bserious2012 Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I've been all over this site reading the threads, getting caught up in the relationship issues and claiming the advice as my own for about 8 months. In fact, this is the site that gave me the strength to go NC back in March and I took up the mantra that "it will get better" along with every other heartbroken person on this forum. Now, a year since I first found out the truth--Its not better! The pain still comes out of no where and the tears start flowing. This time last year I quit my job that I'd turned into a career, shut off my utilties and planned to move out of my first apartment and back home to my family 70 miles away. All of this because I found out I'd invested a lot of time in a relationship that was doomed for failure. The relationship itself didn't start out on good terms and we were never an official couple more like FWB but it was fine because eventually I started seriously dating other people but I always wanted this guy that was my "friend" to be my man. And despite his stance on relationships I always knew it could get serious with us. When I started getting serious with someone else and my career started taking off, all of a sudden he was coming over my place all the time and getting jealous around friends and telling me he loved me. It might be because I'd told him about my plans to possibly move home and go back to college but I felt it was because he was finally ready after 2.5 years and maybe he was emotionally prepared; he was 5 years older. Then he starts asking me if I would still want him if he moved away or if he had a child. I thought these questions were to test my devotion to the relationship, although everyone knew how I felt about him; we worked at the same place. Come to find out the truth is he's got this girl at the job pregnant. The child is due in 2 months and everyone has been lying to me about who the father is. I don't get mad, in fact I'm real calm because in the back of my mind its like Oh...well, that makes sense, it all adds up. Then he starts talking about how he doesn't love her and he's gonna take his son and leave her and he cheats on her, blah blah blah. And I think wow, so this is how you treat the woman who's carrying your child? The calm comes before the storm, eventually I'm calling and telling him the child isn't his. It really is the other man's he's the one who's been lied to. And I call his father's house and ask to speak to my husband because everyone at work was giving me clues like he was going to ask me to marry him. His father immediately gives him the phone, like he's married!! but when I ask him he says he isn't, he's sort of engaged. From that point I lose it calling and leaving messages and just acting pretty crazy and I'm sure he's glad its over. I just wanted to give you some background. I'm over him and the whole situation. I guess everyone has to have one terrible break up to know what not to do. That was mine. but now I feel like I don't know when I'll be ready to be in a relationship again. Before I found out the truth I was dating like crazy, him and other people, I was the proverbial player but now I'm just going to school and love is the last thing on my mind. I know I want to love again but I don't ever want to feel like that again and that makes it hard to want to get out there and date again. I know there are stages to breakup and I just want to know how long has it taken you guys to get over your worst breakup? Is this normal, its alright for me to sort of spend some time on myself right? I'm only 22 and my first real relationship started at 18 and lasted 3 years off and on. This guy played a part in the end of that relationship and then I spent the last year sowing my oats and dating. 2007 has been all about school,this is the first time I've been single. Another issue I have is that I never found out about the paternity or if the whole child & marriage thing was a lie. I don't know what the situation with him was but I know he didn't want to be with me and although he broke it off repeatedly he would never let me be with other people. The fact that other people did want to be with me lets me know I wasn't the problem but now I'm wary of relationships period and friendships for that matter since none of our mutual friends told me the truth. help...
Author bserious2012 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 I was wondering what you guys thought about me finally ending this vicious cycles after almost 3 years. He really used me and I just let him get away with it, it finally took members of my family telling me to have some pride for me to just let it all go. I feel great that I finally did but I can't believe it took all that! I'm having a hard time enjoying the fact the I finally let him go because I know it took an 80 year old woman telling me to get a backbone, him telling me he was having a child, possibly engaged and so many other things. And then I had to go and leave all those messages on his phone...it sours the mood. Someone please make me feel better.
cant let go Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 you sound like you are on the right track. take care of yourself. don't worry about getting in a relationship. you have learned a very valuable lesson from this guy and you should stew in it for a while before jumping into anything else. Put him in the past and don't dwell or worry about how you got where you are. Just be proud that you made it out of that. unfortunately, since this guy was so completely awful, it may end up being the case that the next guy that you meet that is even slightly a step up from the scum of the earth that you are accustomed to may seem like a saint. Be careful, listen to your family, and good luck in school!
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