fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Has anyone ever in a dating situation got that really dreaded sinking feeling about the outcome of the person you are dating? I have this feeling right now. I last saw the person on Sunday morning and he hasn't called yet. I know it's only been one day but for some reason just based on the subtle interactions of the last few minutes we had together, I have this sinking feeling like I might never hear from him again. As if he's 'done' with me. The last few times I had this feeling, I was right. Ugh. This really sucks. Does anyone know what I'm talking about?
audrey88 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I totally know what you're talking about. That feeling totally sucks, but I must admit that I've been wrong about it before. What did he do that makes you think he's done?
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 It seemed like he lost the excitement he had for me. He seemed bored or indifferent. Just my gut feeling. It's all really subtle. I hope I'm wrong like you said you have been at times. It seems like for now it's just wait and see, which can be a real pain.
Star Gazer Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 What did he do/say that makes you think he's "done"? I've totally been there before, but that feeling isn't always accurate. It's happened before and, although things eventually ended, it had nothing to do with that sinking feeling I once had. I even experience it with my BF now. I'll worry, have that feeling, and then he'll call and be all happy cheery and such. In fact, I had that feeling this afternoon, and we just got off the phone after making plans for tomorrow. It's crap like this which makes me very distrustful of my gut, ya know? Why do we have that feeling? I can only assume it's the result of good ole' fashioned insecurity...
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 He knew I'd be out of town for 1.5 weeks starting this upcoming Friday but he did offer to give me a ride to the airport and I agreed to it. But this offer was made saturday morning, while when I last left him it was sunday morning. The last few minutes before we parted I made a joke about not screaming at him and he said 'that's good, we can end on a good note then' in a somewhat gloomy voice (he might have had a smirk but I cant tell).....and the first thought that came to my mind was that he was implying this is the last time we'd see each other . My hopeful side is telling me he meant this is the end of our weekend together (we spent both saturday and friday nights with each other) before I go out of town and that he is sad about it...becuase on Saturday he had said that he's really sad that i'd be gone for new year's out of town and that he's going to miss me. He looked genuinely sad as well. But I don't know, I guess I expected more of a 'i'll call you later about dropping you off at the airport' or at least a 'i'll talk to you soon.' But our last few words were just bye to each other. I don't know if he's sad because he wont see me for awhile (but he is still going to drop me off the airport!) or whether he is implying a true good bye. This is really sad coming from a guy I thought was in love with me. I don't know if I ever encountered a guy I thought was this in love with me as him. We knew each other about 2 months but only dated so far for 3 weeks. Don't know if this is relevant but we slept over at each other's places on friday and saturday for the first time (no sex) and well on sunday morning we went third base!
Star Gazer Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I don't get what you mean with your joke about not yelling at him? And why would you *think* that he's in love with you? What behaviors has he exhibited to tell you this?
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I don't get what you mean with your joke about not yelling at him? And why would you *think* that he's in love with you? What behaviors has he exhibited to tell you this? I parked illegally n he assured me its ok that I wont get towed....sunday morning he saw that my car was still there n i joking said ok so that means i dont have to scream at you if my car did get towed (lame joke on my end). Then he made end on good note comment. I wouldn't exactly say for sure he's in love with me but he seems more into me than with other guys because he calls usually every other day or so and he got me flowers and tells me he's lucky that he can date me, etc. For the first 3 dates he held back with his feelings for me then starting on the fourth date he expressed them to me more. Thing is, I feel like he's done with me because we spent ALOT of time on friday and saturday together. It was literally too much time together so early on in dating. Plus we got really physical for the entire two nights (no sex though).
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I wouldn't exactly say for sure he's in love with me but he seems more into me than with other guys because he calls usually every other day or so and he got me flowers and tells me he's lucky that he can date me, etc. For the first 3 dates he held back with his feelings for me then starting on the fourth date he expressed them to me more. Thing is, I feel like he's done with me because we spent ALOT of time on friday and saturday together. It was literally too much time together so early on in dating. It is too soon for him to have feelings. At best he likes you. Take your time with him. It's good if he goes a day or two without him initiating contact. It is EARLY. Your gut feeling at this stage is insecurity. If you've been dating a while, and someone acts noticably different...then something is up. He still seems consistent in his actions, and even if he was not, it's too soon to make a conclusion on such a limited sample size.
Star Gazer Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 It is too soon for him to have feelings. At best he likes you. Take your time with him. It's good if he goes a day or two without him initiating contact. It is EARLY. Your gut feeling at this stage is insecurity. If you've been dating a while, and someone acts noticably different...then something is up. He still seems consistent in his actions, and even if he was not, it's too soon to make a conclusion on such a limited sample size. I agree with this. Calling you every other day and buying you flowers doesn't necessarily mean he's in LOVE with you - that's a very strong emotion. He likes you, yes. But let's not get ahead of ourselves here.
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 It is too soon for him to have feelings. At best he likes you. Take your time with him. It's good if he goes a day or two without him initiating contact. It is EARLY. Your gut feeling at this stage is insecurity. If you've been dating a while, and someone acts noticably different...then something is up. He still seems consistent in his actions, and even if he was not, it's too soon to make a conclusion on such a limited sample size. Yea I know what you mean and Im trying to rationalize it but that whole 'we're ending this on a good note' comment is very unsettling. Would you as a guy say this to a girl? P.S. The whole he's in love with me thing is just an exaggeration to increase my own misery! haha So we'll leave it at he likes me instead.
Star Gazer Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I think he meant you were ending your day/weekend together on a good note, not that he never intended on seeing you again. It's been ONE day. You said he calls you at least every other day. Give it at least a few more days before you start wiggin'.
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I think he meant you were ending your day/weekend together on a good note, not that he never intended on seeing you again. It's been ONE day. You said he calls you at least every other day. Give it at least a few more days before you start wiggin'. Yea I know you and oppath are right. I'm telling myself that basically if he doesn't call by Wednedsay night then that is it. I'm going to move on.
shadowplay Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 my keyboard is screwed< so please excuse the bizarre punctuation> but yes< i totally know where you"re coming from> i"ve had that "sinking feeling" many times before> the good news is that i"m wrong most of the time> i remember once i didn"t hear from a guy for several days> actually it was the guy i"m currently dating> that was when we were first going out> i was SURE that it was over> that i would never even get an explanation for why> but much to my surprise it turned out to be nothing> he was just a bit flakey or whatever> honestly i never got a straight explanation on what the reason was< but i don"t really care at this point because that was back when we first started going out and things have been much better since>
Trialbyfire Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 my keyboard is screwed< so please excuse the bizarre punctuation> but yes< i totally know where you"re coming from> i"ve had that "sinking feeling" many times before> the good news is that i"m wrong most of the time> i remember once i didn"t hear from a guy for several days> actually it was the guy i"m currently dating> that was when we were first going out> i was SURE that it was over> that i would never even get an explanation for why> but much to my surprise it turned out to be nothing> he was just a bit flakey or whatever> honestly i never got a straight explanation on what the reason was< but i don"t really care at this point because that was back when we first started going out and things have been much better since> shadow, your punctuation makes my eyes go in the direction of the brackets. It's the strangest feeling.
shadowplay Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 shadow, your punctuation makes my eyes go in the direction of the brackets. It's the strangest feeling. Well, my keyboard seems to have recovered from its brief bout of insanity. It was fun while it lasted.
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 my keyboard is screwed< so please excuse the bizarre punctuation> but yes< i totally know where you"re coming from> i"ve had that "sinking feeling" many times before> the good news is that i"m wrong most of the time> i remember once i didn"t hear from a guy for several days> actually it was the guy i"m currently dating> that was when we were first going out> i was SURE that it was over> that i would never even get an explanation for why> but much to my surprise it turned out to be nothing> he was just a bit flakey or whatever> honestly i never got a straight explanation on what the reason was< but i don"t really care at this point because that was back when we first started going out and things have been much better since> I hope I'm wrong as well. I really don't like this feeling at all and it's distracting me from my studying . I hope he calls me soon (like tomorrow). Dating is such a rollercoaster....my emotions range from pure bliss and happiness to anxiety, fear and depression :lmao:
Krytie TV Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 To answer your question fray, yes, I have gotten that sinking feeling in the past, but was rarely right and it was usually bred from my own insecurity. It usually comes in the first 2 months of a relationship. However, the reason for the feeling differs. To me, the trigger that you are identifying definitely seems like an insecurity thing and nothing more.
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 One rule I made for myself though is that if he does end up not calling me, then I will not call him as well. What I also dread is if he calls/texts/emails me to tell me that he can't drop me off the airport after all. Or WORSE, he feels since he agreed to drop me off, that he'd call just to drop me off, then i never hear from him after!...gosh i have so many scary thoughts in my head right now its insane!....*must remain calm* *gasps for air*
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Ya know what guys, love hurts .
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Ya know what guys, love hurts . But you aren't in love, Fray, though from your past posts, you do see to get attached quickly. It's disappointing, but it's been what, 4 dates? Do you get too attached too quickly?
Star Gazer Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Fray hun...calm down. Four dates with no sex does not equal love. Trust me on this. You need to maintain a rational perspective so early in your "relationship." I know it can be tough, you obviously like the dude a he!! of a whole lot, but you really need to come back down to reality here.
Author fray718 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 4 one on one dates, then i met his friends and spent the nite all friday, then he met my friends n i spent the night at his place all saturday (so total of 6 dates I guess). We talked for a whole month before we started dating though....it took that long only because I was really busy for like 3 weeks but he was willing to wait for me. But once we met, things moved rather quickly and well it's honeslty because I havent had such a connection with ANYONE like this in over 2 years (I never told him this though haha). He also told me that he hasnt felt this way about anyone in a long time. He told me has a good feeling about me and he thinks I'm amazing, etc etc. The last time a guy gave me flowers I was 17! So yea, I mean this guy is different from the rest (I passed up two taller, smarter, cuter, richer and more 'fun' guys for him because he's the nicest guy). Few of the other guys I dated in the past were jerks so I wasn't too upset when any of them ditched me. But with this guy, I had high hopes about him. First guy in over 2 years! Yes I do have attachment issues. I'm actually ALOT less attached with this guy than I was with the previous ones, mainly because I took a long dating break to focus on myself first. Believe it or not, I was like 10x worse before to the point where I couldn't much function with the last guy I dated. I'm somewhat distracted now but still overall productive at work (at least compared to before!). By love, I just mean the 'feeling' of being in love, though ofcourse it's not love. I just use the word love cuz i'm a huge romantic . We didn't have sex but we were in each others arms for like hours (and yes, without clothes on, skin against skin). So we were physically really close, slept together in the same bed.
shadowplay Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 You're not in love. You're just freaking out at the thought of losing him and you're mistaking that feeling for love. I went through the same thing when I thought my now bf was ditching me at the very beginning of our relationship. In retrospect I realize I wasn't in love with him yet. I didn't truly fall for him until about two months in. Something that you think you can't have just always seems a lot more enticing.
D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 We all freak out in our heads when we like someone. That's why it's good to vent here and not with the said person we are having the crazies for. He has stated he has strong feelings for you. great sign. You guys haven't been sexually intimate yet. good move. Just remain calm and carefree in his presence. Even if you're freaking out on the inside. Let things progress naturally. I've had sinking feelings that turned out to be my own insecurity- and I've had gut reactions to things that turned out to be true. I have also made something out of nothing and scared someone off. That is where the "stay calm" advice comes into play.
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