is all this my fault ?

[Teuen101]

hello, I'm not a very good speller and its 2am to boot so please forgive me

 

I met some one on a online game 3 months ago only one problem she was married and lived in canada. I live in the US

 

So we start talking and hit it off and start flirting, she lets me know how unhappy she is but she cannot move out becasue she has no car and cannot drive she is 21 and has bills to pay and has no money..so she needs him..

 

We start getting closer and closer then she drops him and moves into her moms and dads home...we talk everyday on web cams ..so 2 weeks after living with her mom and dad she is talking about us meeting..so i start saving to buy her a plane ticket.

 

well one she ends up going to the hocky game with some friends and ends up cheating on me..but is honest enough to tell me...it was hard on me but i fogave her becasue i loved her at first i didnt want to talk to her again but she wouldnt stop calling and played on my heart..so i forgave her.

 

she runs out and jumps on a buss and comes and see's me its 17 hour buss ride so i go and pick her up and its love at first sight she stays with me for 2 months and then has to go home to get some issues in order with her ex..so she invites me to drive up and see her on thanksgiving and meet her mom and dad and so on.

 

things go well and we we're going to drive back together but she has a issue with the border patrol and they wouldnt let her into the US so i got her a 500 doller plane ticket she flys down for one more month..

 

then things seems to go bad on her 2nd stay..first off one day i walk in the pc room she is talking to some guy who is a friend so to say..she is talking about meeting him for X-mass I didnt say a word i just walked out, she then runs into the room im in and says i was planning to tell you about this, im like go meet whoever you want she lets me know she loves me and everthing is ok so I forgive and let it go..also I'm the typ of person who dont like allot of yelling and she likes to yell some times so one night she is being a dink it seems like she wanted to start a fight. we have some words and i say something that i wish i could take back

 

I say maybe you got everthing you had coming from you EX

 

she jumps out of bed and gos into the other room and locks the door then i say i wish i had never met you!

 

i feels so bad the next day i came home from work and just cried and begged but she couldnt forgive me so i go into the next room and just lay on the bed crying like a retard and she runs in and starts kissing all over me..

 

But still makes plans the next day to go home early so i know everything isnt ok..but she lets me know it is...but she is still making plans to get home early...she tells me later that she wanted everything to look ok so id take her to the airport and just not strand her far away from home..

 

so the day we head out for the airport she jumps in the bed with me all happy and i look at her and say i will never see you again will i ? and she didnt say much then im like well lets go then and start packing her stuff and she is like my plane is 4 hours from now what will i do? sit at the airport for 4 hours ? and this very day she wanted to go home my uncle was being taken off lifesuport and passed away she didnt want to go with me to see him...im like are you kidding me ? but i trusted and took her to the airport..then like a stupid ass cried as she got on her plane she was smiles..

 

she calls me when she gets home and lets me know she got home ok and she loves me then a few hours later dumps me I say some harsh words like what if i told you ex-husband about all the e-mail and show him our pics..you know the kinda things you say..

 

i offer friendship but laughing she says she needs to find out who she is and see othere people...that just crushs me...i say more bad things and she just with draws...

 

I really love her and i feel like everything is my fualt now she will not talk to me at all

[ElvenPriestess]

I'm assuming your question has to do with "is it really my fault" and "what to do now?" Well let me say that I REALLY think she's selfish. I mean look at it this way. You forgave her for the things she did to you. Cheating, yelling etc. And she couldn't forgive your harsh words when you were hurt? btw is she still married or divorced? Look, it seems to me she likes having this attention from different men, she isn't honest from the start, only tells you after she does things. She seems to send you mixed signals, AND she didn't have the decency to break up with you in person. She was too selfish and chicken s**t to say it in person. So then you have to realize this. She's stayed with this guy for money. She made references to not wanting you to strand her at the airport alone, and other things that hint to one thing. I believe she's looking to substitute one income for another. I know that sounds harsh, but I really think it's true. None of this was your fault, except one thing. If you knew she was married, you should NOT have gotten involved with her. Bad idea. Because then what happened? She did to you what she did to him. The rest was not your fault, no, but this whole mess could have been avoided. Now I'm not judging you, or saying you're a bad person. I'm just saying you should set your sights higher. How about a woman who is dependent, single, has her stuff together and doesn't hit up multiple guys at once? I'm sorry she hurt you, and I hope I didn't come across to harsh.

[Teuen101]

nope it wasnt harsh at all and thank you she is still married and working on a divorce she has left her ex 3 times he was a control freak so she told me..I just thought we had something ...and now i feel like its all my fualt and my heart is broken but things are making more and more sence as i work out what happend in my mind.

 

thanks for your help

[Teuen101]

I sat and pounded my head how I could some how fix things, sadly, I cannot fix them alone..so I called her and asked for forgivenes, I really don't think she will forgive me, But I know I'm forgave, I wanted to be the man of her dreams and I some how feel all I've done is put more hurt into her life and she has done the same to me.

 

The way I see it when a brake up happens its becasue needs are not met on both sides or people just want to use people too meet a need that wasnt met in the last relationship(sp)..I believe in working out problems and talking things out, all I did by begging and crying and asking her back was let her hurt me more! and said some nasty things in return

 

So I called and no one picked up..I said I'm sorry please forgive me ..I'm not saying this becasue I want you back ..I'm doing this becasue I feel like i need it for my self and believe it or not you might laugh or be laughing at me but you need it for your self too right or wrong I played a part in what happend well we both did..Me owning up is part of me moving on and not holding onto pain and bitterness on my part. lets be honest i dont need her back i have lots of things going for me.

 

To be honest I'm not waiting around for her to call me and say you're forgave becasue I know that will never happend.. at this point its her holding on to pain and bitter feelings in the end this will only hurt her not me.

 

This is the very reason her and I never worked out it's becasue she never forgave her Ex huband for the things he did to her in the end she saw him in every little thing i did why ? she never forgave and moved on..she hadnt let her self heal and all i ended up doing was casueing more hurt more pain to a person i loved even be it so small it didnt matter to her she saw her ex in a huge way.

 

In the end I love her and want her to be happy and move on with her life. everyone has a right to behappy everyone has a right to forgive them selfs and forgive otheres.

 

if more people thought this way there would be less bitterness in the world and more healing of broken hearts. but sad to say it dont happen that often.

 

sorry for the bad spelling and

 

i'll always love and want the best for you tiffany

[ElvenPriestess]

i may not agree with everything you've done, but you really are a sweetheart. And wishing the best for someone who's hurt you is so selfless. Good for you. :-)

[Teuen101]

she got back in touch with me wanting to keep a friendship and keep things civil. I donno why tho ? keep tabs on me ? so when things dont work out with the guy she is talking to now she can fall back on me ? and when we have talked all she can say is she cannot forgive me..

 

I guess i need to just move on and take this one like a man, it was stupid of me to jump into this whole deal with her anyway just cost me money and heart ach..