roxtar83 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 [sIZE=1]So I have been a reader of this site for a while now, but have come to need a little assistance of my own. I have been dating a man for a few months now (we've both been through divorces) and things have been going very well. However whenever we have a disagreement about something, I like to speak it out, getting it off my chest and resolved as quick as possible. He thinks that this is a waste of energy and says that he's not doin this (i guess arguing in general) and that for once he's turning his priorities around. His son is always number 1, I would never even try to change that. But then he says thing like its his way or no way and basically doesn't see anything wrong with that. I don't mind that I won't come in number one on some things, but is it wrong to be hurt by the lack of consideration? He's a good man, treats me VERY well, and we just mesh well together. This to me just seems selfish.. [/sIZE]
Legend Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I'm confused. Where are you coming in the top 5? All I've heard is that his son is the first priority in his life. What are the other priorities that he's putting before you? I find arguing a waste of energy and very tiresome in general, and try to drop it whenever it happens, until both people are calm enough to have a civil debate. I'm sure he considers what you say, just doesn't admit it... Not saying it's right...
Author roxtar83 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 There's a hefty list- Son again is always number 1 and I am NEVER going to even think a bad thing about that, but then theres bowling leagues and softball leagues, goin to hockey games or football games, hanging out with guys ALWAYS takes priority, I dont mind guys nights but I just want a little bit of weekend time for he and I to have alone time but he's just unwilling to reschedule anything MINOR (keyword please) for me, yet he says that "if i want to see him I better to start shuffling my plans".
sunshinegirl Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 This doesn't sound promising - he's essentially giving you ultimatums and you're only a few months into the relationship? Cut your losses now. That's my best advice - it will only get worse from here.
Author roxtar83 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I wouldn't say its an ULTIMATIUM as much as its just a "look if you want me, make the time" and its just selfish. I don't really see the ultimatium side of it lol
Legend Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Do you ever go to the games to watch him? Does he invite you, or tell you not to come? I saw that you said you've been dating for a few months, do you both consider each other bf/gf & have an exclusive relationship? I'm assuming when you ask for a night alone just the two of you, that's when he says 'no way' ? It just sounds like he's trying to make himself unavailable, and make it very difficult for you. Was it always like this? Or did it change recently?
Star Gazer Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 How do you square this: However whenever we have a disagreement about something, I like to speak it out, getting it off my chest and resolved as quick as possible. He thinks that this is a waste of energy and says that he's not doin this (i.e., doesn't have the ability to resolve conflicts) (i guess arguing in general) and that for once he's turning his priorities around. But then he says thing like its his way or no way and basically doesn't see anything wrong with that. lack of consideration With this: He's a good man, treats me VERY well, and we just mesh well together. ??
EYECANDY000 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 [sIZE=1]. But then he says thing like its his way or no way and basically doesn't see anything wrong with that. SIZE] Definately selfish on his part.. Any guy who says its his way or no way is ttrying to control you. Hes basically say that you have no say so in any situation. And to even think about wasting his energy on discussing the factor is not even an question. you ned to tell him he needs to get his priorities straight
Author roxtar83 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I've been invited to two of the sporting events but i'm kinda the back up plan I think LOL We are exclusive and we go out to social functions etc, all that good stuff so I know i'm not a secret, its just I guess from how he explains it is that he's been there done that and he always gets burned when he's in relationships that cater to the woman. Of course I told him thats stupid, I'm not looking for someone to cater to me, I just want someone that knows what compromise is and is willing to share the art of it. The beginning was weird. He made his intentions known and I let him know that I wasn't sure if I was ready. after a while, he wore down my resistance and I let him in, he wasn't a DIFFERENT person then, but there's been some changes that have thrown me, like not making as much time, its like we've already fallen into the "We've been together forever" rut..
Author roxtar83 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 How do you square this: With this: ?? It works because its rare we have a disagreement, argument whatever. and when we aren't having a rare argument we're just so in sync with each other
Legend Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I'm gonna have to agree with Eyecandy then, you 2 definitely need to have a talk, and see where you're both at. Something changed, gotta find out what it is. Is there another girl he likes, etc. Otherwise this will be self destructive in the long run for you... best of luck...
Recommended Posts