XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I just spent last night with my boyfriend. We have only been together verging on 3 months. He tells me that he loves me all the time, that he is so happy that we met, that I'm the best girlfriend he has ever had, etc. I am a virgin we decided that we are both ready to have sex. Last night was amazing...we didn't do that yet, but we just had a really nice time together and he kept telling me how much he loves me. But a comment really threw me off. He told me that he loves how we are really good friends as well as a couple because relationships just don't work without that friendship there. He then went on to say that I'm the best girlfriend he's ever had. But then randomly he makes this comment about how even if we break up years from now, he knows we will still be lifelong friends. What is up with that comment? It just seems rather strange. I know I probably should have asked him but I was just wondering if anyone had any opinions about it. I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have sex with him. I'm a little afraid to have sex with him in that maybe he will leave me right away. Maybe this is just my insecurity talking...I'm not sure. I do love him but I have wondered if this relationship would work before as it took me a long time to get over a previous ex and I still am hurt over that situation. He knows all about this, though. I had a problem with him prior to him making joking comments about this celebrity he's obsessed with (Ie: Telling me he would cheat on me with her in a second and saying comments like that), but I realize that it's immaturity speaking. He is 21 years old and I am 22. He treats me better than anyone I have ever been with...always calls me, always asks me if there is anything he can do for me, tells me he loves me constantly, etc. I don't know what made this fear kick in...if it was that comment or maybe I am realizing that I will get more attached if we have sex.
melodymatters Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 honestly, guys say stupid things all of the time without realizing how we woman might take them. I can't TELL you how many times I've had to " school" a BF on what is appropriate to say to your Gf and what is not ! It's like they are missing a sensitivity or politeness gene Having said that though, you are both young and whether you should lose your viginity to this guy or not is a question only you can answer ! good luck !
Green Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Im with melody on this one dont read to much into it. was probably just a stupid thing he said with out realizing it. If you like this guy and wernt planning on waiting untill mariage just go ahead and have sex with him. Id recomend getting the hpv vacine shot before u start having sex, and have him use a condom
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 So do you think I am looking into that comment too much? Thanks for your input. I know I can be too analytical. I'm just too used to guys using and then leaving...I would be crushed if he dumped me shortly after we had sex. I know he's not the type to do that, though so I feel horrible even entertaining the thought.
Green Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 i scratch what I first said, u should fly over to visit me and ill take your virginity from you, I promise to make it hurt and last a long time, and use you as long as your hot and not stay friends with you or even in touch if we broke up
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 hahahha the comment means nothing. it's a one in a billion chance, guys say stupid **** like that all the time. Hell i've said it before.
melodymatters Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Well, you are kind of answering your own question here. If you are not 100% sure of this guys love and committment, maybe you shouldn't take the chance of getting that hurt. However if you really are great together and you are NOT saving yourself for marriage, will you regret losing your V to him years down the line if you break up, or will it be a fine memory? And yeah, woman are built to over analyize just as much as men are built to be verbally insensistive ! ( over generalization, I know, but it's still kinda true !)
AriaIncognito Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 BtB - I'd say try to not let the comment bother you, but I know how hard that is. We, as women, tend to analyze everything, to a fault. If it's really bothering you, maybe talk to him about it. It will hopefully put your mind at ease so that you can make the important decision of whether or not you want to lose your virginity to him. If he cares about you as much as he seems to from your posts, I'd think he'd understand you asking, and not be offended.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 It doesnt sound like he is already planning a break up for the near future. It just sounds like hes s aying that if it dont work out, which of course is speaking realisticlly. hes saying that he loves you so much that he would still want you in his life some sort of way even if it is just friends. If you are feeling a little un easy about losing your virginity , then dont do it. That is one of many things that is very sacred and you only lose one.
D-Lish Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 OVER REACTING. It's all good. Men say things that we interpret as being bad when they are just talking because they.... well.... don't know any better and they like the way we smell. Hey... I had sex with someone for the first time last week (just the first time for us- not for me or him) and he started talking about how many girls he estimated sleeping with until he settled down. wooooowwwwweeee. I truly don't think he meant anything harmful. That does not mean that you have the right to think about your virginity and what that means to you.
popey Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 well put eye candy. and just as a note... I think the way women anylize is often appropriate, accept for when when applied to the words/behaviour of those men who walk the world refusing to THINK about their words/behavior. which sadly happens alot. sorry for male bashing. i know its not across the board.
Green Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 u wernt a virgin d-lish... G u were suposed to save urself for me
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 "That is one of many things that is very sacred and you only lose one." I lost mine....twice.
Green Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 well technicaly theres anal virginity, vaginal, and oral... my guess is this girl lost atleast one of these virginities but not the one that gets u preggers
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 I mean that I'm a virgin as in I have not had a dick penetrate my pussy or anus. Sorry to be so blunt but damn, enough about which way I'm a virgin now. Now you know. Anyway, I don't know why but I've gotten so hung up about that stupid comment. I know that I am told not to overanalyze. I am so used to the initial stage of dating to go well and then for something bad to happen, such as it's revealed to me that the guy already has a girlfriend or all of the sudden the guy turns into a major jerk and treats me badly. In my head, I know that this guy is different, but I guess I just don't want to get my hopes up about anything. I am being silly and am not going to call him tonight. Not because I want to play games but because I want to let myself down easy in case this is what he is implying.
Green Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I already knew what kind of virgin you are! and jewish christ you need to snap out of your funk, you'll be fine what ever ends up happening. you sound horny just go have your sex
brothermartin Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 The question still stands. Are you saving yourself for marriage? If not, you could consider what KMT suggested. I know losing your virginity is a very big step to you because I've dated a virgin before. But she was (and still is I think) saving herself for marriage. If you are not, having sex for the first time may not be something you should do with some one you love, just in case it dosen't continue like you're afraid it won't. But, if you really love this guy and you believe he really loves you, and there's no reason to think that it won't last, why not? To answer your Q: Yeah, you may be over analyzing that comment some.
Green Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I think saving yourself for mariage is stupid unless you plan on getting married before your 28 or probably even younger.
FoxLucky Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 We all say things without thinking sometimes. Ask him what he meant.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 Well, I just remembered a comment he told me in the past when we talked about it. He has not had sex either and he told me that he is at the point in our relationship where even if a year from now this did not work out, he would not ever regret having sex with me. He has had girlfriends in the past but never felt ready to do it. I don't know why but these two comments together make me nervous. I am not going to call him tonight just because I just want some space from this.
dramababe Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I dont think this is anything you should be alarmed about. He might had said that comment because he feels comfortable enough with you. I know my ex boyfriend and I use dot say we would be friends forever no matter what happens!! And that stayed true for a while.. I think the best thing for you to do is tell him how you feel. I know how scary it is to give up your virginity to someone and think they are going to leave you. Happens to me when I have sex with my new boyfriend or whatever, I don't like the relationship to depend on that cause It did during my very first relationship and it killed it. So just let him know how you feel. If he loves you the way you say, then everything will work out fine. Being honest is the best way to find out the truth.
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 21, 2007 Author Posted December 21, 2007 Thanks for the comments/advice. Neither of us have called the other all day. Oh well. I'm just going to go to bed. I think I just need to unwind and forget about this situation. Maybe I need to be single.
Green Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 maybe you need to stop acting like a brat. go get laid, geez he just said I think we'll always be friends even when were not dating...
Author XxBacktoBlackXx Posted December 21, 2007 Author Posted December 21, 2007 I know, you're right. I'm being a brat. I'm just scared of rejection. How embarrassing. Anyway, I think I'm having a really bad day. I take meds for depression and this has been a low day for me. That might be part of the reason. Also, I am scared of rejection so I seek signs for it even when it may not be there. I am not upset with him, only with myself for being so silly.
Legend Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 maybe you need to stop acting like a brat. go get laid, geez he just said I think we'll always be friends even when were not dating... I concur with KMT
Recommended Posts