When does reality set in (and sleep become easier?)

[Rocky69]

I was going to have a destination wedding, in paradise. Just after our 8th anniversary we flew to mecixo with 20 of our friends and family and prepared to get married. It was all very exciting and romantic. Until I walked into our hotel room on the morning of our wedding (one last kiss before we walked down the aisle) and found him naked in bed with another woman. Not even a women who he knew (or one who spoke English for that matter).

 

That was a month ago on the 21st. It wasn't like our relationship was perfect, but we had been together so long, since i was a kid, that it just seamed right to get married. I had the job that would allow me to have kids sooner (he was older then me so I needed to have my career in shape so that I could have kids earlier). He was finally getting his life on track too. We both grew up alot in the last eight years, we just grew differently.... The kicker is that because of the timing of the wedding, we had to sign marriage papers in Canada (which I insisted that we do before we leave). So now I will be divorced at 24.

 

I know, he's ass, I'm better off without him. I have a new exciting life coming. I have a great family to support me. We didn't have any kids and I am young enough to start my life again. I have convinced myself that this really was the best thing that could have happened. We wouldn't have lasted anyway,so at least it is over now instead of ten years from now.

 

My question is. When does life start to feel normal again? When does sleep actually come back? I love to sleep and yet every time when I lye down I can't make my mind quit. Did anyone try to taking sleeping pills? Sometimes I can pretend that nothing is different, that maybe if I could get to sleep I will wake up next to him in our bed, not on my sister's couch. When does reality really set in?

[ElvenPriestess]

I used to take sleeping pills when I couldn't sleep because my mind wouldn't settle itself. It works pretty good, but the side effects suck. You're groggy, they stay in your system 16 hours, and can induce strange dreams. I am so sorry btw. That is aweful, I can't even imagine it. But it's only been a short time, and with something this traumatic you have to give it time to take its course. Only time can truly heal your wounds. It's good that you have supportive family, that's a big help in times like these. You can also seek therapy if you need to just talk out your feelings and gain a different perspective. I'm not saying you need to, but it's an option none the less after something so life changing. This will no doubt be one of the biggest life changes and will effect alot of different areas in your life. I know it's easiest to dwell on it and you probably can't help but think about what's happened constantly. But you will be able to one day realize it happened, accept it, and begin the healing process. Have you tried joining a gym and perhaps making workouts a routine to help you ware yourself out to sleep? This will also occupy the mind, and is obviously healthy. It's good not to bottle your feelings up, just try and not occupy yourself with it too much. You have to rebuild yourself, and focus on the things that will make you whole again, make you smile. It's his loss, and he will have to live with that forever. You on the other hand are very much lucky you didn't have kids with him, and that you learned his true colors now. You WILL be fine, you CAN do things do help the self healing. I wish the best for you, and hey. Don't forget to smile. Sometimes it helps a little. Are you a Seinfeld person at all? This is kind of a side note, but things like that cheer me up when things are rough. I'm 23 and I posted a thread about the near end of my marriage, so I know how you're feeling. In the end you will prevail, and you will be a stronger person because of it.

[Rocky69]

Thank-you ElvenPrincess. Just voicing the pain and uncertainty seems to help. I am a very private person and have found it very difficult to discuss my feeling about this with people. I have been so busy putting up a good front and telling people that I am okay and that this is all for the best that sometimes I forget that it is okay to hurt. I have been working out (a little too hard, I am very sore today), and I am hoping to see a counselor but am heading to warmer destinations for a while. I decided that it would be much easier to heal on a beach with an ocean close by then in the snow.

 

I am very excited for my new journey. A little scared too, but I know that life does go on and that I will likely be better off. It is just so scary to be so alone for the first time in my life.

 

I truly hope that everything worked out for you; whether you decided to continue on in your marriage or make a new beginning.

[ElvenPriestess]

Thank you muches, and do enjoy your time on the beach. I think it will be good for you mentally and emotionally to kind of get out of the element you're in right now. Have some "you" time, something you haven't had in a very long time. :-)