misspiggee Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 hey there I am feeling really sad/confused and would love some advice. Over three years ago my exboyfriend dumped me for someone else. That left me devastated. I was with him for six years on and off, but I was always the one who broke it off except for the last time. My cousin was trying to help me get over him and took me out alot and introduced me to her friend. He too just got dumped by his girlfriend. We started dating only after a month from my breakup. I felt it was rushed but now we are going on our third year together. We have gone through hell and back. But I have always questioned if I truly love him. I always compare him to my ex. I missed the little things my ex used to do for me and how affectionate he was compared to my boyfriend now. My boyfriend and I always get into fights and I have tried to break up with him so many times, but I really can't let go for good. I feel like I want so much more than what he offers me. It also seems he isn't really in love with me either. We don't have that passion that I used to have with my ex. It might seem like I want my ex still but I don't. I just want some of the qualities that he had with my boyfriend now. What should I do?
xpaperxcutx Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I think what you're doing now with your current boyfriend is trying to recreate the spark you had with your ex. You're not completely over him, and you're unwilling to let go of what you thought of as the "perfect" relationship. Maybe you should reevaluate your situation right now, and go on from there. Because if you or and your current bf aren't " in love" with each other, what's the point in dragging each other down a loveless relationship?
Author misspiggee Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 thank you for the advice, you are right.I just feel everytime I try to leave him, he begs me not to and promises to change. I fall for it everytime. He thinks we are fine, but obviously we are not.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Even if things are "ok" between you two, the real point here I think is that the feelings you're looking for aren't there on either side. And after this long, how much longer are you willing to carry this out knowing it's not what YOU want? Be careful comparing the relationships though, it's often not healthy. But it IS healthy to know what you want and to go for it. I really don't think you're getting what you're after here.
D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 But you also stated that you were always the one to break thing off with your ex- but he was the one who ended it finally. Is this perhaps a pattern of pushing people away? Just wondering- I have a bit of that about me. Testing someone to see how much they will put up with and therefore measuring how much they care about you. WHat would happen if the guy you are seeing currently dumped you- how would you feel? Just wondering.
JCD Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Maybe you can tell him the things you want him to do to you like your ex did. If he doesn't then bail out.
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