Treatment of women - are you happy with it?

[Trialbyfire]

Its not just men that look. I dated a woman years ago before I met my now wife, who was like that. We could go out to eat, shopping, to the movies, where ever, and she was always staring at other guys. I called her out on it, she acted like she wasn't aware she was doing it. I bought that for awhile but then noticed she still would do it ALOT, I got rid of her. I didn't have time for head games. I look at it like this, If I have enough respect to NOT do it to someone I'm with, I expect it in return. It was probably one the the best things I had done.

JJ, I'm calling you out on this one. Are you saying that you never look at women and say to yourself "She's cute" or "She's hot"?

[JackJack]

JJ, I'm calling you out on this one. Are you saying that you never look at women and say to yourself "She's cute" or "She's hot"?

 

Call me out honey.

 

Thats not what I'm saying. Sure its human nature to look. Yes I have looked, glanced whatever you want to call it. But there is a differnce between looking casually and gawking and staring like you want to jump in bed with another infront of the person you're with. That is what I'm talking about. If you want to be with me act like it, its common sense and not hard to do. And for some reason if it is hard to do, or you choose not to, then I don't have time for ya.

[Florida]

Its not just men that look. I dated a woman years ago before I met my now wife, who was like that. We could go out to eat, shopping, to the movies, where ever, and she was always staring at other guys. I called her out on it, she acted like she wasn't aware she was doing it. I bought that for awhile but then noticed she still would do it ALOT, I got rid of her. I didn't have time for head games. I look at it like this, If I have enough respect to NOT do it to someone I'm with, I expect it in return. It was probably one the the best things I had done.

 

Did she do it with all people (watching) or just men?

 

My guy is a bonafide people watcher, I've seen him looking at old, young, men,women, children, but when it is a pretty female I want him to have enough consideration to not look, especially because a girl takes it more as a compliment if she catches him loong, even though he was studying an old guy a second before.

 

When I stare or look, he will turn his head to see what I'm looking at, but he never says anything reprimanding. Just looks at me like "yeah...and?"

[ElvenPriestess]

That's what I mean about the second look JJ. You're right, it's not just taking notice, it's lusting. No good when you're in a relationship.

[JackJack]

That's what I mean about the second look JJ. You're right, it's not just taking notice, it's lusting. No good when you're in a relationship.

 

Exactly my point. I have taken notice before, who hasn't. But when I was with a woman I was dating, I didn't gawk so hard at other women like I wanted her to break me off a piece of that.

[Trialbyfire]

Call me out honey.

 

Thats not what I'm saying. Sure its human nature to look. Yes I have looked, glanced whatever you want to call it. But there is a differnce between looking casually and gawking and staring like you want to jump in bed with another infront of the person you're with. That is what I'm talking about. If you want to be with me act like it, its common sense and not hard to do. And for some reason if it is hard to do, or you choose not to, then I don't have time for ya.

Flirt...

 

I agree. Overt v. covert. Sometimes, the eyes will rest where they will.

[PandorasBox]

Call me out honey.

 

Thats not what I'm saying. Sure its human nature to look. Yes I have looked, glanced whatever you want to call it. But there is a differnce between looking casually and gawking and staring like you want to jump in bed with another infront of the person you're with. That is what I'm talking about. If you want to be with me act like it, its common sense and not hard to do. And for some reason if it is hard to do, or you choose not to, then I don't have time for ya.

 

 

That was what I was saying to JJ. That is what my EX did too. He stared so hard thought his eyeballs would pop out of his head! It is one thing to look, you're right, but quite another to have the look to jump their bones right then and there. I have looked before too, but I don't do all that like he did. It is about respect too. He had none, not just in that area but other areas too, so thats why he is an EX.

[ElvenPriestess]

Well I love the attitude you have JJ, and more men should share it;-)

[morelaugh]

I’m really glad I'm not the only one who sees this.

Thank you.

 

In this case I wasn’t talking about my H.

 

I work in a predominantly male environment.

They are all professionals, most of them very highly educated, all married, normal-decent-tax paying-law abiding-citizens, respected people in the society,..

There are only a few women.

 

Now, when an attractive woman passes by they all just stop what they were doing before and just stare.

They even have their own method of notifying each other that an attractive female is approaching!

It so high school!

 

I’m almost used to it, but when I start to thing about it, it is so immature.

I can’t respect them for that.

 

And, on the subject of respect, when I see them look at me like that, I know they make the same comments they make about other women – which all but showing respect for her. It’s hard for me to believe that they can really respect what I do professionally if they can look at me like that.

 

I recently got a big and very well deserved promotion – I worked very hard and I am very proud of what I have achieved. If I was a man, they would think the same.

 

Because I am a reasonably attractive female, half of them think I slept my way up; the other half is too busy trying to get into my pants.

 

It's so unfair.

[Trialbyfire]

Because I am a reasonably attractive female, half of them think I slept my way up; the other half is too busy trying to get into my pants.

 

Do you have any idea how arrogant this sounds?

• You view yourself above men.
  
• You view yourself above women.
  
• What are you?

People aren't out to get you, you know.

[morelaugh]

Do you have any idea how arrogant this sounds?

• You view yourself above men.
  
• You view yourself above women.
  
• What are you?

People aren't out to get you, you know.

I view myself as a reasonably attractive female.

I view myself as a reasonably successful professional.

 

Why does it sound arrogant?

 

Everything I said is true and I'm sure that the same thing happens to many other reasonably attractive women who happen to try to do something professionally.

[Trialbyfire]

I view myself as a reasonably attractive female.

I view myself as a reasonably successful professional.

 

Why does it sound arrogant?

 

Everything I said is true and I'm sure that the same thing happens to many other reasonably attractive women who happen to try to do something professionally.

Did they all come up to you and tell you this?

[morelaugh]

Did they all come up to you and tell you this?

What world do you live in?

 

Are seriously surprised by this?

You've never seen those things happening to women?

 

Other women, not just me

[Trialbyfire]

What world do you live in?

 

Are seriously surprised by this?

You've never seen those things happening to women?

 

Other women, not just me

Answer my question. How do you know this? Did they all come up and tell you they either wanted to nail you or felt you slept your way up?

[morelaugh]

Answer my question. How do you know this? Did they all come up and tell you they either wanted to nail you or felt you slept your way up?

Those who try to sleep with me - yes they were quite obvious in that.

As for the rest, not everything is said to your face.

And that doesn’t mean that you should be totally oblivious to that.

Being aware of that doesn’t make you paranoid.

You hear some things accidentally; you have friends who tell you what they hear.

So I have a ‘proof’ for the sample, not for all of them.

I answered your question, would you now try to answer mine:

In your life, do people always say everything to your face?

[Trialbyfire]

Those who try to sleep with me - yes they were quite obvious in that.

As for the rest, not everything is said to your face.

And that doesn’t mean that you should be totally oblivious to that.

Being aware of that doesn’t make you paranoid.

You hear some things accidentally; you have friends who tell you what they hear.

So I have a ‘proof’ for the sample, not for all of them.

I answered your question, would you now try to answer mine:

In your life, do people always say everything to your face?

Nope, people don't say everything to your face but not every man wants to sleep with you or resents your success. That's a copout for people who have difficulty getting along with their coworkers.

 

morelaugh, you have some issues you need to address. I strongly suggest some deep therapy. This is way, way, way beyond anything anyone can address on LS. Until you admit you have these issues, beyond the need for a superiority/inferiority complex, no one can help you, not even a therapist.

[morelaugh]

Nope, people don't say everything to your face but not every man wants to sleep with you or resents your success. That's a copout for people who have difficulty getting along with their coworkers.

 

morelaugh, you have some issues you need to address. I strongly suggest some deep therapy. This is way, way, way beyond anything anyone can address on LS. Until you admit you have these issues, beyond the need for a superiority/inferiority complex, no one can help you, not even a therapist.

It's simply amazing how people can diagnose, just because you don't agree with them (or with the majority)

I suppose you are qualified to make diagnosis like that.

[silktricks]

Do you girls really don’t mind when you see a bunch of guys staring at a passing female?

 

Do you really don’t mind to see, what looks like a group of decent males, to totally lose control over themselves just because a girl passing has a nice pair of tits? Or legs. Or whatever.

 

Do you really think it’s normal and ok to look at women mainly as sexual objects?

 

I can’t believe I’m the only one who feels this way.

 

You’re not really mind being looked at like a piece of meat? Or a pair of boobs?

I may be just an offspring of a feminist generation, but seriously girls, are you really happy with how the things are at the moment?

 

Cause if you are, I promise, I won’t post anymore.

 

I've always enjoyed seeing a man appreciate me, and I always thought that women who said they didn't were liars.

 

If you are truly an offspring of the feminist generation, you probably wouldn't be refering to the grown women on this site as girls which I personally find far more degrading than hearing a wolf-whistle or two.

[silktricks]

I’m really glad I'm not the only one who sees this.

Thank you.

 

In this case I wasn’t talking about my H.

 

I work in a predominantly male environment.

They are all professionals, most of them very highly educated, all married, normal-decent-tax paying-law abiding-citizens, respected people in the society,..

There are only a few women.

 

Now, when an attractive woman passes by they all just stop what they were doing before and just stare.

They even have their own method of notifying each other that an attractive female is approaching!

It so high school!

 

I’m almost used to it, but when I start to thing about it, it is so immature.

I can’t respect them for that.

 

And, on the subject of respect, when I see them look at me like that, I know they make the same comments they make about other women – which all but showing respect for her. It’s hard for me to believe that they can really respect what I do professionally if they can look at me like that.

 

I recently got a big and very well deserved promotion – I worked very hard and I am very proud of what I have achieved. If I was a man, they would think the same.

 

Because I am a reasonably attractive female, half of them think I slept my way up; the other half is too busy trying to get into my pants.

 

It's so unfair.

 

This is interesting. I also work in a primarily male environment, and always have. Although I did see this type of behavior 30-35 years ago, I don't see it anymore, and haven't for probably the last 20 years. If this is still going on where you work I am shocked, as the laws regarding sexual harassment are very rigorous and expensive to the company if pursued.

 

If you don't like the attention, you can stop it in it's tracks.

[luvstarved]

Of course, anyone should feel flattered and good about themselves when they sense that someone finds them attractive and conveys that in a respectful way.

 

And anyone should feel insulted to be treated like a piece of meat. Jesus, morelaugh, I would be appalled to work in a place where my male coworkers thought of me as sleeping my way to the top or drooled over me incessantly.

 

I am an attractive female professional in a male dominated field as well, and I certainly do not get ANY impression that ANYONE thinks I got by on looks or sexual favors. OMG, if you do, then you must in some way fail to exude any air of competence whatsoever in the workplace. Everyone KNOWS I did not get there by that path because I am clearly very skilled and experienced in what I do and am respected for that.

 

It is really simple. Everyone looks but should be discreet and respectful both of the person they are sneaking a peek at and of the person they are with, especially if it is their SO.

 

I do not observe men stopping in their tracks at my place of employment every time a nice looking woman goes by. What field are you in that it is so thoroughly populated with such crass guys?

 

There is an exception...in my building works an NFL cheerleader who wears clothes EVERY SINGLE DAY that appear to be practically painted on. Honestly, I think there are "hotter" women in the building but nobody quite so...provocative. I DO notice that when she walks by, all conversation seems to cease momentarily. But I don't really fault the guys for that one, just roll my eyes a little. It is obviously the reaction she is looking for, though, so would not be too sympathetic to any indignation she might express over it. Anyway they are not openly ogling, it is just that their brains seems to shut down momentarily and there is that pause of utter stupidity as she "bounces" past. It's actually kind of funny.

[Curmudgeon]

Men are such carnal creatures

 

Come on. You can tell us.

[ElvenPriestess]

Come on. You can tell us.

 

Tell you what exactly?

[popey]

Do you have any idea how arrogant this sounds?

• You view yourself above men.
  
• You view yourself above women.
  
• What are you?

People aren't out to get you, you know.

 

I'm shocked by this response. What Morelaugh described is SO still prevalent. And I don't at all think that she is being arrogant. And MANY people have it in for someone who rises above them in a particular kind of success, regardless of the fact that you don't at all assume that this makes you a better or generally more successful human being.

 

I seriously don't understand how Morelaugh's remarks lead to the suggestion that she needs therapy. And btw, how is her saying that she KNOWS some men want to sleep with her, or think she gained success through relations any different than Luststarved saying she KNOWS everyone knows she didn't?

 

As for the suggestion that sexual harrasment is too costly, here's a quote for you- out to dinner with clients and some politicians. One's talking about a female employee he wants to sleep with. They are all so into it. One asks if he's ever afraid of getting sued. "hell no. I spend the extra money on the best insurance so I can feel free to be myself. its worth it." High fives, laughter and agreement all around the table. this is one of a million anectdotes I could give.

[Curmudgeon]

Tell you what exactly?

 

You missed the subject line!

 

You posted, "Men are such carnal creatures."

 

I responded, in toto, "Aren't you glad? Come on. You can tell us."

 

Ummm! That's what you can tell us, or not!

[Trialbyfire]

I'm shocked by this response. What Morelaugh described is SO still prevalent. And I don't at all think that she is being arrogant. And MANY people have it in for someone who rises above them in a particular kind of success, regardless of the fact that you don't at all assume that this makes you a better or generally more successful human being.

 

I seriously don't understand how Morelaugh's remarks lead to the suggestion that she needs therapy. And btw, how is her saying that she KNOWS some men want to sleep with her, or think she gained success through relations any different than Luststarved saying she KNOWS everyone knows she didn't?

 

As for the suggestion that sexual harrasment is too costly, here's a quote for you- out to dinner with clients and some politicians. One's talking about a female employee he wants to sleep with. They are all so into it. One asks if he's ever afraid of getting sued. "hell no. I spend the extra money on the best insurance so I can feel free to be myself. its worth it." High fives, laughter and agreement all around the table. this is one of a million anectdotes I could give.

Go back and read all of morelaugh's threads. You'll get a better feel for why I'm suggesting she needs therapy. There are some serious underlying issues involved in the composite of the OPs psychy.

 

Overall though, therapy isn't that big a deal. I personally think that much of the human population could stand to have tune-up therapy sessions, once in awhile.

 

I do believe that the OP needs more than a tune-up.