LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 So I left off with going to the club on Friday night where Dan said he'd be. He wasn't as affectionate as usual, but he might have been caught off guard that I actually showed; otherwise he bought me drinks and introduced me to friends, etc. Anyhow, me and my girl friend were kidding around with him about having a "threesome" at one point. Dan did a Tequila shot that night so he probably doesn't remember this, but later on the phone I said "I want you bad right now" and he says "Well I wanted both of you"...then said he had to go and end of call. I felt somewhat insulted so I haven't called but he left me a voice mail last night (Tuesday) that said "So how p**d off at me are YOU? Call and tell me if you want. Gimmee a call bye". He was with buddies the whole night, so on top of being drunk, maybe he just wanted to look like a major pimp or something. I'd doubt he's even sure about what he did wrong? I was kind of surprised he cares enough to call about it....what if I suggest we meet for a drink to talk about it. If he wants to know that bad, I'll communicate the things he does to irritate me. I don't anticipate this turning into a true relationship, but I'm not ready to cut him off just yet. How should I respond? I haven't called him back yet.
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 You shouldn't joke around about having a threesome. It's not fair to tease us guys that way. It's convenient for the girl to say "we were just joking" if the guy says "I'm game." The only way for guys to handle a girl joking in that way is to say "I'm not that interested in that, unless of course, you were and it made you happy." I don't think he did anything wrong. You aren't bf/gf, and honestly, his statement was rather innocuous given you did joke to him about a threesome. Most guys would say "you were both so damn hot" given the context. Never, ever, joke about a threesome unless you are serious. It teases the guy and is assured to put him in a hole.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Very true, I joked about it with two male friends once, and they took me so seriously they drove to a hotel room with packs of beer before I could say "I wasn't serious."
Author LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Well, he was actually the 1st one to joke about it, so us girls laughed and went along for fun, I mean this was still at the club, it isn't like we were going to really have a threesome right then and there....and when he called me later, he didn't even give me a chance to say I wasn't really interested in it because he promptly "had to go" and get off the phone. If he didn't do anything wrong then why is he asking why I'm p**sd? He's never questioned me not calling him before, so why is he now?
Author LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Your right though...I already know that stuff like threesomes is nothing to joke about with guys, joke or not it makes them start breathing heavily and drooling like a dog....I wasn't even really "p*ssd" at him, I just didn't hear what I wanted to hear, which was "I want you too"... And by holding out on calling I think I was just putting space between us since I felt funny showing up to the club where he told me he'd be, but not as a date or whatever. Plus, we've been hanging out more often than we ever have which we all know makes ya question where the thing's really going...
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Sounds like there's some shades of gray here, things are not 100% black or white, which can make seemingly innocent things and conversations more complicated. You know what I mean?
LiveKhaos Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 No doubt about it! Don't ever play with a guy like that, because guys are ALWAYS game for a threesome or foursome...well at least most of them are...
Author LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Sounds like there's some shades of gray here, things are not 100% black or white, which can make seemingly innocent things and conversations more complicated. You know what I mean? So true...girls can be laid back enough to goof off over the idea, but not bold enough to go through with it...i guess guys don't get that... Don't know what to do now...call and say "Oh I wasn't really p*ssd, just busy..."?
WilliamWallace Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 My thought is that it sounds like he was doing the macho thing in front of his friends while drunk...If he was really pursuing it he wouldn't have gotten off the phone so quick...Rather he was probably telling the guys about what you said earlier and they coerced him into making the gag call...Which I would forgive the dude for... The fact that he called acknowledging you were mad might be good...It may mean he cares...The only part of the message I don't like is..."If you want"...That makes me wonder if you have yelled at him before...I think your good to let it slide and just be cautious about how he treats you hereafter... As for joking around about the threesome...Its never good to let that linger...Joking and being playful about it is one thing...But don't let it go too far without showing that thats all it was...You want him to like you for you...Not for the idea of a sex party But I have my own issues...Just my thoughts
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 So true...girls can be laid back enough to goof off over the idea, but not bold enough to go through with it...i guess guys don't get that... Don't know what to do now...call and say "Oh I wasn't really p*ssd, just busy..."? It might be a good idea to call and say "hey I was never upset or anything." But is that necessary? Maybe the whole thing will just blow over?
Author LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 William - I had the same thoughts about him acting "macho" and that he's actually showing he cares...And you were right...when we dated over a year ago I used to get mad at him a lot, mostly over minor thins I guess, and I'd go off. He would acknowledge this time after time, so I thought geez no wonder he's not consistent with me...so this time around I vowed to be more laid back and if something did upset me, I would just disappear instead of going off...which is what I did this time. I think it works, between coming to LS and having a few days to cool off, it all seems so minor now. Elven....I guess I should call and say something like you suggested, obviously he's wondering since he just called last night. I could just say I've been busy, but actually this would be a good time to have a mature conversation because there are other things about his behavior that bug me....like the fact that he said he'd "take me out" a couple weeks ago and he hasn't mentioned it again, although we've hung out, but not GONE out...I could just say I was looking forward to this, so what happened?
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 William - I had the same thoughts about him acting "macho" and that he's actually showing he cares...And you were right...when we dated over a year ago I used to get mad at him a lot, mostly over minor thins I guess, and I'd go off. He would acknowledge this time after time, so I thought geez no wonder he's not consistent with me...so this time around I vowed to be more laid back and if something did upset me, I would just disappear instead of going off...which is what I did this time. I think it works, between coming to LS and having a few days to cool off, it all seems so minor now. Elven....I guess I should call and say something like you suggested, obviously he's wondering since he just called last night. I could just say I've been busy, but actually this would be a good time to have a mature conversation because there are other things about his behavior that bug me....like the fact that he said he'd "take me out" a couple weeks ago and he hasn't mentioned it again, although we've hung out, but not GONE out...I could just say I was looking forward to this, so what happened? Or better yet, so as not to sound anything but optimistic, why not say "So are we still on?" Or something like that. :-)
Author LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Or better yet, so as not to sound anything but optimistic, why not say "So are we still on?" Or something like that. :-) Ok...well if I call back I have a feeling he'll cut it to voice mail, since he might think I'll be going off...so what about this, "I'm not upset but I was wondering about when you were going to take me out"? If I just said "Are we still on" I don't know if he would know what I was talking about ,since this was like a couple weeks ago..
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Good point, and good reply. It's non offensive, direct, and inviting. Love it:-)
Author LoveLace Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Good point, and good reply. It's non offensive, direct, and inviting. Love it:-) Oh thanks I feel better...I'll say "can you take elven out too?...oh wait that would be back to the threesome thing again...never mind! Guess I'll call him tonight after work, you know i"ll be here to update ya'wl, like always!
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Oh thanks I feel better...I'll say "can you take elven out too?...oh wait that would be back to the threesome thing again...never mind! Guess I'll call him tonight after work, you know i"ll be here to update ya'wl, like always! Don't tempt me with a good time! lol Hey good luck, can't wait for the update:-)
mortensorchid Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Everyone's right here! You should never joke about a threesome with anyone, drunk or sober! People feel very uncomfortable about these kinds of things no matter how much we make fun of it in our humor or whatnot. Once I was going out with this guy who introduced me to his friend and his wife. I made some comment about that we should swing when we get tired of one another. I think it made him uncomfortable, especially when he knew that a lot of the people in my circle of friends had been with each other at one point or another and we're all still friendly after. That's not the only reason he broke it off with me, but I think he thought I was serious. People are more uptight than you think!
Star Gazer Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 You shouldn't joke around about having a threesome. It's not fair to tease us guys that way. It's convenient for the girl to say "we were just joking" if the guy says "I'm game." The only way for guys to handle a girl joking in that way is to say "I'm not that interested in that, unless of course, you were and it made you happy." I don't think he did anything wrong. You aren't bf/gf, and honestly, his statement was rather innocuous given you did joke to him about a threesome. Most guys would say "you were both so damn hot" given the context. Agreed. He's your FWB. In laughing about having a threesome (i.e., not putting him in his place that you would NOT be down with that [although it seems like you are]), you opened the door for his comment.
melodymatters Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 All this " threesome" stuff aside, LL, think DEEPLY here: Dan and you didn't work out LAST time for a reason. I know you are lonely AND busy, and he is filling the gap here, but....aren't you the gal that wants true love, marriage and perhaps children ? Would you not perhaps be BETTER served forgetting about Dan, Marty, all of the guys from your past, and starting with a clean slate to find a guy who can give you what you REALLY WANT ? I want all that stuff too, ( minus the kids) and I've decided, I'm not going to settle, or waste any more time with inappropriate guys. Instead I will concentrate on ME and only date men who are on the same page. good luck to you sweetie, whatever you decide !
Legend Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 NEVER joke about a threesom with a guy. It's one thing if you're gonna follow through, otherwise you're just cold for bringing up something that almost every guy fantasizes about.
Racquel Colette Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Why do you want a guy who is basically saying he wants to do your friend? Don't you have any pride? God, please, don't call this guy. Have some dignity. Don't give your body to this guy and let him continue to use you like this.
Prodigal Princess Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I agree 100% with melodymatters. LoveLace, this guy is a waste of your time. Ive read a lot of your posts and you come across as an intelligent and mature person, however not when it comes to Dan. Calling him and asking for a date is just downright desperate. Please don't do it, you deserve better.
Author LoveLace Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 By being the 1st one to bring up the "threesome" thing, that left the door open for us to joke around with it, I didn't think he'd take it serious, anyway I'm not hung up that whole thing, because that's all it was, a joke. It's not as though I've never been there before, usually as the friend though....gosh my best friend and I joke with her husband about it all the time, and of course he wishes it'd really happen but he also goes along with the joke. It's one of those fun inside things but she's also been my best friend for 20 yrs. Of course I know I can do better than Dan, no question about that. It isn't as though I spend every spare second with him, not even close. Otherwise in my spare time, if I'm not studying or doing chores or working, I'm certainly not meeting other men. I have that 1 single girl friend to hang out with, and we're only able to get together maybe once a month or less. Besides that I have no one to go out on the town with. I don't have time to commit to any volunteer thing. I can't afford internet at home, or else I'd be on the Personals. If I want to goof off with Dan until somethign else comes along, then I will, I've never had a FWB that pays for everything, rubs my feet, worships my body, and if he doesn't want more I don't really care. If I"m not wasting the time with him, trust me the only other place I'd be wasting it is at home. And at home I don't get sex or drinks bought for me all night. In the mean time, my roommate's non-stop talking about the chicks he likes and hasn't been coming at night because he gets 3X more action than me, honestly if it weren't for Dan this would make me feel extremely lonely, something I can't afford to feel at this time in my life, if I do it'll deplete all motivation I have for everything else. Yea roommate's on my nerves. The way he talks about these chicks, makes me feel really unattractive. I'm not fat, but to him I am, because he only likes very very small women. He's not the best influence on me though I'm trying to blow it off as much as I can. He drools over the models on TV, he bitched about a girl he hooked up with that had stretch marks, I mean COME ON he's almost 40 and still expects women to look Fking perfect; can't say that about Dan, he likes the way I look. Sometimes I don't think I'm capable of a real relationship anyway, since the last one I BLEW and before that it had been 11 years, all I know is short-term and intermittent happiness. So I certainly don't sit around hoping that Dan will be Mr. Right. Long as I know he isn't, I don't see why I can't have fun.
Author LoveLace Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 oh one last thing...this is going to be my 12th XMAS and New Year's eve in a row without a boyfriend or a date. Why be that way the rest of the year?
Kamille Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 oh one last thing...this is going to be my 12th XMAS and New Year's eve in a row without a boyfriend or a date. Why be that way the rest of the year? Because Dan is a poor substitute for a boyfriend or a date any day of the year. He's a FWB. And I don't think I agree with you that Dan isn't keeping you from moving on to better things, greener pastures and finding true love. Plus, while I agree that talking about threesomes is teasing, why did you feel the impulse to go along with the joke Love? What are trying to prove to this guy? That you're sexy? Obviously he knows that, he's sleeping with you. I feel like you are caught in a combat to the death with this guy. You know he isn't right for you, yet for some reason you are trying to 'lure him in' and make him fall for you, maybe to prove something to yourself. Losing game Love. And a waste of time. And did you ever think that maybe settling for right now instead of aiming for what you want (and how you want to be treated) is what is keeping you single?
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