SouthernT Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Good idea or bad idea to send an email confessing your feelings for someone that you have been casually friends with for the past year? Opinions and examples please?
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Email? No. Face to face? Possibly. Examples. Well I had a friend tell me he liked me, face to face, and I turned him down and we're awesome friends to this day. I'm not saying you will be turned down! I'm just telling you what happened to me. And that face to face is the only way to go.
whatrwedoinghere Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Tell them face-to-face. Emails will give them time to think. And may not reply to you. And by the time you guys meet up again, they might act weird around you. So tell them straight on. Good luck!
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Agree, face to face. It won't ruin your friendship if she turns you down. That's an irrational fear. Retaining the friendship depends on how both of you behave AFTER you confess, not the confession itself.
Author SouthernT Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Agree, face to face. It won't ruin your friendship if she turns you down. That's an irrational fear. Retaining the friendship depends on how both of you behave AFTER you confess, not the confession itself. ummm...I'm am woman...
LN99 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I wrote a guy and email once confessing my feelings. Unfortunately, he didn't feel the same. But, I'm glad I got it out there. Plus, there wasn't much for me to lose because he was away at college. (I knew him all throughout high school.) So because he was away, I didn't have to face him after I said all those things. You are in a different situation though. In your case, I think an email would be impersonal. Emails generally are when you confess that sort of thing. I realize it now that I am older....I was only 18 when I did all that. Why not try talking to him or maybe hint around that you would be interested in going out on a date or something. See how he responds.
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 ummm...I'm am woman... Irrelevant to my advice but sorry . I wouldn't confess your feelings in a big, huge, "I think we are right for each other" way. Just do it lightly, like "sometimes I think about what it would be like to date you." Don't be friends with benefits. And sometimes guys do get in this situation and not make a move. I have a couple friends I would date...I keep my distance though since they are in relationships, but there are a few who I have not made moves on because I have no idea how to read them. That said, most likely you will be shot down. What does that mean? Nothing. Your friendship can thrive if that happens. It's irrational to fear losing the friendship. You might need a little space initially, but you will not lose him as a friend.
alterego1234 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Guy opinion here. I would echo what others said about face to face; if you can arrange to meet the guy and talk it over I think that is better overall. You can pick up a lot of information in body language and facial expressions that may help you better determine his reaction. I realize it's awkward and hard to do in person, but personally I would appreciate someone who was straightforward about it and didn't hint around. That would show me they had some guts and character, which I would appreciate (whether or not I Like liked them or not). I personally would also think about what my feelings would be about the other person based on what their decision is. Could I still be friends or not? I would also think about what you want or need from the other person that's driving you to confess your feelings. In my own situation, I've decided I need to let this woman I Like like know that I'm going to be backing off to the friendship level and why, and also find out if she's blowing me off or not. The former is so I don't confuse her, the latter is so if she's not interested in me at all I can move on and not pester her, and also tell her no hard feelings. ae
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I would echo what others said about face to face; if you can arrange to meet the guy and talk it over I think that is better overall. You can pick up a lot of information in body language and facial expressions that may help you better determine his reaction. I realize it's awkward and hard to do in person, but personally I would appreciate someone who was straightforward about it and didn't hint around. That would show me they had some guts and character, which I would appreciate (whether or not I Like liked them or not). Completely agree as a guy. I'd admire a woman having the courage to do that. I'd only caution against saying something heavy like "I think I could fall in love with you", etc. Guys sometimes need time to process emotional information. So reveal you'd like to date him and are developing attraction to him and feel something more than friendship without laying super strong feelings like love on the line.
Author SouthernT Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Irrelevant to my advice but sorry . I wouldn't confess your feelings in a big, huge, "I think we are right for each other" way. Just do it lightly, like "sometimes I think about what it would be like to date you." Don't be friends with benefits. And sometimes guys do get in this situation and not make a move. I have a couple friends I would date...I keep my distance though since they are in relationships, but there are a few who I have not made moves on because I have no idea how to read them. That said, most likely you will be shot down. What does that mean? Nothing. Your friendship can thrive if that happens. It's irrational to fear losing the friendship. You might need a little space initially, but you will not lose him as a friend. (sigh...) well, I guess that solves it. Gotta keep it inside. I asked him about two months ago if we were on the same page and his response was "we need to sit down and discuss that" and he hasn't attempted to have that talk. I got a text from him the other day saying "He wouldnt be able to satisfy me emotionally. He works soooo much" Funny how all the signs can be right there in front of our face and we refuse to accept the fact that we are being rejected and our feelings are not being reciprocated. Sucks.
Green Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 sorry to hear that babe, but if I were you I wouldnt put so much emphasis on talk and maybe just kiss the guy
Author SouthernT Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Guys sometimes need time to process emotional information. So reveal you'd like to date him and are developing attraction to him and feel something more than friendship without laying super strong feelings like love on the line. I tried to do that without being to direct and without trying to put him on the spot to much. I asked him last week when we were going to have our talk and he said "whenever you're ready to. Just let me know baby" That was on a Friday. And we agreed to discuss it that following Sunday. When I called Sunday, he didnt answer and didnt return my call. So I sent a text asking why he was blowing me off? And that's when he responded "I don't. I'm just hella busy. I wouldn't be able to satisfy you emotionally. I work sooo much". And I just responded saying "It's about communication more than anyting. I dont expect to be up under 24/7 b/c I'm not that kinda girl that expects to have every second of a man's time. And if you're not feeling me, I would rather you say so instead of blaming it on work." I just don't get him. We haven't had sex or anything. And when I pull away and stop contact, he finds a way for the contact to continue. Either through calling out the blue, texting, or instant messaging....I just don't understand. So when he does things like that, it makes me think that he's interested and the longer it goes on, the more I want to express my feelings to him.
Author SouthernT Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 sorry to hear that babe, but if I were you I wouldnt put so much emphasis on talk and maybe just kiss the guy MAN....if he only knew how much I dream about doing that EVERYDAY!
Green Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Like I said kiss the guy, dont nag him... you get bee's with honey then nagging... and how hott r u
Green Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 MAN....if he only knew how much I dream about doing that EVERYDAY! well then next time you see him latch on and go in for that kiss
fray718 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Hm...well I guess I'm the only one that differs. A man confessing to a woman is one thing, but as a woman, I think you should instead ask him to grab lunch or coffee or something and do some subtle flirting to gauge him interest. I think showing your interest naturally is better than a hollywood confession. I think that might scare him off even if he did like you.
LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Been there done that. Later I heard from a mutual friend that he wasn't exactly the most appreciative of an email; but that doesn't mean anyone would feel the same. Maybe you could 1st somehow figure out what he prefers for confrontation....would he be the type to confront someone in person, on the phone, email, etc? Which ever one it is, would probably be his preference for being confronted as well. If you've already tried other ways, then go for the email...the advantage there is that you can be pretty expressive and forward that way...he can also hear all your feelings without being able to interrupt...and it gives him time to process it before responding. Disadvantages are you can't go back, so once you hit that SEND button it's out there! You might go back and think of something you wish you didn't say...then there's the waiting for a response...otherwise nothing wrong with fessin' up in general..
alterego1234 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Hm...well I guess I'm the only one that differs. A man confessing to a woman is one thing, but as a woman, I think you should instead ask him to grab lunch or coffee or something and do some subtle flirting to gauge him interest. I think showing your interest naturally is better than a hollywood confession. I think that might scare him off even if he did like you. I think it depends on the guy. Guys who don't know what they want or are wimpy about communication and/or interpersonal conflict may appreciate your suggested subtle approach. Guys who can talk about things and know what they want can deal with and appreciate a more direct approach. ae
sunshinegirl Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 ...not to mention that he could send your email to his friends, who could send it to their friends... just be aware that you will lose all control of what happens if you deliver your message via email. I teach communication skills for a living and one central piece of advice we give clients is: be mindful of what medium you choose to communicate. We as humans intuit meaning in others' communication through three means: body language, tone, and words --- and words comprise only 20-35% of the meaning! When you speak in person you have access to all three parts of the message; with email? You lose up to 80% of the cues you would otherwise have to put the words in proper context, because you lose both body language and tone. Good luck...
LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I'd listen to sunshine girl! Thing with email is, it's easy to delete things and re-word them, think it out as long as you want, what sounds good bad or best, etc. Yes it's more comfortable, but it's also not letting your true self shine through; in person you might be nervous and trip on words, but even a tied tongue is probably more meaningful than well-thought-out email.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I think face to face. Email can describe how you are feelings, but visual, shows how you are feeling. Definately dont do it if you have been drinking .
LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 [ Definately dont do it if you have been drinking . Crucial advice!...Don't do a DWI and Dial while intoxicated.
melodymatters Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 As much as we all like to espouse " honesty" and "not playing games", I don't know if i would put my heart out there on my sleeve ! It's one thing if this is a shy guy you KNOW has been crushing on you for awhile, but otherwise, why HASN'T HE made a move on YOU ( if he were interested ) ??? I tend to find one gets better results when one lets the guy do the " chasing". I'm not being anti-feminist, I hate it as much as anyone, but that doesn't make it untrue. is there any way to hint ? Like at a really close moment of hanging out, saying something like " I am really ready for a NICE boyfriend right now" and then, let him either volunteer, get jealous, or say " hey I could fix you up with my friend bob !!"
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