liv2tell Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 someone i dated for a year (living together, very serious), started texting me out of the blue telling me how much he misses me etc. this has been going on for 3 days. i had deep feelings for him but was a bit cautious when he started expressing his feelings over texts now after 2.5 years. He says he misses everything about me and wants to see me. After giving it some thought i went to see him (briefly, for an hour). He was trying to make sexual advances, but i said let's take things a bit slower... that night he texted me again saying "i still feel the same way about us..." and then disappeared. i tried texting him smiley faces (not stalker like), may be 2 or 3 and nothing in response. Also sent him a smiley face on aim (2 days later), an nothing. Before that we texted EXTENSIVELY till 5 am for 3 nights in a row. And talked on messenger (exchanged recent photos, etc). He is 39 years old and i don't think it was just about sex (he has no problems getting laid). And if it was - why wouldn't he just say so and not play these games? At this point i just want to know what's happening - is that too much to ask for? Or should i just fight my urges and let it go... thanks for you advice everyone and happy holidays!
Racquel Colette Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 sorry, but yes, it was just about sex for him. He is just not that into you. Words are just words. Don't let your dignity go by asking him about his weird behavior. I suggest you just cut off contact, block him if you have to on email, eliminate his phone number from your cell. 39 year olds should not be texting, msning, that is a sign of immaturity. If he were a man, he'd call you, send you 2 dozen roses and major jewelry, and beg you back. He is not a man who really wants you back, he is not giving you the grand gesture like he needs to really prove himself that he wants you back.
sedgwick Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 texting each other smiley faces, or wondering why he didn't send you a smiley face when you sent him a smiley face -- that's not real communication. if you want to know what's up with him, call him and ask.
Author liv2tell Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 i agree. but that's how we have been communicating. i tried calling twice he didn't pick up. i don't want to seem like a stalker. i already feel i care more than he does (although in the initial texts that he sent me i played it coy and cool as if i didn't remember how good it was etc)... i just dont know if i can take the emotional roller coaster. is this what love is? i can't allow myself to love someone if they do not feel the same way... as pathetic as it may sound. what would be the point? so i choose to cry myself to sleep instead as a coping mechanism. ok there ive said it. now u guys really think im nuts ...
Author liv2tell Posted December 23, 2007 Author Posted December 23, 2007 just texted me "merry xmas" "do you want to finish what we started?"... wtf? does he think i am a call girl or something? am i even supposed to respond to this? (after nc for a week)?? what's with this man? someone please tell me im being toyed with, because i always try to rationalize his behavior! thanx and happy holidays to all!!!!
oppath Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Call him up. No more texts. Ask him "what do you mean by finish what we started?" Then tell him "you can't just casually come back in my life. If you want to be with me, you have to date me and put forth some effort. If that is not what you want, we don't have anything to offer each other, and I ask that you leave me alone." Sounds like he just wants some attention. I wouldn't say it is just sex, moreso than he wants to feel wanted.
oasis Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Seems like he just wants his ego fed. It is very common that after a period of NC - in your case a week, the ex returns again for another ego boost. He is giving you mixed signals and seems to focus primarily on sex. Do not return his text. Show him that you are bored with his game of "catch me if you can". Let him come to you in a decent manner, like asking you in a respectful way for a date. Start ignoring his texts from now on.
AriaIncognito Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 It's the holidays. It often sends people thinking about better times. Some of his could involve you. I'd be wary. If you do want to talk to him, call him, and cut to the chase. If he doesn't want to be real with you, then you might as well know now...
Tony6 Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Your mistake was buying into his bull****, because you were hoping it was true. It wasn't. Sorry. FORGET HIM!!!
Author liv2tell Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 what wasn't true? we were living together for a year. I am not one to be building castles in the sky. this is a man who, before me, could not commit to one woman for more than a week. All his friends were shocked, and i believe him when he says he's thought about me during the past 2 years. i am not saying i am going to rush into his arms again, in fact i haven't responded yet and not sure whether I ever will. I do think he has problems opening up now, we were both very hurt during the breakup. I honestly didn't think he would ever speak with me again. And vice versa. But, I guess, time does heal. So here we are now. I am at a loss... Merry Christmas to all and any advice is much appreciated!
sedgwick Posted December 24, 2007 Posted December 24, 2007 Can you possibly, possibly talk to this man in any way other than text messaging? It just seems like this could be cleared up way more easily if you could speak rather than trying to interpret texts.
D-Lish Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 If he has had problems comitting in the past- that should be a red flag. I don't doubt his feelings were once genuine- but his actions at the moment are disrespectful. Don't call him or text him again until he gets off his butt and gives you a proper phone call. By ignoring him- you are showing him that you have respect for yourself and won't put up with his BS. Yes, of course his 'finish what we started" text was about sex.
Bentodd Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 Im not a fan of not doing any thing, but this is deffinatly what you should be doing. This guy is treating you like crap and is incredibly selfish, and yes people can have a change of heart, but he needs to prove that to you. If he really cares for you he will keep trying and will hang out with you again and again with out having sex with you. If he dosen't do that then don't worry about him because you are obviously a very caring person and deserve much better.
Racquel Colette Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Call him up. No more texts. Ask him "what do you mean by finish what we started?" Then tell him "you can't just casually come back in my life. If you want to be with me, you have to date me and put forth some effort. If that is not what you want, we don't have anything to offer each other, and I ask that you leave me alone." Sounds like he just wants some attention. I wouldn't say it is just sex, moreso than he wants to feel wanted. Disagree. He needs to be the man and call her. He is clearly just not that into her.
Racquel Colette Posted December 26, 2007 Posted December 26, 2007 Honestly...you were together three years, living together, then he dumped you. Don't accept less than a proposal of marriage WITH the ring and a date set. Anything else is really just gravy at this point. He's just messing with your head without the above three things: proposal, ring, and set date. Don't move in with him again until you have the WEDDING ring on your finger, either.
Author liv2tell Posted December 28, 2007 Author Posted December 28, 2007 thanks guys. so what do i reply? "i want a ring on my finger or don't ever contact me again?" i don't think i would like that pressure if i were him... or... "i am willing to give it a chance if you are willing to take it slow." i personally prefer the latter. What do u think?
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