be like this. Were you seeing him before he was divorced - in other words, would she be blaming you and your child for breaking up her marriage or were they already divorced?
Author jaxonlab Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 No- She left him in March of 05 he and i got together in Sept of 06. She filed for divorce earlier that year but it wasn't final through the court until May 06. he is in the navy and she didn't want to live over seas anymore so she took their 6 month old and left. She filed for a divorce...got it....then wanted him back after everything was finalized and after he and I were together. She is just a BBBBBB! in my opinion
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Well if that's the case, just ignore her. She's just the hater. You were not the OW even though she may see you in that light. You became his girlfriend if the timeline is true. The thing is she may still have feelings for him and you are standing in her way, and it only gets worse because you got the baby so that solidifes the relationship between you too. Why the hell did she leave him before in the first place? Why cant he see his kid? He could take her to court for visitation you know that right?
Author jaxonlab Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 He is in the navy stationed in guam. she couldn't stand being away from her parents. he told her that if she thought so little of their marriage they should get a divorce. so she filed for it. she got what she asked for but she lost her mind when she learned that he moved on. My question is what should i say to my husband about him always not wanting to rock the boat with her. especially over little things like giving xmas and bd presents. He has a half sister that he doesnt even know about. the reason we can't see his son is because we are over seas and it is geographically impossible. she has told my husband that as long as she has her way she will see to it that he never know me or our child.
Ronni_W Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 The only thing I can think is that your husband believes keeping the ex happy is the only way he can guarantee that his son (your child's half-brother) will be well-looked after when he's with his mom. Your husband ought to be taking a more assertive approach. The boy deserves the opportunity to bond with, love and be loved by ALL his family members, of which you and his half-sister are the biggest part on "this side". Why role-model positive parenting to your step-son? Because he is your step-son? Because you are a woman filled with more than enough love, tenderness and compassion? Because you want to role-model that for the youngest child? Because you are a way more emotionally mature person than the ex-wife? You can probably come up with many more reasons that are even more meaningful for you, personally. The thing about the names on the gifts -- that has got to be painful. OTOH, when your love and affection for the boy is 100% wrapped up in that gift, your name being on or off the label becomes less of an issue. Be honest with your husband that you are finding it difficult to fully embrace the boy as your own, because H is not facilitating that kind of relationship for you and his son. Express that you love the boy unconditionally (I hope this is true for you) and you want to have the freedom and joy of expressing that love directly. I don't see the wisdom in confusing your husband's financial responsibility to his son with how his ex-wife's insecurity & emotional issues are impacting your marital harmony. They are two very separate things.
Chrome Barracuda Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 He is in the navy stationed in guam. she couldn't stand being away from her parents. he told her that if she thought so little of their marriage they should get a divorce. so she filed for it. she got what she asked for but she lost her mind when she learned that he moved on. My question is what should i say to my husband about him always not wanting to rock the boat with her. especially over little things like giving xmas and bd presents. He has a half sister that he doesnt even know about. the reason we can't see his son is because we are over seas and it is geographically impossible. she has told my husband that as long as she has her way she will see to it that he never know me or our child. Wow, that's some tough noogies right there, But since he's in the military I'm sure he can hire a miliary lawyer to file some sort of order. Something. I mean she cant keep his kid away from him unlawfully. You are both going to have to travel back to her home state and file an injunction for visitation or something. I think your husband should persue things. Because what it's gonna be 20 yeas then the kid is gonna show up on the doorstep saying why you abandoned me? C'mon. Y'all need to get to the US pronto!
Recommended Posts