Author D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I think what it comes down to is having calm conversations about things. I am prone to acting emotionally when someone says something that strikes a chord with me. TBF is right- this guy is quite young, and I think a lot of what he says comes from being naive. I need to learn how to say "hey- I am not cool with what you just said" instead of kicking someone out of my bed. After he has gone away and come back- I think I will revisit things with him- maybe start fresh.
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 you're like the dr. house of loveshack, oppath. (that was a compliment.) We share the same alma matter.
Star Gazer Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I need to learn how to say "hey- I am not cool with what you just said" instead of kicking someone out of my bed. He shouldn't even be making such asinine comments to begin with. Do you really want to teach this guy how to be respectful and understanding of your feelings?
Trialbyfire Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I agree with you SG but in this situation, I think it comes with the territory of a younger guy. Ego and inexperience with women combined with a higher testosterone level, always affects the brain. While I've never dated a younger guy, I have a ton of exposure to them through clubs and sites I belong to. More balls than brains and sadly lacking sensitivity, when it comes to relationships. No offense D-Lish or any of our more introspective younger male members.
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 No offense D-Lish or any of our more introspective younger male members. None taken. Don't diss dating a young guy though. You should try it sometime. We're just like dating older guys, getting up in the morning and putting our pants on one leg at a time, the only difference is that once our pants are on, we make gold records.
Trialbyfire Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 None taken. Don't diss dating a young guy though. You should try it sometime. We're just like dating older guys, getting up in the morning and putting our pants on one leg at a time, the only difference is that once our pants are on, we make gold records. I do enjoy the playfulness of younger guys so don't get me wrong. I've been to quite a number of meets for my clubs, even organizing meets, because the guys can be a riot.
Florida Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 If it makes you feel any better D- the 1st few months-I think it was the 3rd month...I was searching for affirmation and asked "what would you have done if we never met" my BF answered "oh-don't worry-there were tons lined up behind you!" .... My jaw dropped. I was expecting some sweet answer. I dragged him through the coals for that, he answered post humously (ha?) "of course I'm glad it was you!" but I was pissed! Took a few months of explaining, because I would never have said that. Yes, people make dumb mistakes. Almost as dumb as me admitting to him (when he asked) that "of course I wanted things to work out with my ex!" ...ouch... when he probably really wanted to hear "I love you and I'm glad it didn't work out". I ate glass for that too. We all say DUMB things and bless the robot that is perfect all the time.
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I do enjoy the playfulness of younger guys so don't get me wrong. I've been to quite a number of meets for my clubs, even organizing meets, because the guys can be a riot. You just haven't met the right younger guy yet, TBF
Trialbyfire Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 You just haven't met the right younger guy yet, TBF Funny guy...
BlueEyedSarah Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 That evening, we did have sex for the first time... and this is where I pulled a stupid move. We were lying together, and he started talking about how many women he had been with.... then he went on to speculate how many more women he would be with in his lifetime. Well- it was insensitive on his part- and I should have just calmly told him that. Instead, I blew a gasket and yelled at him and kicked him out of my house. If a guy I am seeing and had sex with for the first time said that to me I would be extramly mad and kick him out my house too. What he said seems to be beyond insensative, its a kick in the heart! I wouldn't contact him again after that comment because he obviously doesnt see it as a long term relationship.
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 D-lish, Here are you red flags. 1) stalking = pathology? 2) his remark about other women = insensitive/cruel 3) his snooping on your computer = underhanded 4) his making you drive him all that distance in foul weather = selfish 5) his not calling you but commenting on facebook = coward/immature 6) putting off talking to you 'til after Christmas = evasive I'd double think this, if I were you!! These are some SERIOUS red flags. He is telling you WHO he is. Take off the blinders. If he is like this in the beginning, what will he be like. let's say, six months from now? Do you really want to take the risk?
Florida Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 If a guy I am seeing and had sex with for the first time said that to me I would be extramly mad and kick him out my house too. What he said seems to be beyond insensative, its a kick in the heart! I wouldn't contact him again after that comment because he obviously doesnt see it as a long term relationship. I agree blue eyes-but with the new update thart he wants to work it out with her-my heart softened, and I want her to be happy, and not think the worst. It would be easier if he said he wasn't sure-but he sounds sure now! And explained why he was distant, he thought he was being played. So....what do you think? What are his intentions? Why reconnect if no good intentions (or do I just sound naive??)
Florida Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 D-lish, Here are you red flags. 1) stalking = pathology? 2) his remark about other women = insensitive/cruel 3) his snooping on your computer = underhanded 4) his making you drive him all that distance in foul weather = selfish 5) his not calling you but commenting on facebook = coward/immature 6) putting off talking to you 'til after Christmas = evasive I'd double think this, if I were you!! These are some SERIOUS red flags. He is telling you WHO he is. Take off the blinders. If he is like this in the beginning, what will he be like. let's say, six months from now? Do you really want to take the risk? that's true, okay d-I'm sticking to that I think you can find better and this is not a good guy, as much as I *want* to believe otherwise.
Krytie TV Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 OK, I have to apologize but I'm seriously missing something. Is this supposed to be a good thing that he decided to award you the "prize" of him? I'm sitting here in awe of how it acceptable that he sat outside your house for however long he did (whatever he says I would say it's more) until 3 AM for you to come home. This is NOT rational behavior. Driving by once and seeing that you're not home? OK, Most people could be guilty of that. But to wait for multiple hours is downright creepy. Why does no one care about this? This is very bad news. It's stalker and controlling behavior. What does this look like in a year when he expects you to be home and you're not. What then? I would be afraid to find out. Seriously D-Lish... good luck with your prize.
Author D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 D-lish, Here are you red flags. 1) stalking = pathology? 2) his remark about other women = insensitive/cruel 3) his snooping on your computer = underhanded 4) his making you drive him all that distance in foul weather = selfish 5) his not calling you but commenting on facebook = coward/immature 6) putting off talking to you 'til after Christmas = evasive I'd double think this, if I were you!! These are some SERIOUS red flags. He is telling you WHO he is. Take off the blinders. If he is like this in the beginning, what will he be like. let's say, six months from now? Do you really want to take the risk? I dunno- he did call last night late to chat. And I was the one who said we should talk after x-mas so we could both take some space to figure this out. That is where my head is at right now. He's young- his comments come from inexperience. I do need to date someone my own age.
Author D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Yes, well the whole thing has been a bit draining. I didn't like the sounds of the "I took some time to think and decided I want you". I am going to take the time off at the hoidays to get my head screwed on straight.
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I am going to take the time off at the hoidays to get my head screwed on straight. Yes, dear. But don't let this ruin your holidays ( as much as you possibly can).
tanbark813 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 My prediction is that if the guy calls D-Lish and wants to continue things, she'll be interested and want to as well. If he calls her and says he's not interested or just continues to ignore her, she'll decide that he's a jerk and she's not interested afterall. You heard it here first. None taken. Don't diss dating a young guy though. You should try it sometime. We're just like dating older guys, getting up in the morning and putting our pants on one leg at a time, the only difference is that once our pants are on, we make gold records. I'm gonna need more cowbell.
Author D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Well, the smartest thing to do is to vent here. It's better to shake your crazies anonymously...rather than me being the one doing the 3am drive by's...
KenzieAbsolutely Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 OK, I have to apologize but I'm seriously missing something. Is this supposed to be a good thing that he decided to award you the "prize" of him? I'm sitting here in awe of how it acceptable that he sat outside your house for however long he did (whatever he says I would say it's more) until 3 AM for you to come home. This is NOT rational behavior. Driving by once and seeing that you're not home? OK, Most people could be guilty of that. But to wait for multiple hours is downright creepy. Why does no one care about this? This is very bad news. It's stalker and controlling behavior. What does this look like in a year when he expects you to be home and you're not. What then? I would be afraid to find out. Seriously D-Lish... good luck with your prize. several people here have said this same thing.
shockandawed Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Yes, well the whole thing has been a bit draining. I didn't like the sounds of the "I took some time to think and decided I want you". I am going to take the time off at the hoidays to get my head screwed on straight. D-Lish, Everyone has already given you some great advise and your own words above are truly the best thing you can do. I bet if you allow yourself a little time to reflect and get past the emotions of it, you will see the red flags very clearly. If a relationship is this emotionally draining at the beginning, I am certain it will only get worse over time. THE Bruce Dickinson
Jilly Bean Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 you're like the dr. house of loveshack, oppath. (that was a compliment.) Oh? So then I'm NOT the only one with a vicodan habit here... D - I agree with Shocked - once you let your emotions fall out of the equation, I am confident you will see this guy for who he is. Go eat some gingerbread men in the meantime!
Author D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 cock of the walk... I am the prize. ;-) That's why it is therapeutic to come to this place. I went from thinking I had pulled a stupid....to understanding and working towards believing I deserve better. A part of me was already wondering this- it just took some unravelling, venting and listening to what others had to say to put it in a more logical perspective. Does that happen in just over 16 hours? Yes it does. Loveshack is like magic.
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 My prediction is that if the guy calls D-Lish and wants to continue things, she'll be interested and want to as well. If he calls her and says he's not interested or just continues to ignore her, she'll decide that he's a jerk and she's not interested afterall. You heard it here first. Something tells me the very same thing! She's a winner, def!
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 If a relationship is this emotionally draining at the beginning, I am certain it will only get worse over time. Word......
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