FooledOnce Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 We've been totally through since Halloween and living seperate since September. Every time we go a couple of weeks without seeing each other I notice that I stop thinking about her all the time. Then, she contacts me. She always has a reason. She wants a book back (from 5 years ago) or to pick-up something from our apartment. How does she know that I'm just starting to feel better? Last time she was over we talked for a couple of hours. It was great. She told me she had been thinking about me a lot lately and that I'm really, really special. She told me I look really good (lost about 20 lbs). She asked me if i have a new girlfriend with a look of total fear in her eyes. She was relieved when I told her I don't. I made a sexual advance and she went along for awhile but eventually resisted (new bf). We ended up just holding each other for about 45 minutes, just like the good old days. I got the impression that she really missed me. Two days later she wrote a flirty message on my facebook page. Then no contact for the last week. It's not that I really want contact; I don't see us getting back together. But every time we get together like this I end up checking my email 10 times a day and checking my phone everytime I'm away for 2 minutes. I wonder if it's the opposite for her. It seems the longer we're apart, the more she thinks about me. I wonder if these pop-ins are a way for her to get a quick fix and then go back to her me-less life.
Geishawhelk Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I wonder if these pop-ins are a way for her to get a quick fix and then go back to her me-less life. Yep. She's insecure, unsure and trying to have her cake AND eat it. She's pulling you in for a sucker. And you're falling for it every time. Look at what you're doing... you're the yo-yo, and she's got her finger in the string-loop.... Geddit? Buy a pair of scissors....
someone3434 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 She's keeping you on a string. Seeing if you can be there in case things don't work out with her new bf. You're playing along. That's a ****ty thing to do, what she is doing. I've been played that way. Walk away. You're only going to get more hurt. If she's doing that to her current bf...and let's say she gets back with you...you think she is going to magically stop that behaviour?
flosslight Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I do not have much advice for your current situation, but something you said made me think "I do that too". I do not want my ex back either, but when we do have contact, I check my email like 5 times a day and suddenly have to have my phone by my side. The feeling fades a day or two later, but I'm always like "I do not want to be here again". I have cut contact until I do not feel this way. I cannot handle those ups and downs.
Geishawhelk Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Ok, look at it this way then. it's not love, it's an addiction. A personal, almost physically-felt need to be in contact with someone who made us feel wanted, desirable, loved, needed, valued and appreciated. When that's over, we feel all of those opposites. we feel we need re-validation, confirmation that we are still all those things. we want to feel that way again, even though the emotion and attachment is now flawed, damaged, finished, over.... we want that feelgood factor to continue. And with this Yo-yo behaviour it does. Doesn't. Does. Doesn't. Does. Doesn't. The only problem is, every time it 'does', it feels worse when consequently, inevitably, it then 'doesn't'. Cure? Sure. Stop the 'does'. Then after a while, the 'doesn't' isn't felt any more. Guaran-fedging-teed. Be fair. To yourself, and any possible really nice guy/gal who's out there, waiting for a marvellous experience with you....
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