getonwithlife Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Wow, its only been five weeks since I talked to her. Our last meeting clarified that she likes being alone and wants no romantic contact with me right now. "But" she was flirtatious, touchy feely, and stated she liked being with me (very confusing). I told her I couldn't be with her as just a friend right now - it hurts too much. She replied, does that mean forever? I stated "no", but right now I have to say goodbye. Holding back tears as best as I could, I stood up and walked away. Not a moment goes by I don't think about her. Everywhere is a memory. My apartment. Where I like to eat out, where we work (havent seen her here, big hospital). Sometimes I am feeling stronger and know that perhaps she isn't the right one. But Christmas is coming up (you guys all know the deal....) I am off, she is going to be on call in the hospital for 24 hours on Christmas day. My heart is pulling at me to at least give her a merry Christmas card without any additional drama enclosed, but my head is questioning such an action. What do I do? And by my saying goodbye, did I take away here ability to contact me, even if she wanted to? Im thinking of you all during the holiday and praying that you will have an enjoyable one......
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 You wonder if you saying goodbye made her pull back? Well I think she's running in her head asking herself "is it ok to call him?" Just like you're wondering if it's ok to give her a card. I don't see anything wrong with giving her a card, except it may confuse her.
Author getonwithlife Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 To clarify, she ended the romantic relationship. I closed the door on a "touchy feely, I don't know what" type of relationship, by saying goodbye. I wish that I could be just her friend, but it just really hurts to think of her in that capacity right now. Should I man up, be her friend on the outside when on the inside it is painful? Would that not make me appear weak (taking what i can get). I just don't know. I believe continuing NC is probably best for right now. I am just stuck on this "exception" for Christmas.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 No, you need time to heal before you can be a true friend to her. Once you have accepted the idea of her being with some one else, that's when you know you can be just a friend.
jimmer21 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i wouldnt send her one, you were the one thatsaid goodbye trying to be strong! she ended the relationship let her no you arnt thinking about her all the time with the card, she may even contact you after if you dont acknowlegde her. but in the end its up to you, i said the same to my ex i can not be freindswith her one it hurts to much and also i need to stand upfor myself do i wana be hearing about her new man hell no be a man take some pride best way. i love myex tobits well before the split and would love to go back to old ways but i would make sure she proves tome its what she truely wanted if she did ever come back. ont be a push over
norajane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Being her 'friend' is not going to help you forget your romantic relationship with her. It's just going to make it worse each time you see her and 'pretend' that you are ok with it. You'll get home and feel like sh*t each and every time. Do not send a card. You are nowhere near able to be just a friend to her. Keep in mind, she may have already started seeing someone else. And even if she isn't, she eventually will, and there you'll be, her 'friend' watching her go out with another guy, hearing all her stories about him, etc. Do you really wanna torture yourself like that? What for? LET HER GO.
82knightrider Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Youve done good .5 weeks of no contact . Sending a card might take you back to the intense feelings you had when you walked away. Do you want to relive those experiences. Have 5 weeks of no contact helped you? Remember the reason you picked your screen name
Author getonwithlife Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Thanks all. Just very difficult to know if I have done the right thing. Wondering if she has any diff. thoughts but won't contact me because I said goodbye. wishful thinking I guess. Trying to let go but it is very hard.....
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Thanks all. Just very difficult to know if I have done the right thing. Wondering if she has any diff. thoughts but won't contact me because I said goodbye. wishful thinking I guess. Trying to let go but it is very hard..... It's always the hardest thing, but you just have to be thick skinned and don't let it soak your brain too much. Sit-coms, chocolates, and a warm fuzzy blanket. That's what I prescribe.
sedgwick Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 don't do it. she's the one who doesn't want you in her life as a romantic partner, so why does she get to have you in her life at all? give her a chance to miss you.
82knightrider Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Thanks all. Just very difficult to know if I have done the right thing. Wondering if she has any diff. thoughts but won't contact me because I said goodbye. wishful thinking I guess. Trying to let go but it is very hard..... Never regret anything you do .Weather you made a good decision or bad because the minute you regret is losing that minute to progress. It doesnt matter anymore what she thinks! Shes gone! Concentrate on yourself and go out ,stay busy. Be positive, you control your own destiny.
Crestfallen_KH Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I think holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries are times where it's especially important to continue NC. By letting these dates pass, you're clearly sending a message that you have moved on. Sending a card would only confuse the issue, particulary since you told her to stop contacting you. You could reset yourself if she responds and that, in the end, would only harm you and your healing process.
someone3434 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 If she wanted to be with you she'll find a way to contact you. You sending the card only proves to her that you are always going to be there waiting for her. Screw her. She's the one that ended it. Why do you care if she is in your life as a friend? It's a hard question to answer but for most of us its because we think that maybe we'll get them back. Let the holiday pass. Move on with your life. If it's meant to be it will work its self out. You sending a card won't have anything to do with that.
SmileyFace82 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Have i made a terrible mistake then? I've sent my ex a Christmas card and we haven't been in contact for about a month. The only time we've met up before then was to get a few issues sorted out and for her to give back my stuff (i asked for them back). I've sent her a Christmas card cause i actually genuinely want to wish her a Merry Christmas, was that the wrong thing to do? I still love her but she is with someone else (the guy she left me for) and i've accepted that finally after 3 months. I've also started dating again and a lot of other things is happening in my life right now i feel that i am well and truly moving on but yes obviously i still miss her now and again. I've sent the card and i'm not expecting anything in return, not even a phone call or anything. I sent it to keep my mind at peace and not having to debate with myself whether i should be doing it or not and this way i can concentrate my mind on other things... I know that many people would not agree with this approach. Opinons are very welcome.
Trialbyfire Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 There's no right or wrong to this and since it's done, it's done. For future, for your own peace of mind, I would avoid any form of contact. The more special occasions you make it through without contact, the easier each one gets.
someone3434 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 "I've sent her a Christmas card cause i actually genuinely want to wish her a Merry Christmas, was that the wrong thing to do? I still love her but she is with someone else (the guy she left me for) and i've accepted that finally after 3 months. " There is no right or wrong with some of this. But ask yourself this...what happens when she doesn't send you one back? It's ok to care about someone and love someone. I think most of the people here still care about their ex. The question is...do you you want that person to know that you still care about them in a way that they probably don't with you? It sucks but you have to come to terms with that. Why do you want to wish someone a Happy Holiday when they left you for someone else?
SmileyFace82 Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 "I've sent her a Christmas card cause i actually genuinely want to wish her a Merry Christmas, was that the wrong thing to do? I still love her but she is with someone else (the guy she left me for) and i've accepted that finally after 3 months. " There is no right or wrong with some of this. But ask yourself this...what happens when she doesn't send you one back? It's ok to care about someone and love someone. I think most of the people here still care about their ex. The question is...do you you want that person to know that you still care about them in a way that they probably don't with you? It sucks but you have to come to terms with that. Why do you want to wish someone a Happy Holiday when they left you for someone else? Hey cheers for the response, i do appreciate it. Your last line is a great question... I do often ask myself why i wish her well even after what happened. I've gone through all the emotions in the last 3 months but i've now got to the stage (maybe it'll change again! ha) where i've learnt to accept that they are just two people who WANT to be with each other. Although the circumstances were very painful for me and perhaps she could've treated me better once we split but at the end of the day she fell out of love with me. Maybe i shouldn't blame myself, but i did become a guy who was just hopeless, who lacked direction and everything that came with it and that was not the guy she fell in love with. Yeah she's gone to seek pastures new and well i'm just using this experience to make my life better. I know i won't get her back (cause it's not my intention to do so anymore) but i want to prove her wrong, she did give up on us (we had been through a lot together, and was very much in love at one point). As for not receiving a christmas card back, well i'm not too fussed. I've sent mine and i'm happy with that. If she doesn't even say thank you then again there's nothing i can or will do about that. It's her choice. It is actually her birthday coming up too in Jan... i will wish her happy birthday regardless (prob via SMS). Why am i doing this? i still care about her and would want to be friends with her in the future. I'd deleted her off my facebook and MSN to help me get over her (to help with the NC), she probably feels i don't want to know her anymore because of that... but i've come on leaps and bounds in the last month or so and i feel that i'm ready to just be friends with her or at least start our friendship all over again. If i don't get much of a response at all even after her birthday then i know that i must drop it completely and accept that is that...
82knightrider Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Nooooo,stop torturing yourself.Dont give her jack sheeit! You obviously still have some type of feelings for this girl and she has none whats so ever for you. Go talk to all the woman you can,theres a whole world full of them. Stop cold turkey,forget her bday!
SmileyFace82 Posted December 21, 2007 Posted December 21, 2007 Nooooo,stop torturing yourself.Dont give her jack sheeit! You obviously still have some type of feelings for this girl and she has none whats so ever for you. Go talk to all the woman you can,theres a whole world full of them. Stop cold turkey,forget her bday! I do agree to a certain extent. I have been talking to a lot of other women and have been getting a lot of numbers etc as part of my "moving on" process. That's not a problem, but you're right, i do still have feelings for her. It's tough, i guess it's cause i'm going to be alone for Christmas and that's probably why i'm feeling like this...i'd imagined spending it with her. One of our mutual friends has flown back for Christmas holidays and had drinks last night which i wasn't invited to (she's her best mate, she's the one who introduced us together in the first place). That wasn't a problem, i kinda understand that but my other friend (who is more friends with me) was there and was speaking to my ex last night. My ex was telling her that she's seeing someone now and that she met this guy through friends (which is a lie) but it's not a long term thing. This guy i hear is a bit of a player so maybe she's just with him for some fun (not important either way). Anyway, when my friend was telling me this i immediately felt really ****ty again and i tried to be normal but inside i was feeling torn apart and really hurt... so i went out myself and got drunk to get over it which is how i'm dealing with things lately. But recently i've been thinking that i've moved on a lot and that i'm ready to be friends with her again, which is so far from the truth cause i'm not. I get all angry and upset just hearing that she's telling other people about her and her new man. I' had already sent her a Christmas card so i can't do anything about that...with regards to her birthday, i am having second thoughts...i might just do as you say and just leave it... i don't know what to do...
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