cant let go Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Today was my last day at work before my vacation that will extend until the end of the year. Our whole department at work had our holiday lunch today. So of course this meant that I got to sit two seats down from my ex and his new girlfriend and still try to make it look like I had an appetite. Before we even got to lunch however, my ex came over to my cube today and starting talking to me about how we are going to handle ending the lease and making sure his name comes off of it and so forth. I was really busy at the moment and didn't really need that reminder that a) we are broken up for good and b) he is perfectly okay with that. This sent me into a depressed mood and although I had been doing well for the past few days and hadn't really cried more than a slight tear or two in that time, today I could feel the waterworks bursting. It was so hard to keep myself from crying all the way to, through, and from lunch. Seeing them arrive together, sit together, and leave together just makes all the pain resurface. I came back to my apt building and spoke with the leasing manager about what forms we will need to fill out. Then as soon as I got in my door, well...here I am. I'm a mess of tears. I just can't do this anymore. I know that I'm just going to be crying for the next two weeks. These holidays are making me feel worse. I can't stop thinking about how alone I am and how much I miss our relationship. And then, I can't stop thinking about how stupid I am for thinking he was the one I would marry. Why did I believe that he loved me the same way I loved him? I feel like such a fool. I talk to him now and there is no trace of affection for me at all. It's like we never had anything together. I want to be over this. I'm just so tired of missing him. I'm so tired of everything else not comparing to the times we were together. I feel like I had everything I ever dreamed of, and then it just walked out of my life and didn't look back. I was so easily replaceable. He just cut me out and inserted her right in without skipping a beat. I feel like garbage. How can I ever get over this? Every time I take a step forward, I fall 3 steps back. This is the worst feeling in the world. It's like a big storm cloud just follows me everywhere and keeps raining on me just when I start to see the sun. Please somebody just erase him from my mind.
JustinWolf Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I can't really erase him from your mind, I do know someone who truly can, that would be.... YOU! All YOU gotta do is start dating, seeing people, enjoying what life has to offer you and just be positive. Life is a long journey and you walk through it either sad or happy. I choose the latter and I think you should too. You got to be strong, pull your socks up and go out in the world and find your other half. You could do something, write on a piece of paper everything that makes you happy and read it everytime you feel sorrow. Call up people anyways, you are on vacation!!! ITS PARTY TIME !!!! Go out, have some fun, meet new people and soon you'll see that you were the one blocking the sunshine, just leave your window open to it!
Ronni_W Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I can't stop thinking about how ... much I miss our relationship. I really like that you didn't write "...I miss HIM." Maybe that was even subconscious? Getting through the 'practicalities' of breaking leases and packing stuff can be really bad triggers...but that'll soon be behind you. The holidays will also be tough (and also soon enough behind you) -- my wish for you is that somehow you do have many more "magic Santa moments" than feels possible right now. Sending hugs and best wishes that the New Year brings many exciting, new adventures your way.
CalamitousJane Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I cried for probably a couple of hours every day for almost five weeks. Someone told me that the more I just let myself grieve the more quickly I'd work through it. In the middle of it I could not believe it would ever end. And then it did, kind of suddenly. I still think about him a lot, but suddenly it's a lot less tragic. cant let go, just keep crying and writing, and pretty soon you'll have to change your nick!
Author cant let go Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 thanks you guys for your comments. it has been 12 weeks and i still cry at least 4-5 times a week even if it is just for a moment. and believe me, i go out every chance i can. i have friends that keep me occupied. i can't imagine dating anyone. there are just no guys that i have met that i find even remotely datable. and really...it's too soon. i was ready to marry this guy. that might sound crazy but i immersed myself fully in that relationship and i felt lucky everyday that i found him. i used to look around at the other guys at work or when we were out and i used to think, "these guys don't even come close to him." i've never felt more committed to anyone before. i want to believe that we are better apart than we were together. i really really want to believe that. i need to get to that place. i believe this is all in God's plan. i have my faith that helps me through. but...i just need to cry. and when i feel i've subjected my friends to enough of the subject, i turn to you guys. thanks for the support. i'm hanging in as best i can.
CalamitousJane Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 You really need to get yourself an imaginary husband. They're just the best.
Author cant let go Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 You really need to get yourself an imaginary husband. They're just the best. can i order one over the internet?
JustinWolf Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I know what you're going through, in fact, everyone here knows. Cry? why? Did someone die? I hope not. What you gotta tell yourself is this, does he deserve you? Simple answer here is: NO! You can move on, with strenght. The reason you can't seem to find anyone else is basicly because you still have him in your mind and the moment you are going to let go, you are going to see that there are many beautiful guys just waiting for you! Good luck!
CalamitousJane Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 can i order one over the internet? OMG, what a great idea. I'm going to buy imaginaryhusband.com right now!
loveinlife Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 i feel your pain, going through something similar.
alexa137 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 i know how you feel i am going through this too-almost 2 months of nc and it doenst get better--i cant stop thinking and remembering--the holidays are the worse-being all alone-seeing everyone you know with there bf/gf--its depressing--ive cried at least once a day for the past 7 months--i cant see myself with anyone else either--even though he didnt treat me the best i have realized that i was much happier with him than now and i just wait and wait hoping he will realize he made a mistake-- even though little by little i have trashed alot of stuff(memories) it still doesnt take the pain and lonliness away--i hope when i move it might help a little bit--being in the apt you shared together makes it even harder and you wonder how so many people move on so fast after a long loving relationship-i met 1 guy but we are just friends(meet on myspace) but now i dont even talk to him anymore-when you spend everyday with someone and live together and the words i love you are spoken everyday for 1 1/2 years its hard to move on-you just want it back the way it was thats how i feel-i just know i am unhappy and need and want to know if he still cares, or still has feelings for me or what has been going on in his life since the last time we spoke--wonder if he wonders or thinks about me--i wish my brain had an on/off switch everyone says it will get better eventually but sometimes the days just get too long so my days consist of work and sleep and cry! i guess this will make us stronger and one day we will realize it whenever that may b e!
randuff Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 It has been 7 months since the split and I can honestly say that I am starting to "not care" as much. Don't get me wrong I still love my ex terribly but I am getting over it and I can handle being "without her." It just takes time thats all. Good luck to you.
sedgwick Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 i would just like to state, for the record, that my imaginary husband's name is jon stewart. and to the OP...doesn't it suck when you think everything's great and then they just bail? that's what happened to me too. god, it's the worst!!!!
BrianG Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I am stuck at the apartment that we picked out together, while she is trying to get her name of the lease. I went a month of NC and she asks about me making sure i pay the rent on time because her name is still on the lease. I ask her about a medical problem she had right when we broke up and she cannot even give me the common courtesy or decency to let me know because unlike her i still care and love her. I cannot even get a response after spending 5 years together, when she is the one that contacted me. Just a little angry that someone can ignore me after Im paying all the rent in the apartment that we both lived in and i cannot even get a simple reply back. This sucks and I cannot wait to be over this, but I dont want to. Sucks being in love with someone that no longer loves you.
so_sad Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 I can totally relate to your story. I finally posted my own long story last night but it mysteriously disappeared due to the "corrupted files" problem. Basically the short version is: with him for five years, engaged, own a house together, and he just walked one day, would not go to counselling, would not do anything. Since then he's been alternately civil and horribly mean. He is going out all the time, with women, and just generally living like he's a teenager (he's 37). It's almost like the person I spent five years with is gone. It is THE WORST feeling. It makes you question your own worth, not to mention your judgement (how did we end up with people who would do this?). I can tell you that the crying does get better - at first I cried non-stop (I mean, I really couldn't get through an hour without breaking down) but it's slowing down. But thinking about the whole thing is killing me. I also wish I had an On/Off switch on the back of my head. Hope you feel better soon.
Nomad1 Posted December 23, 2007 Posted December 23, 2007 Why do we care about such horrible, irresponsible and reckless people? In my case my wife of 18 years has become infatuated with this guy who is a criminal and a former heroine addict. We have 3 chiildren and a very nice house. She said that she does not deserve me and that I am too nice. I am being forced to divorce her and to sell our house so that we can go our separate ways. She is always out and I am in the house with the kids as I type. I guess I am too stable and boring, usually come straight home after work, cook dinner and wake the kids up in the morning to have their breakfast while she is still asleep. But I tell you what, I am just being calm, cool and collected while this is going on. Once I move out, I'll leave her a$$ behind and will avaoid her like the plague. Have you considered moving job? Start afresh. You sound like a nice girl. You will find someone who will love and cherish you the way you deserve. He must be aware that the situation is making you feel uncomfortable and is deliberately doing it. He doesn't deserve you and is clearly insensitive to consider dating someone who works at the same place as you. He clearly doesn't care about your feelings and perhaps never cared. Forget about him.
Author cant let go Posted December 24, 2007 Author Posted December 24, 2007 Thanks to everyone for your support and comments. I'm home with my family for the holidays and I have been doing pretty well. I had a tear form in my eye this morning as I was thinking of last Christmas, but I quickly turned it off. As much as I am sad and hurt by my ex leaving me, I know that he did not and is not trying to hurt me. Since we broke up (well after the initial begging and pleading) I have been acting very strong around him and acted as if I'm doing really well. It was very inconsiderate of both of them to start a relationship considering the circumstances, but while they are both very immature and selfish, they are not (at least he is not) vindictive. He feels that we are not right for each other for reasons I cannot understand and he is now just trying to move on with his life. By running to the next closest pair of breasts he may or may not find what he is looking for, but I know that he is confused and I don't have any hate or anger or resentment toward him. I will always love him and treasure the memories I have with him. I know that we will manage to keep in touch lightly for a long time because we both really truly care about each other a great deal. The pain has lessened over the past few days. I'm sure it will resurface again, but for now I'm going to enjoy my sense of peace. Happy Holidays to everyone! Thank you for reading.
alexa137 Posted December 25, 2007 Posted December 25, 2007 yes this christmas is so depressing without a loved one in your life i miss my ex so much and wonder what he is doing today. i have been trying to hold back the tears yesterday and today but its hard especially when i went to chruch and to see everyone with someone and kids makes me wonder if i didnt have miscarraige what would have happened? i keep thinking what i did last year this time almost everyday. my only christmas wish is for my ex to contact me in some way thats all i want- i guess just to feel like he cares, or still thinks about me you gotta wonder and i do that alot and wish it would go away so many times i want to just text him or something but ive done so good the past 2 months there are really really bad times though i wonder if i did if he and how he would respond but i am kinda scared i want to pretend i forgot his # but it doesnt work but ive decided that if i dont hear from him by the first of the year that i will never again so i will trash EVERYTHING! notes, cards, pics etc... dont know if it will help though
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