stepheine Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I guess I am very pushy and needy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't mean to be, it just comes out this way!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should respect people when they tell me something and leave well enough alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I am hurt and feel so so stupid!!!!!!!!!!! And there is no way to fix it, put a bandaid on it or anything!!! I don't mean bad but I guess maybe I come across that way!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I react off of emotions and I shouldn't. I need to work on this!!!!!!!!!! Well, I emailed my ex yesterday who said he was considering us getting back together. I emailed him to ask him if he would like to meet for a coffee or something before x-mas b/c I would like to see him. I said we didn't need to talk about anything serious just so we could see each other. The response my friends was horrible for me at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He told me that obviously I did not know how to back off and that I am not longer in Limbo because there is now no chance of us getting back together. My pride is gone gone gone!!!!!!!!!! I have made myself look foolish to him and anyone he tells!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a lesson to learn the hard way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will be the relationship I got in that I will always cringe when I think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid Stupid Stupid me!!!!!
CalamitousJane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Oh hun, There's still time to back off completely. If there's real connection he'll never stop caring. Whether he's capable is a whole nuther question. What you did doesn't sound pushy at all - he's being cruel and rejective. Do you really want to be with someone who makes sudden "permanent" decisions about your relationship based on a single, friendly email. Yuck. Like you told me, if you hold his rejection close to your heart you WILL stop wanting him. I was so impressed that you did that before. Crazy thing about my story - in just the past couple weeks, I've been feeling more and more that my ex SHOULD be in my "just friends" zone. Why would I want to be with someone who's so conflicted? And of course, just when I'm not feeling very receptive toward him, he's desperate to communicate with me.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 That's so common with the ex factor, CJ, kind of gets annoying eh? But on the side of the OP, um, him saying maybe you two could work it out, you casually suggest meeting for coffee(harmless) and there fore he's done with it entirely? Ok, no no, makes no sense, he is wrong here, you are not. He is ridiculous, and needs to get his s**t together. You're not foolish or stupid, not at all. You've done nothing wrong here.
Author stepheine Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Calamitousjane Thank you, I just feel horrible!! It seems he holds all this power right now and he basically stated that. YES a lot of rejection!!!!!!! I am so glad you are feeling better!!! In this situation I have nothing to hold close to my heart except I made him angry!!!! It is not easy for me being on his string. I wish I could turn the table, turn the clock around. I could never be so cruel!!!
CalamitousJane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 No silly, the part you hold close to your heart is that he's being a vile, heartless creep. You didn't make him angry - you sent him a friendly email. I bet a couple days of crying will wash him right out of your heart He's hardly worth your tears you know. Will post my updated story later on. You guys helped me a lot!
Summer_guy_uk Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I guess I am very pushy and needy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't mean to be, it just comes out this way!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should respect people when they tell me something and leave well enough alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I am hurt and feel so so stupid!!!!!!!!!!! And there is no way to fix it, put a bandaid on it or anything!!! I don't mean bad but I guess maybe I come across that way!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess I react off of emotions and I shouldn't. I need to work on this!!!!!!!!!! Well, I emailed my ex yesterday who said he was considering us getting back together. I emailed him to ask him if he would like to meet for a coffee or something before x-mas b/c I would like to see him. I said we didn't need to talk about anything serious just so we could see each other. The response my friends was horrible for me at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He told me that obviously I did not know how to back off and that I am not longer in Limbo because there is now no chance of us getting back together. My pride is gone gone gone!!!!!!!!!! I have made myself look foolish to him and anyone he tells!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What a lesson to learn the hard way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This will be the relationship I got in that I will always cringe when I think about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stupid Stupid Stupid me!!!!! 1) Stop drinking coffee and/or lay off the drama. 2) Sounds like he's completely off you sorry, just try your best to move on
Ronni_W Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 It seems he holds all this power right now... ...I have nothing to hold close to my heart except I made him angry!!!! ...It is not easy for me being on his string. I wouldn't say that YOU made him angry. He over-reacted like crazy...usually that is something about them, not the person who triggered the over-reaction. Nor would I say that you are "stupid" -- maybe acting in misguided ways by allowing your emotions to get the better of you sometimes (or even most of the time, it really doesn't matter.) To me, that you recognize that you are putting out "neediness vibes" even when you don't intend to is a great place to start changing that particular pattern. He really only holds whatever "power" you are willing to hand over to him. It is a tough choice to decide to just cut that string, and even more difficult to grab that scissor (or chainsaw if the 'string' feels more like an iron cable.) -- I actually did such a visualization a few years back, and it took me two or three tries before I could actually make the break. Sending hugs and best wishes.
Author stepheine Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Thank you so much for these replies!!!
Author stepheine Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 Do you guys think that he will ever feel badly for treating me this way or do you think it will be justified in his mind??
cant let go Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Do you guys think that he will ever feel badly for treating me this way or do you think it will be justified in his mind?? i think both. he will feel bad, but he will be able to justify it in his mind thereby causing him to take no action in response to the guilt. with guys, the mind always wins over the heart. with girls, it is usually the opposite.
Ronni_W Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 Do you guys think that he will ever feel badly for treating me this way or do you think it will be justified in his mind?? Don't really know. Not really sure it'll make a meaningful difference, either way -- it was his crap, so whether or not he feels bad about it...it's STILL just on him.
BrianG Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I did the same thing and I did not even get a response for a request for coffee or something. I got ignored. I would a message like that anyday because it was at least a response. i got nothing, which i think hurts even more.
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