D-Lish Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 You made an error in judgement- that's all. I would never tell your bf, that will cause undue stress on your relationship. Having a sexy moment doesn't make you a horrible person. After three years with the same person- sometimes things hit a point where you feel things need spicing up. Perhaps if you are feeling like that you can spice things up with him. Don't kick yourself for this. You didn't cheat.
Racquel Colette Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 He was probably being a gentleman so that you wouldn't fall, because your boyfriend wasn't even waiting for you to offer his hand, as he should have. You were drunk, so this should tell you not to get drunk anymore. It's not cute and cool like you believe it to be.
Blue Eyed Brain Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Dear OP: It's fine. Don't worry or stress about it. If he has an issue with it, tell him that you are sorry and that it meant nothing. If he doesn't mention it, forget it. But make sure you keep the distance between you and the guy friend. You don't want to keep sending signals. Men read into that way too much.....
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 No. Not as long as resolve to not to it again and to distance yourself from this guy. When I'm in a happy relationship, I sure as hell am not going to hold a girls hand no matter how nice it feels. You don't need to tell -- you've toed the line, not crossed it -- as long as you are resolute in walking the other way. i am in a happy relationships, but sometimes i wonder what things would be like with other guys.. those thoughts are normal, right? could it be that because me and the bf don't have sex very often, that it causes people to think about OTHER guys more often?
norajane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 my boyfriend was ahead because he and his other pals wanted to catch last call. i didn't care. i don't remember why i ended up so far behind. So you weren't lingering behind, hoping to be alone with this guy? Do you think he was lingering so he could be alone with you? What if he were doing that - would that feel nice to you, too? My point is, what you did may not have been intentional and in the grand scheme of things wasn't as bad as kissing him or something else; however, that you liked holding hands with him may be a sign that you're not as into your bf as you think, or that you aren't as committed to your bf in a genuine, honest way as you think, even if you are into him.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 I'll be a little gentler. In the context, it was inappropriate -- you say it felt "nice", which is an odd thing to admit to if it was completely innocent. Plus you admit that you thought you had a thing for this guy, but decided to stay with your BF instead. THAT's the context. Having said that, I don't think you should mention it to your BF -- in the grand scheme of things, it was innappropriate but pretty minor. But, if you truly value your relationship with your BF, keep your distance from this guy from now on. Don't start exchanging emails, texts or phone calls with him. It's amazing how these things can escalate, even when they start innocently. It sounds like there's a tiny bit of temptation there already, so don't get led into that. there has been temptation in the past, but nothing ever happened. he's a cute guy and for some reason i get really happy talking to him so it's hard to back off. i only see him once a month. i guess i can't see him EVER.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 So you weren't lingering behind, hoping to be alone with this guy? Do you think he was lingering so he could be alone with you? What if he were doing that - would that feel nice to you, too? My point is, what you did may not have been intentional and in the grand scheme of things wasn't as bad as kissing him or something else; however, that you liked holding hands with him may be a sign that you're not as into your bf as you think, or that you aren't as committed to your bf in a genuine, honest way as you think, even if you are into him. i know i love my boyfriend. we are like two peas in a pod. he's an AMAZING guy. everyone who has met him falls in love with him. he's been really good for me. i like cuddling him at night so i must still love him?
norajane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i am in a happy relationships, but I wonder what things would be like with other guys.. those thoughts are normal, right? could it be that because me and the bf don't have sex very often, that it causes people to think about OTHER guys more often? Well, these are definitely signs that things aren't all rosy and wonderful with your bf. That's why holding someone else's hand felt nice. You need to deal with the sex issue, and whatever other issues you might have with your bf, because they will only get worse as time goes on if you don't deal with them. Consider this a wake-up call to re-connect with your bf.
norajane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i know i love my boyfriend. we are like two peas in a pod. he's an AMAZING guy. everyone who has met him falls in love with him. he's been really good for me. i like cuddling him at night so i must still love him? You are contradicting yourself. First you say you KNOW you love your bf. Then you ask if wanting to cuddle means you must still love him. It sounds like you aren't so sure.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Well, these are definitely signs that things aren't all rosy and wonderful with your bf. That's why holding someone else's hand felt nice. You need to deal with the sex issue, and whatever other issues you might have with your bf, because they will only get worse as time goes on if you don't deal with them. Consider this a wake-up call to re-connect with your bf. i think i AM connected though. i don't know how to connect harder. i come over to his house and spend the night three times a week. we go to movies alone, get drinks alone, make meals together, cuddle eachother to sleep. he is teaching me how to play tennis. i don't know what to do to connect in a way that makes me not hold other guys hands.
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 you and your bf need to have more intimacy. You say you two don't have alot of sex? Any reason why? I mean, it's normal to wonder about other people, but if it has to do with some needs not being met by your bf, talk to him about how you are feeling. Maybe things aren't perfect in the relationship and together you two can make it better.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 You are contradicting yourself. First you say you KNOW you love your bf. Then you ask if wanting to cuddle means you must still love him. It sounds like you aren't so sure. well, perhaps i really am not so sure. maybe i have just a little bit of doubt inside there, but my brain tells me i'm stupid for that beacuse he's great and loves me so much.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 you and your bf need to have more intimacy. You say you two don't have alot of sex? Any reason why? I mean, it's normal to wonder about other people, but if it has to do with some needs not being met by your bf, talk to him about how you are feeling. Maybe things aren't perfect in the relationship and together you two can make it better. we've had talks in the past and tried to figure out how to improve our relationship and sex life. the relationship is definitely better. we've reached a level of friendship and closeness never reached before. we know eachother inside and out and are a great pair. but the sex thing isn't there yet.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 I Also Forgot To Mention That I Rubbed The Guys Back For 5 Seconds Because He Wanted Me To Feel Where He Hurt His Back.
Prodigal Princess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Oh my god, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill! Who hasn't drunkenly been affectionate or flirtatious with a friend? Bagel, you have received some good advice on this thread, but I think it's making you overanalyse things. The fact that you enjoyed the feeling of your friend holding your hand doesn't say anything about your current relationship with your boyfriend. However you don't want your boyfriend picking up on your stressed vibes. So put this silliness behind you!
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Oh my god, talk about making a mountain out of a molehill! Who hasn't drunkenly been affectionate or flirtatious with a friend? Bagel, you have received some good advice on this thread, but I think it's making you overanalyse things. The fact that you enjoyed the feeling of your friend holding your hand doesn't say anything about your current relationship with your boyfriend. However you don't want your boyfriend picking up on your stressed vibes. So put this silliness behind you! THANK YOU!!!!!!!
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 but the sex thing isn't there yet. Is it him? Is he not a very sexual person? I just see this being a bigger issues later in life if you two get married. I mean, it could be that you two are on different end of the scales when it comes to the sex drive.
norajane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i think i AM connected though. i don't know how to connect harder. i come over to his house and spend the night three times a week. we go to movies alone, get drinks alone, make meals together, cuddle eachother to sleep. he is teaching me how to play tennis. i don't know what to do to connect in a way that makes me not hold other guys hands. Do you talk? Do you share your thoughts and ideas, joys and hurts, dreams for the future, where you want to take trips around the world? Do you feel like you are emotionally connected, or only like you just do things together? Do you feel "happy" when you're around your bf, like you do when you are around his friend? And why don't you have much sex? Does he turn you on? Do you turn him on?
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Is it him? Is he not a very sexual person? I just see this being a bigger issues later in life if you two get married. I mean, it could be that you two are on different end of the scales when it comes to the sex drive. neither of us initiate things. i don't feel like having sex unless he turns me on, but he doesn't turn me on. i would be fine going to bed without it every night. same with him. he'll tell me to DO SOMETHING to him but it seems like it's a joke, so i say, "yeah right" and laugh. i don't know. we both just go to bed and that's it.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Do you talk? Do you share your thoughts and ideas, joys and hurts, dreams for the future, where you want to take trips around the world? Do you feel like you are emotionally connected, or only like you just do things together? Do you feel "happy" when you're around your bf, like you do when you are around his friend? And why don't you have much sex? Does he turn you on? Do you turn him on? we talk about everything under the sun and then some. he knows all my ideas, joys, hurts, dreams. i know his. we know what each one of us wants in the future. we talk about trips we want to take. we are so emotionally connected. i wouldn't want anyhting more as far as that goes. but i don't know why we don't have sex. he doesn't turn me on unless he touches me right. i don't turn him on unless i'm already turned on. this results in it never happening.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 There's nothing wrong with you holding the guys hand...as long as you're not in a relationship with someone else. As soon as your boyfriend finds out, and he will, you're over. So, now that you're already in deep, why not see how deep it can get? Life is about adventures, right? worst idea ever!!!
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 The hand holding thing is not something to make a mountain out of in and of itself. You've identified it as wrong. It is, but it's not HORRIBLE nor does it make your horrible. These other issues that are coming out...those are important. I'm willing to bet if those things weren't issues you would have never held this dudes hand.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 The hand holding thing is not something to make a mountain out of in and of itself. You've identified it as wrong. It is, but it's not HORRIBLE nor does it make your horrible. These other issues that are coming out...those are important. I'm willing to bet if those things weren't issues you would have never held this dudes hand. i would have probably been up at the front with my boyfriend, holding his hand and running in the snow with him. at the end of the night, i saw a married couple (together longer than i hvae been with my boyfriend) kissing eachother and looking lovey dovey. it made me wonder why we aren't like that anymore.
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i would be fine going to bed without it every night. same with him. To have a sexless relationship so early on, sorry, but later in life this WILL be a big issue. You see it now as you see other couples that have that passion and intimacy. Talk to your bf about this, and work together to bring that passion back. MAKE the effort, go that extra step, do nice things for eachother, have romance, and affection, hopefully with effort from BOTH of you, that passion can be re-lit in the bedroom again.
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