bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 last night my boyfriend, me, and a bunch of our friends got drunk at a bar while it was snowing heavily. we all walked to one last bar for last call with about 4 inches of unplowed snow under our feet. my boyfriend's friend and i were the last ones to head out, so we were far behind everyone else. he grabbed my hand and held it the whole walk to the bar. no one else saw us or knows what happened. would you be pissed if your girlfriend did this with a guy?
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 i could have let go of his hand, but i didn't because it felt nice.
Legend Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Not only would I be super pissed at you, you'd be single by the end of the night. That's totally f-d up
D-Lish Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I'd be pissed. But you should probably ask yourself if you want to be with your bf. If holding another man's hand makes you feel good- something is lacking in your relationship.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Not only would I be super pissed at you, you'd be single by the end of the night. That's totally f-d up why would you be so mad? me and the guy were both really drunk and it was snowing REALLY hard out.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 I'd be pissed. But you should probably ask yourself if you want to be with your bf. If holding another man's hand makes you feel good- something is lacking in your relationship. well, a year ago i KIND OF had a crush on this guy, but i let it go because i love my boyfriend and want to be with him. i think having small crushes here and there is normal with any relationship. doesn't always mean something is lacking in the current relationship, does it?
Krytie TV Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Let me guess, in three weeks you'll be asking you're boyfriend why he's so pissed. It was only sex, it's not like it meant anything. Good luck with that.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 the hand holding wasn't sexual at all. it was just friendly. i think being drunk puts me in a little kid state where i just want rainbows sunshine puppies happiness. and with the snow and slipping, it felt natural.
Legend Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Because it's unacceptable no matter how drunk you are. But if he didn't see.... i guess he got away with it. 'oops i was drunk and slept with another guy', same concept.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 but this wasn't sleeping with. it was hand holding.
whichwayisup Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i could have let go of his hand, but i didn't because it felt nice. This is why it was wrong. Drunk obviously didn't make a difference as you had thoughts of "this is nice holding his hand." If your bf did that with another girl, you would be PISSED off and jealous, as well as hurt. Don't try to justify this because you were drunk. You had clear thinking thoughts, so you weren't that drunk. why would you be so mad? me and the guy were both really drunk and it was snowing REALLY hard out. No excuse. See above. the hand holding wasn't sexual at all. it was just friendly. i think being drunk puts me in a little kid state where i just want rainbows sunshine puppies happiness. and with the snow and slipping, it felt natural. So, maybe you need to slow down or stop drinking if you can't stop yourself from doing something that you normally wouldn't do if you were sober. Next time it might not stop at handholding... Your boyfriend has every right to be pissed off at you, even more so because you don't seem regretful or even sorry this happened.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 well, i didn't have regret because it seemed so innocent.... like hugging a stranger, petting a dog, etc. i am really open when i'm drunk. i thought this was okay because it was just like petting a dog that's not my dog. i would never sleep with this guy and i DON'T want to date him. i've been lying in bed at night unable to sleep because i've been trying to figure out if it was bad or not.
Citizen Erased Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Are you all freaking kidding me? I have seen people on here say numerously "it was only a kiss, give them another chance". Holding hands is odd and weird when you're in another relationship, but seriously back off, she didn't push him into an alley strip him and have her way with him for chrissake As to the OP. If you want this to go further then it apparently already has then you need to break it off with your boyfriend. If you truly love him and want to be with only him, then stay away from the friend. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out.
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i could have let go of his hand, but i didn't because it felt nice. Doesn't matter. It's one thing to grab his hand and hold it as you lead him through a crowd, it's another to hold it in an intimate way. why would you be so mad? me and the guy were both really drunk and it was snowing REALLY hard out. It is really necessary to capitalize REALLY? well, a year ago i KIND OF had a crush on this guy, but i let it go because i love my boyfriend and want to be with him. i think having small crushes here and there is normal with any relationship. doesn't always mean something is lacking in the current relationship, does it? Thinking someone is cute and interesting is normal in a relationship. Holding the hand of a person you feel that way for is not. the hand holding wasn't sexual at all. it was just friendly. i think being drunk puts me in a little kid state where i just want rainbows sunshine puppies happiness. and with the snow and slipping, it felt natural. You forgot unicorns and gumdrop smiles. It was inappropriate. Would you be ok if he held the hand of a girl that he had a crush on? I doubt it. Maybe you wouldn't be pissed but you'd probably be a little upset.
Legend Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 but this wasn't sleeping with. it was hand holding. Sure sure... it all starts as hand holding...
norajane Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Why were you two the last to leave? Why was your bf so far ahead of you? Why wasn't he holding your hand in the snow?
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 The problem isn't that it happened. The action itself is mildly inappropriate given the context. The problem is that you don't seem to understand: yes, it is inappropriate. You are trying to justify it happening when in reality, you should be concluding "that really isn't appropriate in a relationship no matter what the circumstances are. I'm not going to do it again." It was wrong, that doesn't mean you are some horrible person. If you can't conclude that it wasn't appropriate, however, you need to revisit what a healthy, committed relationship is. And if you were really open, you'd have no problems holding this guys hand in front of your boyfriend, right? If it weren't wrong, you could do that, right? It's not that big of a deal that it happened; the deal is you want to defend it being ok when while not a deal breaker, it is inappropriate and should not happen again.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Why were you two the last to leave? Why was your bf so far ahead of you? Why wasn't he holding your hand in the snow? my boyfriend was ahead because he and his other pals wanted to catch last call. i didn't care. i don't remember why i ended up so far behind. i'm an idiot i do know that. you guys are making me feel really bad. i didn't realize what i did was so horrible until now. i guess i was just blocking that fact from my head. i really really care about my boyfriend and want a future with him. we've been together three years and i want to marry him in the future and have a life with him,
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 i didn't realize what i did was so horrible until now. i guess i was just blocking that fact from my head. i really really care about my boyfriend and want a future with him. we've been together three years and i want to marry him in the future and have a life with him, Again, it is NOT horrible. It is just inappropriate. What is wrong is that you can't conclude for yourself "it's not appropriate to behave that way in a relationship." The fact that you try to justify it is the issue we have.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 The problem isn't that it happened. The action itself is mildly inappropriate given the context. The problem is that you don't seem to understand: yes, it is inappropriate. You are trying to justify it happening when in reality, you should be concluding "that really isn't appropriate in a relationship no matter what the circumstances are. I'm not going to do it again." It was wrong, that doesn't mean you are some horrible person. If you can't conclude that it wasn't appropriate, however, you need to revisit what a healthy, committed relationship is. And if you were really open, you'd have no problems holding this guys hand in front of your boyfriend, right? If it weren't wrong, you could do that, right? It's not that big of a deal that it happened; the deal is you want to defend it being ok when while not a deal breaker, it is inappropriate and should not happen again. i won't let it happen again. i don't know why i did it in the first place. i guess common sense goes out the window when i'm drunk. i am going to try not to hang out with that guy ever again. do you think i should talk to my boyfriend or the friend about what happened?
Legend Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 my boyfriend was ahead because he and his other pals wanted to catch last call. i didn't care. i don't remember why i ended up so far behind. i'm an idiot i do know that. you guys are making me feel really bad. i didn't realize what i did was so horrible until now. i guess i was just blocking that fact from my head. i really really care about my boyfriend and want a future with him. we've been together three years and i want to marry him in the future and have a life with him, then don't admit it to him, and never let it happen again.
Author bagelwithbutter Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Again, it is NOT horrible. It is just inappropriate. What is wrong is that you can't conclude for yourself "it's not appropriate to behave that way in a relationship." The fact that you try to justify it is the issue we have. what does it mean if i try to justify it??? i genuinely don't know. i'm really confused with things. i love my boyfriend and want to have kids and a house with him in a few years. but then i did that....AND i didn't think anything of it. it worries me. maybe my boyfriend deserves someone better than me.
oppath Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 do you think i should talk to my boyfriend or the friend about what happened? No. Not as long as resolve to not to it again and to distance yourself from this guy. When I'm in a happy relationship, I sure as hell am not going to hold a girls hand no matter how nice it feels. You don't need to tell -- you've toed the line, not crossed it -- as long as you are resolute in walking the other way.
reservoirdog1 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I'll be a little gentler. In the context, it was inappropriate -- you say it felt "nice", which is an odd thing to admit to if it was completely innocent. Plus you admit that you thought you had a thing for this guy, but decided to stay with your BF instead. THAT's the context. Having said that, I don't think you should mention it to your BF -- in the grand scheme of things, it was innappropriate but pretty minor. But, if you truly value your relationship with your BF, keep your distance from this guy from now on. Don't start exchanging emails, texts or phone calls with him. It's amazing how these things can escalate, even when they start innocently. It sounds like there's a tiny bit of temptation there already, so don't get led into that.
Legend Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Just try to be more self aware when you're drunk. Pick up pills at your local store called 'chaser' they kinda kill the buzz, not completely but they fight the alcohol, and as a plus you wont have a hang over.
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