mortensorchid Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I want some people's opinions on this one, because I was certainly let down by this situation. Now with my history, I have been with my share of losers and questionable people who attempted to take advantage. What can I say? I was a kid, I needed to learn for myself. I'm over that. I'm going to be 33 next week and I'm a grown up. I don't go for the Bad Boys anymore, I want someone who is stable and little to no drama in their lives. And I found someone like that. It was on line, he seemed nice and stable. We had had some pleasent conversations in the past, and he wasn't talking sex or trying to get me to talk dirty like a lot of them have. He finally asked for us to meet face to face, and I agreed. Not the best looking guy in the room, no doubt. He seemed nice, somewhat meek and mild, but he had a personality. We chatted about things. I made sure to keep the conversation topics away from the dramas I am surrounded with. Hey, I am an educated person but I live on the edge from time to time with the dreges of society (crime, people on drugs, etc.). I've seen a lot, but I didn't let that on to him. Also, a funny coincidence, it just so happened that his father and my father knew each other. We ended the evening on a good note. We hugged good-bye. I did not call him, but he called me several days later. He left a message on my voice mail asking what I was doing and hoped we could get together again. The next day I returned his call and left on his voice mail saying that I was sorry I missed his call the other day. I was in a bad place, I told him, as I was let go from my job that day and was in a state over it. After that, nothing. I sent him a text message on Sunday evening just saying "Hi how's it going?". Nothing. Did I screw up by telling too much about myself and my dramas? Just wondering. Did I screw up? Did I reveil something that I shouldn't have?
Jilly Bean Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Yep. If a guy told me that after a first date, I'd RUN. No offense, but although you say you are looking for a guy who's stable with no drama, you threw a little suitcase of drama at him within a week of meeting... Few, if any, men would stick around after that point... Hey, learning experience, right? And sorry you lost your gig...
Racquel Colette Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Maybe you should have waited to tell him you were fired from your job. That might have turned him off. He might not want to date someone who has no income and is going through such a hard time. Or, he may be the perfect type who thrives at his job and has never been fired and doesn't want to date someone who could be fired from there job and not be perfect like he is. He might want someone who simply was too good at their workplace to be fired. Sorry but it would be difficult for me to date someone who was just fired, also. I mean, I don't want a guy who doesn't care enough about his job to keep it. However, that said, it could be a number of things as to why he hasn't called. Remember, you have only had one date. 1. He could have decided to get back together with his exgirlfriend. Something like this you have no control over, so you can't feel badly about that. 2. He did some thinking and thought after all you just weren't what he's looking for. He may have called initially but after he had some time to think, he realized that you just weren't his type or whatever. Again, nothing you can do and not your fault. 3. He's just not that into you and only called originally because he was bored. Again, you can't feel badly about that.
spookie Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Yep. If a guy told me that after a first date, I'd RUN. No offense, but although you say you are looking for a guy who's stable with no drama, you threw a little suitcase of drama at him within a week of meeting... Few, if any, men would stick around after that point... Hey, learning experience, right? And sorry you lost your gig... I beg to differ. It wasn't like she was creating drama with HIM, she just happend to mention what was going on in her life. What was she supposed to do? Lie and say every thing's alright?
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Ya, you definitely let the cat out of the bag on this one. If he really liked you, he'll contact you again, otherwise, it's best to move on... Too much info will do it every time.
Jilly Bean Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I beg to differ. It wasn't like she was creating drama with HIM, she just happend to mention what was going on in her life. What was she supposed to do? Lie and say every thing's alright? Exactly, yes. If someone drops bad news like that on me so quickly, it tells me they lack boundaries (because it's not the right time to say something like that), and also have too much crap in their life. Who wants to start dating someone who is going off about their bad day and how they lost their job? Yes, its all true, and yes, it sucks, but its not something you tell someone you just met. It makes people wonder how much other drama is coming down the pike. We all support our loved ones during their tough times when we have an investment in the relationship. Without an investment in someone, why stick around when they are bringing you all the bad, before they bring you the good? I had a first date with a guy a few weeks ago, and at the end, he told me all about how right after we met online, he was diagnosed with cancer, and how he is undergoing treatment. I never saw him again. Why? I just met him, and I don't want to own his problems.
D-Lish Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Hey, I have to agree on this one- but JB- we seem to be on the same page regarding a lot of things! lol. Are we both jaded or realists? haha Too much info too early on can be a turn off. Having said this.... he waited several days to call in the first place? SEVERAL? meaning like a week? 7? This also means he may seem normal... and nice....and whatever, but waiting several days to call? I would have written him off much sooner than that. Play it safe within the 4 day range. When someone contacts within four days after a date- it is promising. Keep a few dates on the go at this point, don't put all your eggs in one basket.
Author mortensorchid Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 He called after 4 days, so that was a good range in which to call. I think I did screw up in terms of telling him about my most recent drama. But, I have been out with people who have told me things about themselves that they felt they were ready to tell me (divorces, kids, other stuff, etc.), and depending on the person it affected me positively or negatively. I have moved on. I am just disappointed that he didn't respond to me after that.
D-Lish Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 He called after 4 days, so that was a good range in which to call. I think I did screw up in terms of telling him about my most recent drama. But, I have been out with people who have told me things about themselves that they felt they were ready to tell me (divorces, kids, other stuff, etc.), and depending on the person it affected me positively or negatively. I have moved on. I am just disappointed that he didn't respond to me after that. You are disappointed because you view it as rejection. That's all. You may have never cared if you saw him or not again... but it's still nice to have that call saying "i had a good time". Hey, he called- he was interested. That's good. Whatever happened beyond that- doesn't matter what you said.... if he didn't get it, or got offended...or took it the wrong way... then he wouldn't make a good partner for you. ;-)
Zero Degrees Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 You didn't screw up. Couples WILL have arguments and it's normal. If he doesn't think the relationship is worth continuing then he clearly strikes me as the type of person to give in when the going gets tough. Therefore he's not worth it. You HAVE to give things your all and iron out any hicups if you really want to make a relationship work with someone.
Krytie TV Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I had a first date with a guy a few weeks ago, and at the end, he told me all about how right after we met online, he was diagnosed with cancer, and how he is undergoing treatment. I never saw him again. Why? I just met him, and I don't want to own his problems. Wow, same thing here. On a first date she told me she was going in for treatment and it just kind of weirded me out. I never called her again. Apart from the drama aspect, it might have sent a signal that you were undependable. If you were fired, that could be a red flag about someone your age. Maybe he wanted someone more dependable in life and chose to keep looking.
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