So I found out what my xmas present is....

[Pyro]

This thread makes me want to drink and get my Scrooge on.

 

Scrooge on?

[melodymatters]

Well I'm not seeing LB as not loving her boyfriend, or being materialistic and wanting a ring for rings sake. She wants a PROPOSAL.

 

She loves her boyfriend, they are planning a future together and she is hoping that perhaps he will give her a token of that future.

 

I see her as a sweet young girl, who really loves her BF and wants to marry him, and she is simply sharing her hopes, dreams, and excitement here, with us !

 

It's not like some of those threads saying " ewww, it's only a carat, I wanted TWO".

 

She wants the proposal and the token of love, which happens in our society to often times come in the form of a diamond ring !!!!

[Legend]

sounds like he's having a hard time keeping a secret himself lol

[Racquel Colette]

I think you should think twice about a guy who plays jokes about things like that. He should be absolutely thrilled to get you a gift because he loves you so much. Yet, he taunts you about getting a ring, and throws it in your face.

 

Frankly, if he doesn't come through with an engagement ring this Christmas, I would dump him. You want someone who feels and acts with his heart and soul, not some guy who taunts and teases. If you end up marrying this guy, he will be making constant 'ball and chain' jokes, 'lost my freedom now' jokes, etc. etc. etc.

 

Why can't he just be thrilled and feel lucky to be with you and get you a ring to show you his love for you instead of taunt and degrade you by asking you to look at a jewelry catalog and then telling you that he won't be getting you a ring?

This is not a man I would want to spend my life with and I think you are selling yourself short if you think you can't do better than him. You can.

[Racquel Colette]

LB, you said that it will be hard for you to hide your disappointment if you don't get the ring you want, really? Isn't that sort of selfish and materialistic? No, answers to follow as to why. Just because he asked what you liked in a catalog doesn't mean he owes you a ring. Not really, but it is taunting her and being rude and in a way degrading her. What ever happened to treasuring a gift fro your SO because they picked it out? What ever happened to a guy buying an engagement ring for his woman because he loves her and the look on her face when he proposes with the ring will be the happiest moment of his life?

 

Why is the focus of Christmas with your bf on this ring? Because he has been teasing and taunting her about marriage, then twists it around to make it look like she is badgering him about marriage. He's acting like an a-hole. It is more than the catalog thing (although that is the icing on the cake.) He is putting the focus on the present by continuing to bring up the topic to her.

[AriaIncognito]

Well, maybe you can think about all the wonderful women out there who don't have boyfriends who love them soooo much and who aren't getting any kind of gift from a bf they don't have.

 

Appreciate what you have, Lauriebell, and accept what gifts you are given with good grace and class. Don't be a pouty little so-and-so just because you might not get exactly what you asked for.

 

 

Amen NJ. I was reading this thinking wow, what a brat.

 

OP, I apologize but I hope you realize that is how you are coming off to the readers who don't know you, myself, for one.

 

A present, is a gift. It's an expression of what one person, wants to give another. You shouldn't set expectations on what he has to give you. He should be free to give you whatever he feels expresses his love. Whether its a ring, or a pen, you should be very happy that you have someone in your life who wants to make you happy and has put thought into giving you a gift, because it's obvious he didn't just go out and buy you "whatever".

 

It's ok to want something or wish for something, but don't let that want/wish kill all the good that could happen. Youre already telling us you are going to hate it. That's a horrible way to view it, because you know what, manifest destiny.

[AriaIncognito]

Why the hell would buy me two gifts I don't really want and put them in obvious place, PLUS put both amounts in Microsoft Money and tell him he hadn't put the price in there (he probably knew I'd check, he knows me pretty well). You guys are saying he is going to surprise me, gosh I hope you are right!

 

Did it ever occur to you that a RING could be given INSIDE of a jewelry box?? Honestly.

 

I hope he knows what he's in for. You're sabotaging everything before it even occurs.

 

Let him surprise you. Stop snooping!

[AriaIncognito]

Geeeeee, what's the MOST OBVIOUS place to put a ring? Hmm, where could it possibly be???? No, of course it wouldn't be in the JEWELRY BOX? No, of course not.

 

OOPS hahha. I replied saying this very same thing before I finished all the posts on the thread.

 

Great minds think alike, NJ. :-)

[melodymatters]

I still stand by my post ( #28)

 

.. And this is reminding me of stargazers recent thread, here she was sharing her feelings/hopes/dreams/expectations, and people were jumping down her throat left and right !

 

Um, if we can't come HERE to say all of the things in our heart, that we DON'T say to our SO's, friends etc, what's the flipping point ???

 

We COME here to HOPE, to FEAR, to let IT ALL OUT !

 

I'm glad I don't have a current dillema, because lately the tone here has been a bit.....mean spirited.

[AriaIncognito]

I still stand by my post ( #28)

 

.. And this is reminding me of stargazers recent thread, here she was sharing her feelings/hopes/dreams/expectations, and people were jumping down her throat left and right !

 

Um, if we can't come HERE to say all of the things in our heart, that we DON'T say to our SO's, friends etc, what's the flipping point ???

 

We COME here to HOPE, to FEAR, to let IT ALL OUT !

 

I'm glad I don't have a current dillema, because lately the tone here has been a bit.....mean spirited.

 

With all due respect, we come here to do all the above, yes. But by posting here, we open ourselves up to both the people who agree with our topic, and people who don't. I've had many where I've been jumped on, as you're saying. It happens. However, I'd rather people give their honest opinions rather than always just tell me what I want to hear.

 

Hopefully, the OP also wants to hear both the good and the not as good.

[Jilly Bean]

Hi, LB. I'm not going to pounce on you, as it appears you have taken a lot of flack for this posting.

 

The only thing I will comment on, however, is that there seems to be some type of mini-crisis all too frequently with this guy. It's like a few times a week there is some type of drama, and it's usually all for naught. Now, I am NOT trying to invalidate your feelings here, as obviously they are quite real for you, but I encourage you to perhaps take pause and think about how you (over) react to quite a bit in this relationship. I just get the feeling that you are often very wound up over the things that occur, and that you often seem a little out of control with what goes on with him. Do you feel that's true?

 

And I do have to add, it's not a good sign for your relationships that you do snoop around so much. That often portends of insecurity, or some type of fear. And it's not very healthy, either.

 

I guess what I'm driving at is maybe it's time to sit back, take a deep breath, and really be honest with yourself about how you process the daily trials of a relationship. I know you plan on marrying this man (yeah!) , but keep in mind that this type of drama and over-reactions won't fare well in a marriage. Just think how much lighter your day will be if you don't focus on every word he says, or every action he puts forth. Think how much nicer it will be to feel calm and relaxed, and perhaps get a surprise gift, or a surprise proposal, without trying to calculate in advance how it will play out.

 

There's no need to micro-manage him, hon. Just let it all happen, and please try not to take everything so to heart. It will serve you well in the long-run.

 

 

JB

[Star Gazer]

I hope he knows what he's in for. You're sabotaging everything before it even occurs.

 

Let him surprise you. Stop snooping!

 

SERIOUSLY, LB. STOP IT, RIGHT NOW!

[maynicholas]

LB- PLEASE don't get your hopes up to a place beyond reality. I know I have referred to my old post before, but here is a cut and paste. Be careful. If you really love him, don't let disappointment skew your visions of the relationship if you don't get what your hoping for. The heartbreak is devastating...

Here is the cut & paste- mind you I was with him for 10 years at the point of the post below. He is now my ex.

 

 

Guess what I got for Christmas!!!

Well...

 

I'm told I'm getting a present for Christmas that any girl would be happy to have... that if I don't like it all bets are off, that I didn't get anything for my birthday because he was saving up to get me this- so now it's a birthday/ christmas present... I ask- Is it a diamond? No answer... wow- finally- he gets it! I wash and dry my hair, I shave, I smell nice, I tell the bottle of Champagne in the fridge that it's getting opened tonight!

Yeah.

 

I finally thought this was it. Talk about hurt and let down. I opened the box and saw the diamond ring. I paused and waited thinking there would be a question about to be asked... he asked if I liked it. I said it's beautiful! wait... wait... wait... I ask- Is this it? Do you have anything to add? He says- What you don't like it? I said- This is it?- no question for me? He looks at me like I have 3 heads. I closed the box and said it's beautiful, but I don't want it. He doesn't get it. I said you don't get me a diamond ring unless you mean something by it. Thank you, but I don't want it. I go to the bedroom in tears.

 

I really and trully deep in my heart believed this was it. He led me to believe I was getting a diamond ring. I thought there is no way after all this time he would get me a diamond ring just for "a pretty ring"... but boy was I wrong.

[Star Gazer]

You really sound so incredibly ungrateful throughout this entire thread, LB. I'm really, really disappointed in you.

 

BF slipped and told me what my present was. I'm kinda sad that the surprise is ruined. Wouldn't you be sad if you ruined the surprise for yourself, regardless of what it is??

[Legend]

You're such a brat. I wouldn't propose either.

[Lauriebell82]

Oh my god. I just got out of work and saw what everyone wrote today. If I came off as some spoiled little brat I'm sorry. I guess I got my hopes up WAY too high with everyone saying "oh he has a surprise in store" bs. I thought about it all day at work, and I realized that it doesn't matter if he gives me a ring. I guess in a stupid way I wanted a ring to symbolize our love. NOT because I'm materialistic, it's not even an engagement ring that I wanted in the first place.

 

Actually I usually don't even snoop. Most of it (aside from looking in Microsoft Money was just by chance). The way I even came across the presents wasn't snooping, I opened the box where he had his presents for his family (which I knew where they were) to see if he had wrapping paper in there and my presents where in there. It doesn't even matter I know I was wrong I even admitted it!!

 

As far as my relationship goes, yeah I have had some stuff that I've asked advice about but so has everyone else..thats what this site is for!!! And I don't like that everyone jumped down my freaking throat about it. I am NEVER materialistic with my boyfriend and all about fancy stuff and how much money he spends on me. That is not important. Sorry that I feel he toyed with me, but his behavior was confusing. And instead I came off like some selfish brat. Well, today I decided that I would be happy with whatever he gives me. I do want a jewelry box and perfume, and I need both of them actually. So I will be thrilled.

 

Thanks Melody for sticking up for me, I appreciate it. For everyone else, thanks for the opinions I took them into consideration. Although some hurt my feelings, I don't really care because I was just voicing how I felt. I did want the ring, I guess in some stupid way I thought it would validate my boyfriend's committment to me (not engagement ring, right hand ring). I was never expecting a proposal at all, but I did want a birthstone ring. I don't see what is so wrong with that!!!! But if he gets me something else, then I will love it. Case closed.

[melodymatters]

Don't know why I appointed myself LB's advocate here, lol, but since I'm playing defense counsel......

 

 

First of all, the guy has been teasing her about engagements, presents, asking her to look through ring catalogs, for over a months worth of threads here. if her head is in a tizzy it is partially HIS fault !

 

Secondly, I do feel that she is just verbalizing ( well, writing) what many of us think or feel. I mean he was aking her to move into a condo he would buy and have in his name, and she would split the mortgage because that would help " their" future. If a guy is asking me to put this much trust in him, yeah, I would hope he would think more of me than " Aunt like gifts" like a jewelery box and perfume.

 

So then he TEASES her about not putting it in his quickbooks, and hiding the 'real" present elsewhere.

 

So, she is just being HONEST saying " Damn, I hope it's an angagement ring, and we can start really planning for "our" future, instead of pussy footing around !"

 

And remember, quite a few of us said, don't move in, if your eventual goal is marriage. Been there, done that. To her and others !!!

 

I guess I just feel like a LOT of us might feel that way, and it wouldn't make us " bratty", just being totally honest, with our 'friends"( us) about what we REALLY want and are wishing for !

 

 

Having said all that, yeah, no more snooping, share your excitement with us, but let the guy have his moment !

 

 

( And yes, being honest, there WERE times in past relationships, when if it wasn't an engagement ring, I WAS dissapointed and had to ' pretend" I was happy with the watch or whatever, but that didn't make me a " brat", and I didn't show it, I was quite simply... "dissapointed". Why can't LB be honest by saying she would be " dissapointed" if it weren't an engagement ring ? )

[underpants]

I also think he is a ...contender.

 

He is approaching the subject of a life together. The teasing stuff could be anything.

 

I can only offer what my sister went through. I think they dated in total around 3 years. There were many, many months near the end of their 'dating' days where there were...possibilities, questions, discussions...then a few months of none. One time especially there was the set up of all set ups, even I was like ...oh yea that is it. Didn't happen and yea, she was a little disappointed. Eventually, he did get the nerve up and he totally surprized her in a most creative way.

 

You will find out either way in a few days and if it happens to not be the time then cut him so slack and just enjoy having a man in your life.

[Lauriebell82]

Thanks Meloday and UP for the support. I'm not trying to act like a brat, honestly I think any women in my situation would probably be a little dispointed at not getting some type of ring for Christmas..and if they don't they they are either liars or in serious denial (not trying to make any feel bad or accuse just saying put yourself in my shoes!).

 

Yes, I'm going to stop snooping. I'm hoping for a ring, not even engagement but some kind of birthstone ring or something for the reasons that I have said before..sorry but I think that's a valid wish on my part. If he doesn't buy me a ring (engagement or otherwise) I will be a little dispointed..sorry that's just how I feel about the situation. If that makes me come off as a spoiled brat than so be it.

[Lauriebell82]

Just to add, I just went back and re-read some of the "less flattering" posts. The reason I want a ring so bad is not because of selfish and materialistic reasons. I am in no way a goldigger and I'm not high maintenance and demanding that my boyfriend buy me a beautiful and expensive ring. It's more that I would like it to show and symbolize my boyfriend's love and committment. Like Melody brought up, he has been bringing up the future a lot lately, making plans and things. I don't think it's too much to ask for him to get me some sort of symbol of committment and love. And I have told him this! I told him that I like gifts that mean something to me..and he even told me after he had bought the gift (before I found the jewelery box and perfume) that he had taken that into consideration. So you can understand my confusion on the issue.

 

Of course I know a breaking out a catalog doens't mean he owes me a ring, HOWEVER I find it a little disheartening that he had me choose rings that I like (both engagement and birthstone) right before Christmas. I mean it's like he is saying "Well, chose a ring you like, but actually I don't want to get it for you, sorry." You could see why that would be a little dispointing. And he knows how much I want that ring. Of course I want the jewelery box as well, but not in the same way.

[Star Gazer]

LB - I don't think anyone was insinuating that you're a gold digger or materialistic - not by a long shot. The fact that you're missing the point on this is what concerns me most.

 

What we were getting at is that lately you seem to want what YOU want when and how YOU want it, without any consideration for your BF's feelings...like a spoiled little brat. He gives you so much love, and has obviously put in effort to get you your Christmas present(s), but you're COMPLAINING about the gift(s) before you even know what they are! NOT ONCE have we heard you say that you feel so lucky to have your BF in your life this Christmas, that you'd be happy with whatever he got you at all. To the contrary, you seemed very ungrateful for any GIFT whatsoever - being "pissed off" and weighing which gift you'd want in order of preference...literally like a child whining about not getting the bee-bee gun they wanted, rather than being appreciative of all of the other toys given.

[Nevermind]

I knew criticism would come off the wrong way. However, I (for my part) did not want to make you feel bad. I only got the feeling that you tend to see lots of things black and white.

 

No ring = no good present. He might have gotten you the most thoughtful gift ever. There are tons of things that swim around my mind that would be great and thoughtful, yet you wouldn't care about those one bit, because they are not ring shaped. I really pity your boyfriend right now...because to me this feels very unfair to him. He doesn't have a chance to be good on his own. There is just one good option here - and it's yours.

 

You are spending Christmas with your beloved, many people can't say that. So be happy about it. You are only spoiling the fun for both of you. And everybody around you.

 

I am sorry if you feel attacked or offended at my posts, I probably didn't word it very well (not my language) but don't just write it off as stupid, unwanted comments. You were asking for opinions, and not everybody has to share yours. I wish you luck, and I wish you to be happy about your present, whatever it might be.

[Jilly Bean]

LB - read The Gift of the Magi, by O Henry. It's a wonderful (very) short story (you can probably find it online), and I think it may teach you something about love, gifts and the spirit of both.

 

[Nevermind]

http://www.online-literature.com/o_henry/1014/

[Jilly Bean]

Awww...how great are you, NM? Thanks! Did you read it? It's a great story...