Confused9 Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I know I already started a post about this but I am struggling to not contact him. I really need to know why others thing NC is the way to go. If he text messaged me and I never responded doesn't that seem like I gave up? Then I never said anything to him about his birthday. Doesn't that make me seem heartless? What if I am losing out on the reconciliation? What if he never contacts me again? Am I going to have to live with that for the rest of my life? The what ifs? This is just bull crap. I can't believe I am back to this point. I was making good progress now, bam! I am back to square one and he's invading my thoughts. Should I have said happy birthday?
whichwayisup Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 You not answering his text means: -You aren't putting up with his bullsh*t and you're standing up for yourself. -You not answering also means that you are showing him that he isn't worthy of your time. -You not answering shows him that he has no affect on you. -You not answering shows him that you don't want to deal with him anymore. For you: -To heal. -Realize that the man you fell inlove with is gone. -NC means no new hurts. Not saying happy birthday to him was the right thing to do. It doesn't make you heartless at all, infact it makes you stronger and a better person. If you had said happy birthday to him, you might not have liked the response back from him. Again, NC=No new hurts. You have enough pain to deal with, so talking to him, trying to contact him in any way is only going to bring you MORE pain.
Author Confused9 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 I just worry that I missed out on the conversation that may have made me feel better. I feel like I am worse now than I was in Sept when this started happened. It's a different sadness. Maybe I am mourning our relationship? I just feel like he knows how I am with birthdays and me not saying anything sends him a message that I don't care and I DO care!! Too much really. I know if I did contact him I probably would have gotten the wrong response but there is a chance I could have gotten a nice, caring one. I guess if he really wants to talk to me or if he really wants to make it right...he will try again. I guess I am just scared I will never hear from him again. Like, I lost that chance. Sometimes I feel like I am going to wake up and this will all be over and he will be snuggled next to me. Then I am smacked into reality and realize he has someone new and could care less. How did he go from crazy about me to crazy about her in such a short time? Perhaps he is just crazy. Thank you as always WWIU. I can't wait till I see the light.
stampdaddy Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I know I already started a post about this but I am struggling to not contact him. I really need to know why others thing NC is the way to go. If he text messaged me and I never responded doesn't that seem like I gave up? Then I never said anything to him about his birthday. Doesn't that make me seem heartless? What if I am losing out on the reconciliation? What if he never contacts me again? Am I going to have to live with that for the rest of my life? The what ifs? This is just bull crap. I can't believe I am back to this point. I was making good progress now, bam! I am back to square one and he's invading my thoughts. Should I have said happy birthday? My Birthday is coming up. You can say Happy Birthday to ME instead if it helps...
imstunned Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I think you did the right thing by not contacting him. The only one that was heartless was him when he moved on so fast. You havent lost a chance at anything - he knows where you are. And the nice conversation you are imaganing that you missed out on is really just a fanstasy - it didnt happen. You may bee feeling crap, but you would be feeling a whole lot worse if you had contacted him. No matter what his response - its unlikely it would be the one you wanted. NC is hard. I'm rubbish at it. But I am trying. Every single time I contacted my jerk of an ex it caused me MORE pain, MORE tears, MORE upset, and put me right back to the start of NC again. I finally get that NC = No new hurts.
Author Confused9 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 My Birthday is coming up. You can say Happy Birthday to ME instead if it helps... ok Stampdaddy, your on. When is it? I need to get ready...it will be a lot of pent up happy birthday aggression.
Author Confused9 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Thanks Imstunned. I am glad I didn't contact him either. You're right. He knows where I am...well not exactly since I moved but...he knows he can find me. He is in another state right now so I think that makes it harder/easier. I know I am not going to run in to him and that is good and bad. I don't see this 'thing' he has with the OW lasting. But, I think I am starting to mourn our relationship and that is why I am so sad. I am starting to believe it is over. If you told me this 3 1/2 months ago...that I would be single and getting over him...I would have laughed at you. It's amazing how fast things change.
brokenthinker Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I have been going NC for 2 mos now... My ex I fear is moved on... if yours is going to come back it's not going to be for a while. Before I went NC my wife would just ridicule me and say how pathetic I am for trying to save my marriage.... I don't want to get down like that again... beleive me you are better off.... I'm just slighltly less miserable now!
Author Confused9 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 He already moved on...but with the text message sent me mixed messages. Whatever...we are all better off without our WS's. He is an A-hole. To think I felt bad for not saying anything to him on his b-day. He didn't feel bad banging some other chick and impregnating her while engaged. Now he has his new little life. Hope it's worth it. Ahhh, I feel much better now. LS is a lifesaver!
stampdaddy Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 ok Stampdaddy, your on. When is it? I need to get ready...it will be a lot of pent up happy birthday aggression. grrrrrrrrrrrrr baby grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr:p
whichwayisup Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I just worry that I missed out on the conversation that may have made me feel better Aww confused...The thing is, that's a false sense of making you feel better, in the moment. It isn't long term and it most definately wouldn't mean anything. Does that make sense to you? I tell ya, if I knew what your ex looked like and I saw him walking down the street, I would nail him about 20 times with snowballs!! (Hmm, maybe I'd throw in some frozen dog poo in there too!)
stampdaddy Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Aww confused...The thing is, that's a false sense of making you feel better, in the moment. It isn't long term and it most definately wouldn't mean anything. Does that make sense to you? I tell ya, if I knew what your ex looked like and I saw him walking down the street, I would nail him about 20 times with snowballs!! (Hmm, maybe I'd throw in some frozen dog poo in there too!) They call that a "Steamer" where I come from....
Author Confused9 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 If I was malicious I would so send you a picture. I would post it on here : )
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