mortensorchid Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I have been in 2 LDRs in my lifetime. And I'm hear to tell the world not to get involved in them. The two were worlds apart in terms of personality types. The first one was needy and refused to come see me even once even though he was within 3 hours driving distance from me. He always had a reason, always had an excuse, always had something suddenly come up. And he was always whining that someday I was going to leave him. Until HE ended it because he was going to beat me to the punch, but was hoping I would do it first so then he won't look like the bad guy. The second one was completely against the grain. Nothing about him said rock n' roll (which are the types I usually go for). He was just "an average guy". In the end, however, this did not entail "nice guy". He hated my friends, hated everything I did for fun and entertainment, and said that if I didn't quit smoking he wouldn't consider this a permanent set up. So I changed my ways - got rid of the bad friends, had clean fun, and went on the patches and I QUIT smoking. And he STILL wasn't happy! He was miserable, because I waited almost 2 years into knowing him before I even considered stopping. And he hated that I made a few new friends who were Christian, church going folk! Nothing I did or said was good enough for him, because he's perfect apparently. So, don't get involved with people LDR. It takes a while before their true colors come out. And, both of them rebounded and married other women less than a year later. I am lucky that I didn't end up with either of those self centered losers. I'd almost feel tempted to feel sorry for the women they married, but then again desperation pushes us into doing crazy things.
Nevermind Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Well....I am sorry to read that you had such tough experiences in your life. Being disappointed by the ones who are supposed to be nearest and dearest is dreadful. However, the bad sides of your relationships do not seem to be ldr specific. You could have had the same things with guys next door.
shadowplay Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 However, the bad sides of your relationships do not seem to be ldr specific. You could have had the same things with guys next door. I had the same thought.
Author mortensorchid Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I suppose that's true. But, being that they took such cowardly ways out it really hurt. Being that they had distance on their side as well as to not face my raving at them made it all the more hurtful. If it's meant to be, then things work out I guess. But, I wonder if they had distance on their sides if things would be so free to do and say what they did.
EYECANDY000 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I was only in one long distance relationshp for for almost a year and a half. and it was extemely hard. He stayed on the east coast and well for me I was on the opposite end. I dont think I will ever give a long distance relationship a try again.
Nevermind Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I guess many people didn't really want to start a ldr because of the long distance. But life isn't easy, and if your beloved one goes to work or to fight or to study in a place far from your own...can you just unlove? Or do you try...and then you are in a ldr, even though that's not what you bargained for in the first place. And reading some of the stories here, I still believe it can work out. Maybe not for me. Maybe not for you. But it's not impossible. And the same can be said about any other type of relationship.
Elyssa Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 LDRs can work just fine, but it takes a lot of patience, love and determination... much more so than a normal relationship. LDRs mostly fail when one of the two people gets tired of being lonely and finally wants to seek someone closer by, because the love the two people shared cools with the distance, or simply because they're too young or otherwise financially unable to move together or closer to one another. It's definitely not for very young people who might not have the means to make it happen in the end. An LDR needs a common goal, just being "together" on the Internet or visiting every few months isn't enough if there's no intent or ability to become physically closer in a permanent way. Maturity and trust also play an important role. Both people need to understand that the other person has a life and friends of their own and learn to deal with time apart without becoming insecure about the relationship. In short, yes, it's very difficult... yes, it fails most of the time. Impossible, though? Not at all. I've done it successfully and so have many others, but not everyone has the patience or determination to have an LDR, and quite honestly... not every person you meet is worth going through all that for. -E
dancinggal Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I think at the end of the day, you're relationship is about the two of you and no one else. Advice is fine, but like anything else, its up to the two people in the relationship to make it work. There are no hard and fast rules about what works and what doesn't. You have to work it out for yourself.
Lyssa Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 I'm in an LDR - over a year now and have no problem with it! It takes two to work any kind of a R and if two can't see eye to eye then it can't work. I'm sorry you had it bad with two of your LDRs but like Nevermind said, it could happen even with the guy next door.
catrocks Posted December 19, 2007 Posted December 19, 2007 There are many ldr success stories (myself included) and many bad stories I've heard from people.... but at the end of they day, if you persevere and really want to be together, and have a plan, like Elyssa said, it can work. I feel that my relationship with my now husband was made even stronger by the 2.5 years forced distance. I trust him 100% and he trusts me, I feel secure with myself as well as with our relationship, and I know I can survive without him constantly there if he has to go somewhere. Before he had to move back to the US, I was jealous and insecure, but I worked through it and I feel like it's made me a better person. So, thanks to my LDR, both myself and our relationship are so much stronger. However, I would agree that if one or both parties are not willing to have an end point in mind, or even to visit each other, then ldr cannot work. It takes patience and determination, hard work, communication and money. But it can work.
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