alwayslearning Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Hi everyone, sorry for this long post but I definitely can use some advice so hopefully you all can bear with me. So I've known this guy for about 1.5 months now but we've only been officially dating for 3 weeks. I get the feeling like he's in love with me or something at times since he first met me. He seems really into me. But anyway, the first 3 dates things were pretty low-key and mellow. Then on the fourth date he showed up at my door with flowers and we had our first make out session and he took pics of us -- basically he laid it on really thick all of a sudden on our fourth date. Then after the picture-taking, he said 'I think we'd make a cute couple...(short pause)...don't you think so?' Ofcourse I smiled nicely and said 'yea, I think so.' But at the time I thought of it more as a comment on his part than as a question really of whether we'd be a couple. Then he started to act really lovey-dovey (unlike his low-key demeanor on the first three dates) and texted me the next day and called me two days after that wanting to see me n when I said i was busy that night, he said he missed me already. Then he asked if I wanted to meet his friends that Friday night and I said yea and also I invited him to meet my friends Saturday night as well and he said yes. We went to third base that Saturday night. He said he's told his friends and his family about me already ever since the second date. But when he introduced me to his friends he didn't use the 'g' word...he didn't introduce me as his 'friend' either..he just called me by my name. That weekend he referred to us as a being a couple once or twice...for example he said stuff like 'i think we fit so well together as a couple.' When we toasted wine glasses he said 'to us.' He referred to our dating as 'a success story.' He talks about the future with me like going on trips with me, etc. He pretty much treats me like I'm his woman. So the question is, are we officially a couple? Are we exclusive? Are we bf/gf? Did I agree to being a couple with him on the fourth date without even realizing it? I feel like things are just half-defined....does that make sense? This is so confusing. I hate to ask him, but at the same time I'm not sure what our boundaries are. I mean am I allowed to go on a date with some other guy I might see potential in or is that considered cheating? I like this guy I'm dating, but at the same time I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket when I'm not even sure what we are excatly. Any advice greatly appreciated and thank you for reading this long post.
Krytie TV Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Just talk to him. What we say means nothing. The longer you wait to tell him you want to continue seeing other people the more invested he'll be.
Trezza Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I usually find that the best course of action is be direct and to the point with him. People can post on here what they think, but they don't really know as we don't know you or your 'boyfriend'. However, you did ask for opinions so in my opinion he thinks that you two are together or getting together and is putting these little remarks/tests out there to test the water to see how you feel about that possibility - otherwise he is scared that you may not feel how he feels and he doesn't want to get rejected. But the best thing to do is to sit him down and ask him where the relationship is going, or where you two stand with each other etc. just to clear up the confusion.
virtuzoso Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 He thinks you two are a couple, but he's waiting on the official word from you. Thats what I think. Its pretty obvious that he digs you. With some guys it can be like flipping a switch on or off. I have been like that before. If you're still not sure about the bf/gf thing, just be honest and tell him you like him alot but you still need a little more time. Good luck
Author alwayslearning Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 virtuzoso - what do you mean by flipping a switch on or off? Do you mean he can just suddenly stop liking me? Don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind being official with him right now, but I'm just not the type to initiate being bf/gf (I fear rejection too!). Will it be ok if I just wait it out and see? I mean if he really likes me he'd eventually let go of his fear of rejection and initiate it right? It's only been 3 weeks so maybe it's too soon. Though we've pretty much been acting as a couple for the past week. Do you all think waiting it out will be ok?
Phateless Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 virtuzoso - what do you mean by flipping a switch on or off? Do you mean he can just suddenly stop liking me? Don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind being official with him right now, but I'm just not the type to initiate being bf/gf (I fear rejection too!). Will it be ok if I just wait it out and see? I mean if he really likes me he'd eventually let go of his fear of rejection and initiate it right? It's only been 3 weeks so maybe it's too soon. Though we've pretty much been acting as a couple for the past week. Do you all think waiting it out will be ok? I think waiting it out will only breed more ambiguity. People don't say what they mean because they're afraid and then the person they were trying not to hurt gets even more hurt later on. Just talk to him.
Author alwayslearning Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 I think waiting it out will only breed more ambiguity. People don't say what they mean because they're afraid and then the person they were trying not to hurt gets even more hurt later on. Just talk to him. I know what you mean, but I think I've been pretty good at showing him I like him. I mean if he REALLY does like me, why can't he just ask? I mean he's asked me out on all the other dates and to meet his friends? I think I'd wait at least a few more weeks n see.
Author alwayslearning Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 hm..how bout this? Can I just ask him what he meant when he referred to us as a couple? Then see what his response is? That way I can get a straight answer I think. What you all think?
shadowplay Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 No, I would just ask him "So I was wondering, do you want to be exclusive?" If you ask him what he meant by his reference to you as a couple, he might take that as you're worried that he wants to be a couple. Better to just be direct.
Author alwayslearning Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 No, I would just ask him "So I was wondering, do you want to be exclusive?" If you ask him what he meant by his reference to you as a couple, he might take that as you're worried that he wants to be a couple. Better to just be direct. Shadowplay - I noticed that you seem quite happy and successful in your current relationship. Do you suggest I even initiate it or wait for at least a few more weeks and see considering we've only been dating for 3 weeks? I've already gone third base with him though
shadowplay Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Shadowplay - I noticed that you seem quite happy and successful in your current relationship. Do you suggest I even initiate it or wait for at least a few more weeks and see considering we've only been dating for 3 weeks? I've already gone third base with him though Well, I waited a month and a half. I brought up the exclusive talk with him the night we first had sex. Definitely bring it up before you have sex the first time or immediately after.
Author alwayslearning Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Well, I waited a month and a half. I brought up the exclusive talk with him the night we first had sex. Definitely bring it up before you have sex the first time or immediately after. Did you go to either second or third base before the talk or did you not get physical at all until you first had sex? And so you initiatied the talk? Did you initiate it before, or after sex? Thanks for your input by the way.
Phateless Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Did you go to either second or third base before the talk or did you not get physical at all until you first had sex? And so you initiatied the talk? Did you initiate it before, or after sex? Thanks for your input by the way. One thing NOT to do is wait until just before sex (you're both already naked) to ask where you stand. BAD IDEA!! I think being direct is a good idea, or the way you phrased it will work fine too. Just make sure you're clear. Asking what he meant is fine, but there's nothing wrong with giving it more time to let it develop before you worry about it. Do you want a commitment with him or not?
shadowplay Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Did you go to either second or third base before the talk or did you not get physical at all until you first had sex? And so you initiatied the talk? Did you initiate it before, or after sex? Thanks for your input by the way. I'm not sure what you're defining as third base. We had touched each other but no oral. I initiated the talk right after we had sex the first time. It went like this: Me: "So, I was wondering -- are we exclusive?" Him: "Well I want to be..." Me: "Okay, good. Me too." Him: "Cool."
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