woodthorpe Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I was doing great - 7 months NC. Then I texted him. After a rocky start we had a good 10 weeks together, I thought it was going well. We agreed we'd keep it light, no commitment - but I didn't expect to get a blow by blow account (by text) as he tried to pick up a woman in a bar on Sunday. He even told me which positions she liked for sex. Now he doesn't return my texts - it's like I'm invisible. I know - NC is the only way, but why do I let him break my heart over and over again? Why can't I drop him from my life and move on? Why do I still care about him?
GlamourBabe Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Hi Woodthorpe I probably shouldnt be giving advice as I have just posted a hell of a message here myself but I will give you my pennys worth. your ex doesnt sound a very nice person to you at all. If he really had your best interests at heart and he loved you unconditionally he wouldnt even mention another woman to you. Let alone talk in detail about sex positions! That shocked me to the core! You let him break your heart over and over again, because as soon as he shows you a bit of interest. you think "awww, its just like how it used to be". And you really want it to be, and he knows it. But in truth it isnt. I know that because I have been there and still going through it. Why do you still care about him? I have no idea. Any man that could talk to you in detail about another woman, has no true feelings for you. He is causing you pain and he cant see it! That is awful and the fact that he hasnt contacted you shows me that he doesnt care a less but even if he was contacting you now I would say move on with your life. How would he like it if it was on the other foot and you were texting him details about sexual positions you like from guys! Im sure he would hate it! You will miss him, and I miss my ex. My ex hasnt met anyone else and has told me he has no intentions too right now. But he could be just saying that for my benefit. If he is doing just that, then I am glad he is thinking about my feelings. Once he does start to see other people I am just going to take it as a CLEAR CLEAR indication that he has moved on. I dont see how you can still want to be with someone or care for them if your dating over people. Hope this helps a bit GlamourBabe x
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I was doing great - 7 months NC. Then I texted him. After a rocky start we had a good 10 weeks together, I thought it was going well. We agreed we'd keep it light, no commitment - but I didn't expect to get a blow by blow account (by text) as he tried to pick up a woman in a bar on Sunday. He even told me which positions she liked for sex. Now he doesn't return my texts - it's like I'm invisible. I know - NC is the only way, but why do I let him break my heart over and over again? Why can't I drop him from my life and move on? Why do I still care about him? It is of course natural to care for someone you were involved with. And when you aren't with them it's easier to think of the things you miss and like about them and ignore the bad things. It's a habit we all suffer from after an end to a relationship. And I think you became possibly complacent, and used to the relationship, whether it was good or bad. But now that you realize this vicious cycle, now that you see that it will only end in heartbreak, you HAVE to stop. And this last stunt he pulled, which btw is HORRIBLE! I would slap him if I could!, is proof enough right? Whatever it takes, surrounding yourself with friends and family, going to the gym, the movies, weekends with your pals, etc. These things have to be your first priority, including any other things that you enjoy and make you happy. He can't be a priority anymore. Do everything in your power not to think about him. Delete his number if you have to, and if you can't then the next time you pick up the phone to text or call, dial a friend's number instead, or hop onto the LS forum. You are better than this, and you deserve more. Chin up, be strong. Resist the communication temptations. (last two lines could almost be a song LOL.)
Author woodthorpe Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Thanks GB and EP. I know it must be NC - well I would prefer to give him a smack round the head and then NC, but I guess that's not possible. Ha Ha Riding the roller coaster at the moment - my bright future with a currently mythical prince keeps turning into a memory of a scum bag who stole my heart. Chin up - Chest out - stick your nose in the air and SMILE !!!!
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 There you go, now you're getting it!
Ronni_W Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 ...a blow by blow account (by text) as he tried to pick up a woman in a bar on Sunday. He even told me which positions she liked for sex. ACK! I guess he got dazed & confused, and tried to treat you like a "buddy" (tho I really don't understand that, either...must be a guy-thing) How perfectly horrible for you. I'd happily go over and give him a kick in the crotch on your behalf -- does it break NC if I tell him who I'm working for?
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 ACK! I guess he got dazed & confused, and tried to treat you like a "buddy" (tho I really don't understand that, either...must be a guy-thing) How perfectly horrible for you. I'd happily go over and give him a kick in the crotch on your behalf -- does it break NC if I tell him who I'm working for? I'll hold him, you kick ;-)
Meaplus3 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I was doing great - 7 months NC. Then I texted him. After a rocky start we had a good 10 weeks together, I thought it was going well. We agreed we'd keep it light, no commitment - but I didn't expect to get a blow by blow account (by text) as he tried to pick up a woman in a bar on Sunday. He even told me which positions she liked for sex. Now he doesn't return my texts - it's like I'm invisible. I know - NC is the only way, but why do I let him break my heart over and over again? Why can't I drop him from my life and move on? Why do I still care about him? Well, Because he was once very important to you. Now your not in contact with him so your feeling a loss. Thing's take time! give yourself some credit for doing well with NC. AP:)
Author woodthorpe Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Thanks for the support everyone. Right now the thought of his brand new, limited edition, jet black racing car meeting a pot of bright yellow paint is looking VERY VERY attractive. How did I fall in love with such a S**T ?
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Thanks for the support everyone. Right now the thought of his brand new, limited edition, jet black racing car meeting a pot of bright yellow paint is looking VERY VERY attractive. How did I fall in love with such a S**T ? You know how it goes, try and see the best in everyone, even when there worst is in front of us. Benefit of the doubt, all that jazz.
Ronni_W Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 ...his brand new, limited edition, jet black racing car meeting a pot of bright yellow paint is looking VERY VERY attractive. Hey, no need -- EP and I are on our way, and I'm bringing titanium-toed workboots. He won't be able to drive that thing for YEARS! Besides, I don't have time to visit you in "painters' prison" too often **EP, great to have you on board. And when I get tired, we'll change places .**
Author woodthorpe Posted December 19, 2007 Author Posted December 19, 2007 Dear All thought I'd just update you..... I called him last night. I know some of you will think this was the wrong thing to do, but I would rather have a tidy end to a relationship and there were some things I needed to get off my chest. Anyway - he claims (1) we agreed no committment, (2) he was only talking to the woman and texted me as his "buddy" and (3) the last few texts were sent when he got home (alone) and were sent as a joke ! Well we talked a bit - all very grown up - and decided that there were areas of our relationships where we are never going to agree (like our sense of humour !!!!!) and it was best to call it a day. There was no animosity, no name calling - he said "ring me if you need anything, I'm still your friend", and that was that. (We were friends for over a year before we started going out). I feel calmer today, sad because I finally saw it was never going to work with him, and a bit relieved that he is not the total B#####d I had him down as. (I was beginning to doubt my ability to judge a character). He's just a man who becomes a juvenile with a few drinks inside him. It'll still tear me apart when I hear he has a new woman, but hopefully by then I'll be a long way down this road. Thanks for all your support yesterday - you can't imagine what it meant to me. Sometimes loneliness is the hardest thing to deal with. Hope you all have a good day today, xx
Ronni_W Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I feel calmer today, sad because I finally saw it was never going to work with him, and a bit relieved that he is not the total B#####d I had him down as. I'm glad to hear about the "calm and relieved" part. Congrats on following your heart and placing that call. Yes, the sadness is there...hopefully a bit easier to cope with now that you've come to this new understanding of what he isn't...and is. As for that new woman -- maybe it'll help to think that she'll obviously have to have a *seriously* warped sense of "humour", and be okay with his obviously immature aspects? Sending hugs and smiles.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 You'll be a stronger person with new experiences to learn from. Have a lovely holiday darling. *cyber hugs*
Meaplus3 Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 Dear All thought I'd just update you..... I called him last night. I know some of you will think this was the wrong thing to do, but I would rather have a tidy end to a relationship and there were some things I needed to get off my chest. Anyway - he claims (1) we agreed no committment, (2) he was only talking to the woman and texted me as his "buddy" and (3) the last few texts were sent when he got home (alone) and were sent as a joke ! Well we talked a bit - all very grown up - and decided that there were areas of our relationships where we are never going to agree (like our sense of humour !!!!!) and it was best to call it a day. There was no animosity, no name calling - he said "ring me if you need anything, I'm still your friend", and that was that. (We were friends for over a year before we started going out). I feel calmer today, sad because I finally saw it was never going to work with him, and a bit relieved that he is not the total B#####d I had him down as. (I was beginning to doubt my ability to judge a character). He's just a man who becomes a juvenile with a few drinks inside him. It'll still tear me apart when I hear he has a new woman, but hopefully by then I'll be a long way down this road. Thanks for all your support yesterday - you can't imagine what it meant to me. Sometimes loneliness is the hardest thing to deal with. Hope you all have a good day today, xx Good for you! Hugs!
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