Aflac Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Hello, this is my first time ever posting on a board like this. I'd just like to get other people's take on my situation, maybe it's a lot easier than I think. I've been dating my girlfriend for over a year, we recently moved in together a few months ago. We met at a bar, we had both just gotten out of long term relationships a few months prior to when we started dating. The relationship has always had it's share of ups and downs since the beginning. Lately, I've been having a hard time because I just finished school and I haven't been able to find the right career opportunity, to say that I get stressed or worried would be an understatement. I might need a 15 minute conversation every couple of days of reassurance, but I generally am I pretty positive and upbeat person. The number one thing that bothers me is that Christmas is coming up and financially, I'm just not in a position to go all out. But lately, my girlfriend has been overwhelming negative. She is never happy, I haven't seen her in an upbeat good mood in at least a month, she thinks she is "fat" when she isn't, she talks about how her life sucks, etc. This has been going on for a good month, there are no mood swings, it is always like this. It has become unbearable. I try to talk to her and ask her if something deeper is bothering her but she gets offended and says I wouldn't understand or care, I say I would, but she never gives in. My girlfriend also had weird quirks that bother me, it's like if we do something with my friends or family - she shuts down and doesn't really socialize with anyone, she says it's because she is "shy". But she is very outgoing and social with her friends. I also have a few hobbies that I get a kick out of but she goes out of her way to demean them and say they're stupid. But at the same time, I can't help but love this girl. Sometimes I feel like God brought me in her life to help her think more positively. Does that sound crazy? And when it's just me and her and we're relaxing and getting along, it feels perfect. I don't really know what I'm asking, is there anything I can do to improve the relationship? Should I consider breaking up with her? I know this is random information so if you need more, just ask. Thanks.
LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Welcome Aflac. Sounds like the best of times are when your alone relaxing together; that's a good thing....but if it seems to be the ONLY good thing...yes I say you should consider weather or not to stick around...because her unhappiness is making you unhappy too, obviously. Your attempts to be there for her have been apparently uneffective...which also makes you unhappy. When she says "life sucks"...she probably doesn't realize that you might take that somewhat personally. She can't love another properly until she loves herself first, and it sounds like she needs work in that dept. You could sit her down and say you love her, but she doesn't seem to love herself and only SHE can fix that, it could be hormones or it could be that she needs therapy or anti-depressants. If she's willing to put effort into changing something for herself and for your relationship, you'll be there for her...otherwise, tell her how negative she sounds...and your positive attitude clashes with this. It's also important to be with someone who meshes well with our families, so if this doesn't happen it can be a big strain on relationship; only you can decide if that's worth it or not. We all have problems and appreciate those who are there to listen, but bringing someone else down with you is another story. And with your own struggles right now, you need someone who's encouraging and supportive, but I don't think she's in a place to be that for you. Just my opinion...
LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Also, by calling your hobbies "stupid" - she might as well just say she doesn't even love you for who you are.
Recommended Posts