bf's son's friend is obnoxious

[lexi29]

my bf's son has a 10 yr old friend (next door neighbor) who is very unruly to say the least. I think he is probably a good hearted kid and my bf's son loves playing with him but this kid drives both me and my bf crazy at times. First my bf would leave his apartment unlocked (live in a small town) and noticed that when he'd come home from work the door would be open (nothing missing) and things would be moved (different movie in dvd player, one time milk was left out on the counter with the lid missing and a dirty cereal bowl in the sink. So he suspected that it was his son's friend (I'll call him Jimmy) that was coming over and letting himself into the apartment. My bf spoke to him about this and told him not to. It kept happening so my bf just started locking the door.

 

 

When Jimmy comes over he is LOUD, he is extremely hyper and he NEVEr listens even if you yell at him. Last night he was playing with my bf's son and they were joking around and out of no where he just went over and kicked my bf's vacumm cleaner. Just slammed his foot into it and almost broke the plastic. did that about four times until my bf noticed (was in another room) and screamed at him to stop. He will not listen to anything my bf says and if I tell him not to do something he just looks at me and laughs. I have kicked him out of the apartment on a few occassions but I feel badly cause my bf's son has no one else to play with. this kid is not mean or vicious but he just doesn't listen to anything and does things to deliberately annoy you. He also is constantly asking for food. Last night we had a bag of chocolate chip cookies and I told him he could have one and he went thru the bag (we werent' watching him) and he pulled about eight cookies apart and took out the chocolate and put the crumbs back in the bag. ruined almsot a dozen home baked cookies.

 

He also constantly asks my bf for money ($1 or 2) so he can buy gloves or school supplies and my bf will say no and tell him to ask his mom and he will just go sneak the money or do it in front of my bf's face. I have no idea why his mom would have no food in the house or why she couldn't buy him school supplies ( his mom is my bf's neighbor and she is never home and doesn't pay much attention to her 3 kids) because this kid has expensive clothes and toys- he has a WII and XBOX 360 and everything else you can think of. He has two older sisters and once my bf yelled at him and his 12 yr old sister (for throwing snow at his son) and Jimmy (the neighbor boy) started crying hysterically because my bf yelled at his sister.

 

This kid just does not take NO for an answer. My bf and his son and I were going out to eat one day and Jimmy just jumped in the truck. he would NOT get out. He wanted to go with us. My bf said no (his mom wasn't home) and he just would not get out of the vehicle. My bf tried to pick him up and remove him and he just kept laughing and kicking at him. His son wanted his friend to go so my bf gave in. The kid has NO manners. I gave him a can of pop once when he stopped over (my bf's son wasn't there so the kid decided he was going to hang out with the two of us. when he left he drank the pop then threw the empty can on our neighbor's porch. We put the christmas tree up this weekend and Jimmy got behind it and tried to knock it over. We literally had to move the tree to get him out of there. My bf and I both agree this kid should be on Ritalin or something. My bf has spoken to his mom once about him coming into his apartment when no one was there. It didn't help the situation.

 

The boy's mother is NEVER around. she comes and goes all hours of the day and night. If you tell Jimmy NOT to do something, he gets a kick of out trying to do exactly what you told him not to. His dad is in the picture but he doesn't see him except for some weekends. He will sometimes be sweet and ask my bf for a hug or try to tickle my bf to get him to play around. at first my bf used to joke that he was "my other son" but now he just can't stand being around him and neither can I. I just don't know how to handle him.

 

A typical visit from this kid includes: he barges into the house without knocking, asks for something to eat. If you tell him no he will rummage thru the cabinets and just get something. He will then go into the living room and mess things up_ take out toys he doesn't play with, just throw them around, try to knock over the christmas tree. We have a train under the tree and the batteries in it are low. My bf told him not to turn the train on- of course Jimmy switches it on immediately. My bf had to take the batteries out of the train to stop him. He then just wreaks havoc on the apartment- will go thru drawers. Last night he was playing with a lighter putting it up to my bf cell phone trying to melt it. My bf caught him and grabbed the lighter from him and yelled at him. The kid just laughed. Sometimes I think he needs a good spanking but obviously that is not up to either me or my bf. Is there anything I can do?

[Ronni_W]

Yikes!

 

The only thing I can think of is for you two to have a talk with OWN son, and give reasons why it isn't possible for Jimmy to visit anymore -- talk about his disruptive BEHAVIOUR, dangerous ACTIONS, disrespectful ATTITUDE, etc. (Not ever labelling Jimmy himself as "bad" or unlovable.)

 

Just make it clear that you do not approve of those types of things in your home, and will no longer allow it. Perhaps also express concern about effect of those things on OwnSon, and explain that it is your adult responsibility to ensure what you consider to be healthiest and most positive environments and influences for OwnSon.

 

If you're okay with it, explain that outdoors or at school, you are fine with them being friends as long as OwnSon does not start exhibiting "copying" behaviour.

 

Now, you could try to set guidelines for Jimmy one more time -- where he clearly knows the consequence is that he will not be allowed to visit if he does not follow YOUR house rules.

Can't really say I think that would have any effect but might help you feel better about needing to ban him .

 

I certainly do empathize with Jimmy but this is something you need to do for your OWN kid, as much as for your own household! You two have to be role-models. It isn't mean or over-reacting. And once you set those boundaries, do patrol them like crazy...that may end up being the hardest part.

 

I don't need to say you're not responsible to meet Jimmy's basic needs for food, love and supplies. It is not cold-hearted to take measures to protect your own son and your own personal effects...and sanity! Best of luck.

[JaneInVegas]

Even before you got around to mentioning the mother is never around, I knew this was an extremely neglected child. He is SCREAMING for attention and is getting what he needs by any means necessary.

 

Probably you don't want to get involved since it's a next door neighbor, but it's in the kids best interests to have social services check out the situation. I don't know for sure, but I'm relatively confidant you may remain 100% anonymous.

 

Yes, his behavior is driving you crazy, but far more important is the fact he and his siblings are not getting enough attention, and not getting all their needs provided. Can you imagine how it must feel to be in his/their shoes?

 

Please consider having social services check out the situation. I know it's really hard for some people to take that step, but it's a lot harder for the kids to try to grow up and become normal people in their situation.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Kenyth]

Man, I've heard stories about kids like this. I'm telling you, it's tough. You can tell him he's not allowed on the property and call the police to file a disturbance if it doesn't stop. Police are loathe to actually do anything in situations like this. You will need to have a serious talk with the parent before anything else. You probably should have done that already.

[lexi29]

My bf HAS talked to the kid's mom. And nothing changes. I was there last night and his mom was home for maybe a half hour and then she left and was gone for most of the night. It is to the point where I"m ready to tell my bf its either me or this kid (as in this kid is NEVEr to come over when I'm around) I feel terrible about this because this kid is his son's only close friend in the area. (lives right next door). My bf's lease is up in Feb so I'm hoping he moves to a different apartment and away from the kid from h*ll. I feel terrible about this cause I know he is just starved for attention.

[Ronni_W]

...his mom was home for maybe a half hour and then she left and was gone for most of the night.

 

Hi Lexi.

None of this is on Jimmy -- it is his mom and the other adults in his life who have let him down in serious and horrible ways.

 

If she leaves young kids unattended for that amount of time, perhaps you do want to consider if it is time to get Children's Aid involved?

In the long run, that may just be the best, most loving thing you can do for Jimmy (and any young siblings he may have.)

 

No easy answers, many tough decisions. Best of luck.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

It's age appropriate. If you really want this to work,then let the two of them work it out. Stay under the radar with this one.

[a4a]

Is it legal to leave a 10 year old home alone for that long a day?

 

I would tell the mother that this child is no longer welcome in your home.

 

But you may want to back that up by locking the door.

 

If this kid gets hurt in your home, or claims he was...... guess who is liable?

You!

 

So either adopt the child legally or keep him out of your home.

[lexi29]

It's age appropriate. If you really want this to work,then let the two of them work it out. Stay under the radar with this one.

 

 

Let the two of WHO work it out? The boy I'm talking about isn't my bf's child. Its his son's FRIEND. A next door neighbor.

 

As for leaving a ten year old at home all day- well his sister is 15 and I think she is the one who is supposed to babysit but she is out and about just like her mom. She is rarely home. The middle child is 12 and she watches her brother as well. My bf doesn't want to ban the child as he is his son's only friend in the area. We are just looking for ways to set limits while he is at my bf's apartment. Anyone know what would work best with him? I should mention that the 12 year old girl is very well behaved but one thing that bothers me is she "flirts" with my bf and other adult males. Not saying this as I feel threatened or anything stupid but just feel it is inapropriate behavior for a 12 yr old girl. She will say to my bf "do you love me? I know you LOVE me" and bat her eyes when she comes over to borrow dvds from him. She also comes over to ask for help with her homework because her mom is never home to help her.