virtuzoso Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 ( sorry for the length) After a pretty devastating breakup a few years ago, I was DONE with dating. Never got interested in anyone new because I pretty much didnt see the point. I am sure lots of people have been there, right? Well after a few years of being single, a few weeks ago I got tired of being so antisocial and hding from my life and made the decision to change things around. So I started working out, paying attention to what I eat, having a much more positive attitude, really taking care of myself, also made the rather large decision of finishing up my degree this fall. About 3 or 4 days after I made this decision, I started getting some serious attention from a younger lady that I work with. My appearance hadnt really changed, my attitude had a bit, but nothing major. We had been coworkers for several months last year and she had just returned to her old job. I got promoted during her absence and am a supervisor ( for the sake of advice, id prefer NOT to get advice about dating a coworker. We are in a rather unique position, I doubt that will be the problem). I am 28 years old, this girl is 19. Huge gap, I know. But I have always liked her, I just never really viewed her as date material, mostly because a) she had a boyfriend and b) I was in that "single" mode where I honest-to-god didnt even think about dating anyone at all, and c) she is drop dead gorgeous and out of my league (if I believed in leagues, which I dont really, but it can still be intimidating). I am a pretty average looking guy, not out of shape or buff, I got my own thing going on, but I dont regularly turn heads So a few days after I made this huge change on my outlook on life in general, she starts her old job back and I am getting a TON of attention from her. We were friendly before, but now its completely different. Lots of casual flirting at first, she asks me to pick up her some lunch while I am out for mine,etc. Then she tells me theres a rumor going around that we are sleeping together, she starts making up excuses to hang out with me at work, even though she's off ( she spent nearly 5 hours there on her day off). We exchanged numbers, and my friend that is also a coworker and works directly for me tells me she's liked me the entire time, lots of stuff like that. So I am planning on asking her out for sometime next week, and before I get a chance to, she's sending talked herself into going to my place to watch a movie we had talked about. We end up at my place, watch 2 movies, nothing sexual happens, lots of good coversation, lots of very flirtatious touching (she's laying with her head on my lap, im stroking her hair, etc. She stays till around 2 AM, I kiss her goodnight on the lips and thank her for coming over and say I had a good time. The entire next week we go to lunch together almost every day, she's hanging out on her day off for an hour or so again, we are talking in the parking lot for half an hour before heading home sometimes, talking for 20-30 minutes almost every night. This week has been similar, but she canceled our second 'date' , which would be the first 'real' date. We havent been able to reschedule it yet. I know December is really busy for most people, maybe thats it. But I also think its possible she is trying to date more than one person at a time and cant decide between them. She's been single for about 3-4 months. Talks about her ex's a little much, but its always to say something negative about them. She does still wear a ring one of them gave her. I think things have been going well for us, but I have been out of the dating game so long I am still a little unsure of my ability to 'read' women ( haha! like thats possible ). We have both been really busy at work and havent had a chance to talk to each other face to face without interruptions in a week ( does the phone count?) I left her a single flower( her favorite) and a note in her car the night before we were supposed to go out to make up for it being cancelled ( even though she cancelled it) I am a little worried about the whole thing, the anxiety is killing me. I want to know one way or the other. Being on the verge of boyfriend is stressful I think that my be what is bothering me the most. People keep asking me " so, are you two dating?" because I have alot of people rooting for me, but I can't really answer that question with anything except a maybe. Also, me being 28, those 9 years of experience I have on her tell me at the very least that 19 year olds can be ( but not always) be pretty unstable when it comes to dating. Anyone kind enough to advise me before I die of suspense? Also, its been pretty fun doing the whole dating thing again, even if it can be painful sometimes.
Tony T Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Think nothing of the age difference...think of her age! She's a teenager, fickle and easily capable of breaking hearts and moving on with ease. That's likely what she'll do. She's probably dancing around you because she knows she's not ready to settle down, she likes you as a friend and she doesn't want to hurt you. Have some respect for that. She's too young to come right out and tell you what she's feeling. This little chirpie will take your heart, smash it onto the pavement and flatten it with a steamroller. If you want to JUST have a good time, lighten up and she'll probably hang out with you more. But the minute she sees you getting serious, she knows you're more in the age bracket of wanting to settle down and she'll split. Right now, you're being fond of her and being older is more of an ego trip to her than anything. Now, if you wait five years...you'll be 33 and she'll be 24...I'd say that was a much better bet...but still no guarantees. Good luck!
Author virtuzoso Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Thanks for the reply, Tony I am not taking it too seriously, but damn, do I want to Turns out we have alot in common so far. I know the deck is stacked against me, but I am still gonna have fun
Jilly Bean Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Tony's right. At 19, the big allure of dating someone so much older (and yes, at 19, 28 is a LOT older), is to brag to your friends about it and perhaps make some other 19-year old guys jealous. At that age, she is testing her sexual wings and learning the power she has over men and she really has no clue what the repercussions are of her actions when it comes to dating. I wouldn't think you were poised to be her next boyfriend, but poised to be the next guy she tells some other guy about. Before it gets ugly around the work place, because this will certainly blow up on you, leave it alone, find someone age appropriate, and avoid a lot of drama.
ElvenPriestess Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I tend to agree with JB, you don't need to step into a pile of drama poop. I'd steer clear of this one. I think she's infatuated by you being an "older guy." Bragging rights. Probably not a good idea, though I'm not at all trying to tell you what to do.
Author virtuzoso Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I had already thought of the jealousy thing. Very possible, but... there's no one else around at work for that to work on, and we havent been anywhere where I could be used for that. Still, too good to be true, i know
Rooster_DAR Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I don't see a huge gap here at all, I say go for it's just dating. The only trouble you might run into is the maturity level, but if you just dating without and intent to pursue a serious relationship the have at it. Cheers!
Recommended Posts