aya Posted June 7, 2003 Posted June 7, 2003 Hi: I am wondering if anbody in this forum can sympathize with me and give me some advice. I am dating with a guy for 5 months now. Things are going great and I really love him so much. He is great guy with nice heart and we treat each other very well. The thing is, both of us can be insecure sometimes, and giving each other pressure. When I feel insecure, I tend to cram up and just come to this forum, etc (as I did before). When he does feel insecure, he wants to talk to me, and I sometimes feel pressured to reveal every dirty detail of my feelings -- I know those negative feelings eventually goes away so I want to be left alone sometimes. He takes it as being rude, but I already explained to him so, so many times and I hope he'll understand. For example, if I don't respond to his E-mail right away, he gets insecure. He calls me everyday. He is so sensitive to my mood and asks me what is going on. He says things like "I think you are going to dump me", "I think you are thinking that you are better off with other guys", which are totally untrue and I have no idea where he is getting that from. Honestly, I am moody person and I am going through PTSD and I really prefer going through it alone. So I really would like to avoid him when I am in a terrible mood. I already explained that to him. He sometimes takes it as me being secretive. He says he wants to go through everything with me. But ... somethings I deal with better alone. I love him so I much rather not cause him worry or trouble than sharing everything with him. Is this common trouble? I would like to get your advice. Thanks...
Tony T Posted June 7, 2003 Posted June 7, 2003 No, this is not common. Your guy is extremely insecure and way too nice. If he doesn't start getting a life of his own, becomming less sensitive and giving you some space he will totally destroy the relationship. This kind of behavior is not sexy or attractive in any way. He needs to understand you are an adult woman and when you need his help or support you can ask for it. He isn't entitled to every personal detail of your day to day life. His behavior is pathetic. Women want a MAN, not a wimp. There's a big difference between being reasonably sensitive and being wimpish...he needs to learn the difference or he's in for a very sad love life. He may need counselling to get to the root of his insecurities. Meanwhile, print a copy of this post and let him read it. He needs help in a most urgent way.
NEONINK Posted June 11, 2003 Posted June 11, 2003 I think I might disagree. This coming from somebody insecure and currently being shut out of a relationship. Ok, it's at the 5 month period for you, it's getting to that point where you kind of decide whether to continue the relationship or not. So, he's a little justified in wondering what the heck is going on. Especially if you are secretive!!! People are just pessimists sometimes, or been burned a few times so that watch out for flames. I think if I were him, I would be wondering what's up? Am I wasting my time here? Right now, it probably seems as if you have all the control on the relationship, and he has none. That's a hard rock to lay down with at night. If it is about him, tell him. Then he can use that information to decide his future as well. If it is NOT about him, tell him that as well. He, and I, could use some relief from the constant wondering. It shouldn't be this hard! Would you please make it easier?
baby phat Posted June 11, 2003 Posted June 11, 2003 well..i dont think its common for guys to be THAT insecure..but i can relate since my bf is kind of like that..he suspects everything i do alone..and thinks that i am cheating on him whenever i am not with him or when i don't call him and keep him updated with my life. but yeah..i think the best way is to tell him straight out that if he doesnt trust you then that must mean he doesnt love you enough and that a relationship without trust is just not gonna work..then tell him that if he wants to continue to see you..the only way is for him to trust u and believe that u love him just as much too. and remind him that u get jealoused too sometimes so he feels as if u care.
Gray Posted June 11, 2003 Posted June 11, 2003 I don't think its a matter of trust with her baby. Maybe i read her post wrong, but I think he's just being oversensitive whereas your boyfriend is being a little bit paranoid.
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