spookie Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Yah, yah, I probably shouldn't have. ANd I know he probably won't respond. But here's what I said: Spook's ex, I haven’t had very good luck in contacting you – don’t know if that’s cause you’re a hermit nowadays or just cause you don’t want to ever speak to me again. Anyway I wanted to send you this message in an effort to get back on speaking terms. You promised me over the summer that we would remain friends, when we were ready; and a lot has happened on my end for me to know that finally, I am. I don’t know what you are up to nowadays but you are such an integral part of my past for so many different reasons that it would break my heart if I knew I’d never see you again. I know I said and did a lot of things that were destructive to you out of my co-dependence; but I am thankful that I got to hit rock-bottom on my own as now I have my strength; and I’m genuinely sorry for the crap we put each other through. I don’t want to take your time away from you, or suck on your emotions; all that I ask is that you let me know that you’re ok; that we would stop and chat if I saw you on the street; because this silence feels like hate. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for after everything we’ve been through together, good and bad. You were my best friend; we slept together in a cave. -Spook Thoughts?
whichwayisup Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Do you feel better after sending this email to him? And, are you okay if he doesn't reply? Meaning, closure...
cant let go Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 i thought you sent him an email before spookie....maybe i'm confusing you with someone else. anyway....i don't think the email will cause any harm to him. but like whichway says, if you feel better for sending it and you are okay with no response. then it was the right thing to do. it seems like everytime i have contacted my ex and had a pleasant interaction, something else comes up that brings me back down. recently, after i inquired about how he was doing and we shared a friendly catch-up, the next day (today) he brought up our lease situation and it just brought me back to harsh reality. but...i actually think you have come along farther than i have. so you are probably ok.
Author spookie Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 Yah, I've sent him emails before. The first was to explain why I was going NC. The second to ask for my things back, to which he barely responded. This one's to ask to be friends... but he hasn't responded yet and I doubt that he will. I guess that's ok though. At this point I'm so used to having a relationship which I think about daily but in which I am the only participant that this latest bit of one-sided participation can't hurt.
Ronni_W Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I like what you wrote in the email. It's honest and level-headed, and I also get from it how much you've learned about yourself in recent months. If he doesn't recognize or appreciate any of that...well, I guess he would not be able to be a really supportive and encouraging friend to you, anyway.
cant let go Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 At this point I'm so used to having a relationship which I think about daily but in which I am the only participant haha. i hope you meant this humorously, because it made me laugh.
Nemo Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 ; and I’m genuinely sorry for the crap we put each other through. There's never a bad time to apologise to oneself. Although I often enjoy the odd spot of masochism, it's always best to give yourself a few loving strokes afterward. (Remember, your body is a temple.) The royal we is also a good call - it's a wonderful way to get him to take his part of the joint responsibility by putting words in his mouth. Sort of like a backhanded compliment. You were my best friend; we slept together in a cave. The best relationships have these moments. When it is just you and your lover in the world, and things are as perfect as you ever dreamed things could be. (Everybody sigh.) And now, back to a planet I like to call Earth. Earthy, even.
Racquel Colette Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 Yah, I've sent him emails before. The first was to explain why I was going NC. The second to ask for my things back, to which he barely responded. This one's to ask to be friends... but he hasn't responded yet and I doubt that he will. I guess that's ok though. At this point I'm so used to having a relationship which I think about daily but in which I am the only participant that this latest bit of one-sided participation can't hurt. People get confused.....you're not supposed to announce that you're going on NC. That defeats the purpose! Then they know that you have to TRY to get over them. If you just go NC, they get the idea that you are moving on without them and you have other fulfilling things in your life than to give a rat's about them (who didn't want you anyway.) DON'T ANNOUNCE NC, JUST DO IT.
Racquel Colette Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 It's very very possible he has your email blocked because he didn't want to hear from you again....so it's very very possible he didn't get it. That said, I think the email came off as a very desperate attempt to reconcile and get him to remember warm fuzzy moments you once shared. This type of ploy is very apparent. I'm sorry he fell out of love, but he did. When he dumped you, he was telling you "I'd enjoy my life more without spookie in it." Why would you want to contact him after that? Have some dignity....well, it's too late now.
Nemo Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 I'm so glad you're back!!! You're making me feel guilty for hijacking your thread. I am going to have to dig deep, and come up with a sensible post. Can I do it? Firstly, it is natural to want to reach out to someone you cared deeply about, still care about, and will probably always care about. This is the sort of person you are, but - and I hate to say it - that doesn't mean it's the sort of person he is. He might be, so I don't mean to be mean. This comes from my experience - my ex decided to shut the door on me, and I have come to understand that it is what she needed to do to move on. Secondly, don't be so hard on yourself - co-dependence?? What is a relationship if it doesn't involve leaning on the person you can trust with your deepest, innermost feelings?! Unfortunately that trust doesn't always turn out to be the kind you can rely on for a long, long time. Forever, even. You care about another person so much that it is unthinkable that your lives will not be permanently intertwined. If there is any justice in life, then you will soon be experiencing the real thing. And that kind of love is to die for. Well, I tried. I will never apologise for being overly romantic. Sorry.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 I think what you did was admirable Spook, and reguardless of the response, if any, you should be proud of yourself.
shadowplay Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 I actually liked the email. It didn't come off as desperate to me. Any decent person would respond, unless you did something horrible to him while you were together (which I seriously doubt, knowing what I do about you). If he doesn't respond, he's immature/cold and not worth your time.
Ariadne Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Thoughts? It's beautiful! I love it Good luck Ariadne
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