nashua Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Hi, My boyfriend has asked me to write for him in regards to his issues with his 27 year old son. His son has major problems right now. He went from bad to worse, first as a sloppy alcoholic, then onto cocaine and now what may be crack. He comes from a good family, but happens to be the blacksheep. He's 27 works odd jobs like construction projects, is a hard worker but obviously has a substance abuse problem. Not only that but he has access to his parents homes and business (keys) and frequently takes advantage of the "account on file" at the local hardware store and whatnot. My boyfriend knows that his parenting w/ his ex could've been better, and takes partial responsibility for the way his son turned out. But they are at a point where they are considering writing him OUT of their will because they just dont trust him and dont want to support his bad habits. They're tried to take him to counselors and AA. He has gone back and forth from being sober to not. What is one to do in this situation? Is it okay to just let him go?
melodymatters Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 This is one of the most difficult problems people will ever have to face ! Many relatives of mine have gone through similar situations, though thankfully now their kids are in their mid 20's and getting back on track. I know they have been helped by families anonomyous. I have even read some of their stuff online to help me set limits with my 14 yr old. As a START, I would suggest googling FA, and seeing if this is something that could help you all make the best decsions in what is a very tough situation !! GOOD LUCK !
Rachel_0814p Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 ...They're tried to take him to counselors and AA. He has gone back and forth from being sober to not. What is one to do in this situation? Is it okay to just let him go? Well, unfortunately, if he doesn't want to help himself, he's never going to get better and there isn't anything anyone can do to force him to change. A parent can only do so much for their adult kids. Once your BF has exhausted himself trying to give his adult son help, as painful as it is, it's ok to let him go.
Ronni_W Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Hi CD. Your B/F need not feel responsible for a 27-year old cocaine & alcohol addict - his son has been making his own bad choices AS AN ADULT for too many years. There comes a point where you just can't put all your adult crap on your childhood, any longer, no matter how "bad" you believe it was. I'm not sure what is the goal of writing him out of the will now? Unless their death is somewhat foreseeable (terminal illness?), Son won't get his hands on that anytime soon, anyway. If it is to try to "scare him straight", chances are, in his current state, he doesn't much care. He might even use it as another excuse to just indulge his addictions further...and blame it on Mom and Dad all over again. I'd certainly change all the locks to whichever he has keys, as well as the hardware business account. Maybe see if it's possible to set-up the replacement account so every purchaser needs to have a purchase order or all orders must be placed by email or fax or something? It isn't really about letting HIM go as much as letting go of the unhealthy, co-dependent aspects of the RELATIONSHIP with him. Yes, it is time to do that. Wishing all of you well.
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