depression and relationships? H-E-L-P!!!

[luckyinlove]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half now.

 

During high school (We're both 21 now) I was prescribed Lexapro for anxiety and depression. I was on it until the age of 18 and stopped taking it. Recently, I started feeling like I used to when I was initially prescribed the medication. My relationship with my boyfriend was becoming unsteady because of my irritability due to the anxiety/depression and whatnot.

 

After irrationally flipping out at him one day I explained to him that I had been on the Lexapro (it had never come up before for whatever reason, and I suppose I was a bit worried he'd think less of me). I told him that I thought I might need to start it up again. At first he was unsure about it, but we agreed that I'd start taking it.

 

It's been 2 days, and he's been acting very strange towards me. He says its weird to see me being social and happy again, and that he feels disappointed that he couldn't be the one to make me happy.

 

When I tell him that he DOES make me happy, he refuses to believe me because I'm taking the medication. I think he's concerned as to how long I'll be on it, and worried that I'll become depressed again if I stop it. I've tried to explain things to him, and tell him that it has nothing to do with him, but he doesn't believe it. He says he feels as though our relationship will be fake now but I know differently. I just need balance.

 

I don't know what I'd do without him, and I don't know how to fix things!

[Legend]

I think what needs to be looked at is what was causing the anxiety / depression. As a guy, if I was dating someone and they started taking anti depressants I'd feel like a complete failure.... That it took a pill to make you happy, and that I couldn't. I guess it's just how we think.

 

I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist so... It's really up to you to find out what was causing your anxiety and depression to begin with.

[D-Lish]

He simply doesn't understand that depression and anxiety are not "behaviors" that can be modified with a little TLC and companionship.

 

I have explained it to an ex before- that depression and anxiety are like any other illness.... if you break your leg- you need a cast- and the treatment helps and eventually makes you better.

 

I think it is a matter of educating him on what depression and anxiety is.

I am sure it is just a matter of him understanding your condition is not a choice.... and it's very common.

 

Have him do some reading on the subject.

You guys have been together for a long time- he should be open to not only helping you through this, but doing what he can to educate himself on your illness.

[luckyinlove]

I can understand that, but I figure it's something I've dealt with in the past anyway. A lot of it had to do with what I was going to do after high school at first. Now I'm finishing up another semester at a community college, and haven't been doing very well in my classes. I think a lot of it has to do with me wanting to get out of my hometown and have things figured out.

 

Regardless of what it is, I just don't know how to assure him that he DOES make me happy. I just don't want things to be "weird" like he says they are. I'm very close to just stopping the medication and trying very hard to just be happy on my own.

[luckyinlove]

Thanks D-Lish.

 

That's what I've been thinking. But, I just don't know how to get it through to him. He's apparently been reading things, and says that if I were happy with him my body should be reflecting it.

 

I think I'll use your cast example though!

 

I just want us to get through this.

[D-Lish]

Hey! Whatever you do- don't go off the meds!

It's really important not to do that.

 

Men tend to have that complex that they can fix everything.

You just have to help him understand that it's not something a third party can control. you don't choose to have butterflies and sadness- it's a chemical imbalance. Being on the meds will only enhance your relationship because they arm you with the tools necessary to engage him as a healthy human being.

 

Whatever you do, don't feel shame for taking meds.

Don't go off them....please.

[Legend]

 

Men tend to have that complex that they can fix everything.

 

 

it's true...we do.

[D-Lish]

it's true...we do.

 

well, I have this broken coffe table with a wobbly leg....

can you help me?

[Legend]

That's an easy fix!

[whichwayisup]

He has to understand that your anxiety and depression has nothing to do with him.

 

Tell him to google depressionfallout. He needs to read up on anxiety and depression, maybe understand it abit more so he won't take things so personally or put expectations on you.