JShimmy Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 So, i just graduated college this weekend.. Me and this girl have been really good friends since freshman year... We recently hooked up 3 or four times at the end of last semester(right before summer).. well going into this last semester, we been spending each day together hanging out doing what people do including sex and whatnot after multiple dates.. we seemed to be hitting it off great and everyone has been asking what are we... Which i didn't know either... I mean we spent all 3 1/2 months together... She even cried the first time we had sex cause she said no one has felt this way about her in a while... which is wrong, cause people would die to be with her.. So, never talking about anything, i requested to take the next step as being exclusive and actual term boyfriend and girlfriend... She told me that she doesn't want to be exclusive right now.. that we just finished college and she does have feelings for me and not to get the wrong idea.. she said it is possible that we will be a couple somewhere down the line, but right now she just wants to continue hanging out.. like 2 times a week since now were not down the street from eachother.. Im afraid im just a fling for her... I have feelings that are strong and i know if i get out now, it might save some heartbreak if in 3 months my feelings grow stronger and this is just a fling.. she is very attractive and can have almost any guy.. i hate going to the bar with her cause 4-5 guys will hit on her whenever i go to the bathroom or anything.. my main problem is, we hang out and i feel like were boyfriend/girlfriend and its gonna make me really depressed if this is just a fling for her... Do you think i should continue hanging out with her a couple times a week? She assures me that she doesn't want to hurt me and that this could be possibly a relationship, just not now.. I just don't know if i can put effort into something i don't know what is to come... please help.. also, she said don't think that cause im home i already like think im gonna hook up with other people... and she told me she hasn't hooked up with anyone in this 3 1/2 months, which i totally know is true..im just so confused and i cant get hurt right now Link to post Share on other sites
Author JShimmy Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 PS... this is the text message right after we got off the phone... I can tell your upset and i don't know if its bc of me or bc your leaving school but i hope u understand what im saying and aren't taking it the wrong way.. i do really care about you 2 so just keep that in mind.. call me soon Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 If you really want this gal, hang out with her and be very cool about it. No more sleeping with her if she's seeing other people. The KEY here is to be cool. Don't call her so often. Don't be so available. Play her game. She's got you going out of your mind because she's pulling back a bit...reverse the situation. People want what they can't have. If she really cares about you, the first time you tell her you're going out with somebody else she'll go bonkers and come at you with the force of an atomic bomb. If she doesn't, she'll just say...good luck. Give it more time but STOP TAKING THIS SO SERIOUSLY!!! Take if from somebody who's been there....there's lots of ladies out there who are just like her and who you'll like even better. Also, just think, if this gal threw herself into your arms and called you ten times a day you'd probably be asking us how you could dump her. So the idea is to be cool and start seeing other ladies yourself. Just sit back, be calm, take a few breaths and resolve that you ARE NOT going to give her the kind of power over you that she has right now. The more you treat her normally, the cooler you are, the more she sees you can do without her the more she will care about you. Right now, it may be very likely she is uncomfortable and frightened because she senses she is your world. Nobody really likes that too soon...in her case, maybe down the line. The cooler you are and the less you show her how emotionally dependent you are on her the more she'll crawl all over you. And also, REMEMBER, as hard as it may be...DON'T be available to her everytime she wants to do something. Let her know you've got other things to do. Wait two or three days before you call her and act totally normal and cool. Ask her what she's been up to. Don't tell her you're returning her calls....just talk. AND DON'T ASK HER OUT OR TO DO SOMETHING. End the conversation after ten minutes, telling her you hope to get together with her soon. Then don't call for a few more days. It will drive her NUTS! Yeah, it's a game. Do you want her or don't you? Follow my instructions and you've got a good chance. Kiss her butt and it's all over. Link to post Share on other sites
polywog Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 JS, that's a painful situation. What I'm reading here is that you want more than she does, but she wants to be with you on Her terms. Which means that you'll be hanging around waiting and hoping for her to want what you desire. You aren't being fair to yourself; you are giving her what crumbs she's tossing your way. I don't mean to paint her as a bad person, but while you are longing for things to change, she can have you whenever she wants. It's not fair, and not good for your self-respect. And it doesn't make her have to make a clear decision about you; she doesn't need to because she "has" you. IMO you would be doing yourself good to just end it the way it is now, but that's just my suggestion, based on my own past experience. And by the way, I hate to put this in your head, but chances are, she'll come to her senses if you do this. I wouldn't count on it, or end it just to make this happen, but sometimes that's what ends up happening in these sitch's. Then you'll have a whole other thing to post about! Link to post Share on other sites
ElvenPriestess Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 i agree that you're not being fair to yourself. It almost seems like she has you twisted around her, and she KNOWS it. Instead of appreciating how you feel about her, it's almost as if she's pushing them to the side and thinking "He'll be there." Well don't let yourself be that person. And even if you do see her, no sex, no hand holding, no kissing, and DO NOT let her try that stuff on you. It's mixed messages, and on its way to possible FWB. Which I don't think you want. But again, if it's too painful to be around her with out "her being your girl," then don't do it. That's my take on it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JShimmy Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 I just want to say thanks for the replies... I appreciate it very much and already feel a lot better.. its hard for me being a guy to talk about this... even though i have a lot of good friends, i just don't like them to see it when im down... im glad theres good people that can help... i truly appreciate it.. I actually think im gonna do a little of all three.. and play it by year... thank you and the knots in my stomach have disappeared after reading your suggestions.. thank you Link to post Share on other sites
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