xfess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Is it always this hard for a normal guy to find a girl who isnt into playing games? The past few months has just been just too aggrivating for me with women. In august I went on my first date in a while with a girl and I admit I was very nervous because ive been out of the dating scene in a while, I had a feeling it wasnt going to work out, but I would have liked to just know from her that she wasnt interested instead of me being an idiot and calling her to make plans. I learned from that date and in september I went on my 2nd date. This girl was really into me, we hung out 5 out of the 8 days we dated together, we made out and everything seemed perfect, then into the 2nd week she pulls a 180* and gives me the "I just got out of a 3yr relationship and Im not ready for a boyfriend" story. Well I told her we can take it slow, but she wanted some freedom as a single woman...now this is what doesnt make sense. I met her on the online dating personals - so if you arent ready for a relationship then why go on to the site at all? Well it keeps getting better. afterwards we became "friends" and still talked on occasion - but now she wanted to hook me up with her best friend -- THEN...I find out now that shes in a relationship. That was the end of that Girl 3: A month later I date another girl. She tells me that shes a "straight-up girl" who will tell you if she is/isnt interested. After that date that was the last time i heard from her - never got a phone call or an IM. Girl 4: 2 weeks later I went on another date. I didnt have much expectations with this girl. We had a good time but I was at least honest enough to tell her that I didnt really feel anything and we went our separate ways. Girl 5: This was 2 weeks ago. We went out and had a great time together - she even told me that this was one of the best dates shes had. We talked online following that, but thats when the games started. She started blocking my SN (But i saw her on my other SN), did not take my calls, and went invisible online and would IM me on occasion but I would not even know she's online. I know she was busy the whole month with college papers and finals, but at least have the decency to call or IM me and be honest about what your doing. I have not heard from her since last friday. On to Girl 6: She emailed me throught the online personals last week and I was hesitant to reply back because I thought things were going good with girl 5, but i started talking to her. I was being real forward with her to meet up on saturday at a bar, but she wanted to make plans to bring me as a date to her xmas party which would be tomorrow, but she wanted to meet me prior to that. So I told her lets meet up for coffee on sunday. Begin the game. Sunday she was feeling tired so she wanted to make it Monday -> Monday comes and she has to go pick up her father at the airport but she says tuesday (tonight) was a possibility. So it is tonite and once again its another excuse. she got home from work at 8, ate, and took a shower - I figured that was a good sign. I tried calling her at 745 but she didnt answer, she took her shower at 820 and was back online at 9 i tried to call her again and again no answer so i leave a voicemail. I IM her again and she repies with this attitude "i told you tonite was a possibility i didnt tell u it was a definite hun... plus i just got outta thr shower". Now I just really dont get it, I can understand if you have had a hard day at work or school. Believe me I know, I work in NYC, outdoors, in the elements, late at night, doing physical work and my body is banged up by the end of the day. the past few days when I was at work when it was snowing and freezing cold outside, I felt happy inside knowing that later that day Ill be able to talk to this girl and really look forward to going out on the weekend - is it really that hard to be honest and tell the truth or have some consideration to tell me that you cant go out, or in most of these cases not interested - instead of me having to look like some idiot by calling or IM'ing to make plans when there is no chance??
Krytie TV Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I just went through this kind of crap too, so I can relate. I see a few difficulties here: First, what I have learned about online dating, is that it is littered with serial daters. These are not relationship people but rather people addicted to the thrill of the meet. In my opinion, it would take at least 2x as many women online than in real life to find someone at least moderately compatible. Just know you play with fire online... it's bred from anonymity after all. Second, put the IM, text messages, and to a degree the emails away. They do nothing to help the dating process and, in fact, only create jealousy and suspicion. Some things are better left unknown, online status being a huge one. Try the phone. People just have a hard time being upfront. That's reality. The sooner you learn to expect/accept it, the less bitter you'll be. We'd like to think these people we meet owe us that common courtesy, but they don't. You need to get thicker skin. Just like in real life, there is rejection in the online world. It's just you get more attached online because you communicate before meeting. That doesn't happen in real life. People are whacked... and we all are to a degree. You need to ride it out. This is a wave and we all get em. It's just as possible that you will come across three amazing women at once and struggle with finding a creative way to at least get to know them all a little bit. Hang in there.
WhySkyCastles Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Wow, I can so relate! I just came here thinking I'd vent on how I am feeling pretty tired of getting hurt by "games." It really sucks to be the one to go to all the effort, only to find out they really couldn't give a crap, or they just like the attention. If only some people would be honest, or actually take the effort and tell you that they aren't interested... Look at it this way, if they actually took the time to get to know you, they'd find out what an awesome person you are... its just too bad they don't, and its their loss. Someone else much luckier will get to be with you when they actually take that time and put in that effort, they're the ones who really deserve it---especially cuz you'd do no less for them. I think I will focus on things I really enjoy for a while until I can build up that thick skin again.. thats been slowly eaten away. It also helps to keep busy on your own projects, so things like this don't eat away at your brain and keep you wondering "what if". Krytie TV is absolutely right - and I've stopped bothering with online dating. If she gives you her AIM instead of returns your calls... that is a red flag already. Don't talk online, it only allows them to be more harsh and get away with not being honest-- in fact, they can be downright cold and hurtful and some girls even enjoy the attention. The bottom line is we'd all appreciate a little bit more honesty, and we just can't take anything personally, because 99% of the time, it really is nothing personal.
Keara Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 From a girls point of view... You seemed to come on pretty hard with a couple of those girls. On to Girl 6: ................ she got home from work at 8, ate, and took a shower - I figured that was a good sign. I tried calling her at 745 but she didnt answer, she took her shower at 820 and was back online at 9 i tried to call her again and again no answer so i leave a voicemail. I IM her again and she repies with this attitude "i told you tonite was a possibility i didnt tell u it was a definite hun... plus i just got outta thr shower". You tried contacting her how many times that night? Once at 7:45 with no answer, then you knew the exact time she took a shower (so you must have contacted her again). You called Again and left voicemal. THEN you IM her. So 4 times in the span of a hour and a half. That's creepy. That's stalkerish material and enough to send any girl running. Girl 5: ........... She started blocking my SN (But i saw her on my other SN), did not take my calls, and went invisible online and would IM me on occasion but I would not even know she's online. I know she was busy the whole month with college papers and finals, but at least have the decency to call or IM me and be honest about what your doing. I have not heard from her since last friday. I think you came on too strong with this girl too. She blocked her SN, but then you continued to call her. Even called multiple times to get her to talk to you. You should have left ONE voicemail. Just one. She knew how to contact you if she had wanted to. Girl 3:...... She tells me that shes a "straight-up girl" who will tell you if she is/isnt interested. After that date that was the last time i heard from her - never got a phone call or an IM. I wonder if the reason she responded with this is because you were stressing the point that other women were playing you. Did you discuss your past dates with her? How did you portray the other women? And how long did that topic last before it was changed? There shouldn't have been a reason for this girl bring this up on a first date. First dates should be casual, no pressure, no expectations. If you hear from them again, great. If not, move on. Stop with the frequent calling. Men will react the same exact way as the women you're dating when faced with a person they dated once (or not even had a date with yet) calling frequently. I think that's your problem here. The women might be crazy head cases in addition to this, but you're going to need to relax about hooking up. You're chasing too hard. You're sending the message that your obsessive and controlling. You're going to need to re-evaluate how you handle yourself while getting to know someone before you'll have better luck in dating.
dbtmarley Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 From a girls point of view... You seemed to come on pretty hard with a couple of those girls. You tried contacting her how many times that night? Once at 7:45 with no answer, then you knew the exact time she took a shower (so you must have contacted her again). You called Again and left voicemal. THEN you IM her. So 4 times in the span of a hour and a half. That's creepy. That's stalkerish material and enough to send any girl running. I think you came on too strong with this girl too. She blocked her SN, but then you continued to call her. Even called multiple times to get her to talk to you. You should have left ONE voicemail. Just one. She knew how to contact you if she had wanted to. I wonder if the reason she responded with this is because you were stressing the point that other women were playing you. Did you discuss your past dates with her? How did you portray the other women? And how long did that topic last before it was changed? There shouldn't have been a reason for this girl bring this up on a first date. First dates should be casual, no pressure, no expectations. If you hear from them again, great. If not, move on. Stop with the frequent calling. Men will react the same exact way as the women you're dating when faced with a person they dated once (or not even had a date with yet) calling frequently. I think that's your problem here. The women might be crazy head cases in addition to this, but you're going to need to relax about hooking up. You're chasing too hard. You're sending the message that your obsessive and controlling. You're going to need to re-evaluate how you handle yourself while getting to know someone before you'll have better luck in dating. I was thinking the same thing as you. OP, You have to give them space. Let them come after you at least a little. It's ok to call, but doing so too much so early is a little bit of a turn off. Like Keary said you should leave any conversation on your previous dating woes out of the equation. Don't give up, just tweak your style a bit.
Author xfess Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 You tried contacting her how many times that night? Once at 7:45 with no answer, then you knew the exact time she took a shower (so you must have contacted her again). You called Again and left voicemal. THEN you IM her. So 4 times in the span of a hour and a half. That's creepy. That's stalkerish material and enough to send any girl running. I believe you are reading it or I am writing it wrong..... On monday she IM'd me at 730ish (she works till 6 then drives home) so I called her at 745 on tuesday assuming she was home from work already and had dinner, she didnt respond back till 8 IM'ing me saying she just got home. we talked online for a few minutes and told me she was going into the shower. and left an away message with a time stamp at 820. I called her on the phone at 9 to see if she was feeling ok to meet up like she told me the day before. - I wanted to know so because either i was going to get ready or go to the gym - and since she didnt tell me I thought that was rude of her. I think you came on too strong with this girl too. She blocked her SN, but then you continued to call her. Even called multiple times to get her to talk to you. You should have left ONE voicemail. Just one. She knew how to contact you if she had wanted to. Yes she did block me, but still continued to IM me at least 2-3 times after that to talk for at least 30 minutes I wonder if the reason she responded with this is because you were stressing the point that other women were playing you. Did you discuss your past dates with her? How did you portray the other women? And how long did that topic last before it was changed? There shouldn't have been a reason for this girl bring this up on a first date. I wrote on my online date profile that i dont want to deal with a girl who wants to play games and that im looking for a serious relationship not a 1 night stand - girl 5 said "I can relate to that". I did not ask her about her dating past she mentioned 1 guy she met online and that it didnt go well, she also asked Me about who I dated from online - the only one I told her about was the one I went out with for the 2 weeks and she began asking why it didnt go well, all I said was that "I had no idea" - and I still dont... The problem with girl 5 was that I think she was analyzing me through out the whole thing. She got a BA in psychology and is in her masters program for Family, relationship therapy so I would have thought she'd put that away and just act like a normal 23 year old girl and not a shrink. All I did was just try to make her laugh and have a great night when we dated and to me it looked like she did.... First dates should be casual, no pressure, no expectations. If you hear from them again, great. If not, move on. Stop with the frequent calling. Men will react the same exact way as the women you're dating when faced with a person they dated once (or not even had a date with yet) calling frequently. Again, I did not "frequently call them" I called them once (a day or 2 after the date) to say "Hi", to see if they had a great time and make plans for a future date. If I cant say that then whats the point of 2nd, 3rd, 10th or 100th date at all. I assumed that most girls want the guy to take the initiatve and call them back for another date, otherwise both of us would sit there in front of the phone wondering why the other isnt calling them? -- as for girl 6. she decides to txt me at midnight today when I started my shift at work to say hi and to reply back to my question of going out sometime over the weekend - she did say yes.... but Im no longer being optimistic anymore with these girls. Its funny how some of them say that they can relate to my situation and are looking for a normal guy who wont hurt them - Ive said to them im down to earth, a real nice guy and ive been 100% truthful about what I have said to them, but im sure a million guys have said that to them before.
peace_pipe Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Is it always this hard for a normal guy to find a girl who isnt into playing games? Definately. Yes. Absolutely. Correct.
LiveKhaos Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Quote: Originally Posted by xfess Is it always this hard for a normal guy to find a girl who isnt into playing games? Definately. Yes. Absolutely. Correct. A little bit too damn hard if you ask me...
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