bigfootfrenzy Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Hi guys, I am new here. Before i tell my story i would to ask a question first so i can get uninfluenced oppinions. My girl broke up with me due to me being too needy and clingy etc. It was a LDR. The question is this. If the person you broke up with (dumpee) met with you and completely blamed himself for everything and said that everything was his fault and hot yours what would your reaction be? For example would you be annoyed at him? would you be relieved or would you see that it is good that he took the responsibility? Will post my whole story in a bit. Any input would be greatly appreciated.
JustinWolf Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 oh boy, if you are asking this, it's probably because you've done it or you are actually wondering if you should do it. Let me tell you something man, be strong. Especially because she broke up cuz you were too clingy, show her you are man and you are independant and that you can live without her if it's necessary. Me? If the dumpee came back and said that. I would react like this: I'd look at them and say "Well I didn't break up because it was my fault, was it?" and then let the person think about it. If you go and be whiny and all and saying it was your fault, you're not helping yourself you're just telling them "you were right! good job!". Be strong, be positive, good things happen when you are positive
Author bigfootfrenzy Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 Yeah i thought that would be the case. By the way i have already done it. I have blown my chances and i feel so crap now. I know i have really stuffed up. Thing is she looked so awful and i felt bad that i had been clingy and i just wanted to make her feel better as i thought it was already over. Its a shame that at the start of the talk she said she wanted to be friends and see where that led. I am just now realising the magnitude of what i have done. I gave her a guilt free ticket to paradise, a confirmation that she made the right decision, fuel to move on and think that it was for the best.
JustinWolf Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 I was afraid, in the beginning of the post I only wrote "it's perhaps because you're thinking of doing it" and then my heart sank, and i thought perhaps you've already done it so I changed the beginning. Here's the thing man, smile. There's things I kept away from you. Sometimes just showing them you still love them and then not contacting them anymore shows a lot. Shows strenght. Makes them know that you love them and then you suddenly disapear and they start asking questions like "Did he really mean what he said?" "is he doing okay?" "what is he doing?" etc... and the only way to get those questions are to get back in touch. Now here's the deal, most of the time when they ask the questions and you give them the answer, they leave again because they got what they wanted BUT if they don't get the answer, they panick which is good for you and me lol. Now, even if that happens, you gotta keep the whole "I don't care" going on and if she loves you she will be back! If she doesn't then she doesn't deserve someone like you. You need to step up from the game, my man! You gotta be strong, you gotta find someone for you, someone that loves you just the way you are. Be confident, be happy, be positive, forget about her, always smile, move on and perhaps if she gets scared she'll come back running. If she does, are you gonna take her back? think about that. Keep me updated just in case, I can always help
popey Posted December 20, 2007 Posted December 20, 2007 wait, was it all your fault? was she right? should she be guilt free? you don't want someone to come back to you out of guilt, nor simply b/c she thinks you no longer care and just wants the validation of knowing she can still have you, do you? I would think that its only worth having, if she came back b/c you both think you want. in which case, if was your fault, and in fact that's why she ended it. your expressed realization and subsequent ability to show that you in fact have learned how to make it right, might work.
Author bigfootfrenzy Posted December 20, 2007 Author Posted December 20, 2007 wait, was it all your fault? was she right? should she be guilt free? you don't want someone to come back to you out of guilt, nor simply b/c she thinks you no longer care and just wants the validation of knowing she can still have you, do you? I would think that its only worth having, if she came back b/c you both think you want. in which case, if was your fault, and in fact that's why she ended it. your expressed realization and subsequent ability to show that you in fact have learned how to make it right, might work. It was both of our faults. We both leaned on each other a fair bit. When i blamed myself and told her it was all my fault i was goin through the blame stage of the break up. I was very insecure (LDR) and she did alot of things to help feed these insecurities. No i don't believe she should be guilt free. She wanted me to make some changes and when i went about making them she would then initiate things that led us back to where we began.I put her on a pedastol and thought that i destroyed the best thing that has ever happened to me. I dont think she is comming back. After this convo she said " well i think i did the best thing for both of us". She did say she wanted to stay friends as she cant imagine never seeing me again. she also said that she can see us together in the future. When i spoke to her 4 days later on the phone there was a complete turn around. She was very condescending, bitter and smug. It was quite an intense relationship and she said that i drained her and changed who she was (in the face to face talk). I just took it because at the time i thought i was a horrible person and i had done those things. She suffers from an illness and there were times when she was too stressed out to even have a shower. There were times where she tried to break up with me and i said are you sure this is what you want and then she would change her mind and say "No sorry i just meant to have a talk but got confused, i just have so many stresses in my life". These sorts of things being a major reason for my insecurities. Alot of the time i was confused with what she wanted. I felt so worthless and confused when she broke up with me that i thought that my insecurities are the main reason for her breaking up with me and that i caused them. But i now realise that her ups and downs caused my insecurities. Not sure if that all makes sense lol.
Recommended Posts