WIGIRL Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I have been casually dating a guy for almost 2 months now. It's casual in a loose form of the word. Neither of us are dating anyone else, but we're not at the stage of introducing each other as BF/GF. I keep having a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I can do better. Is this a character flaw of myself?? or is it more of a warning flag that maybe we're not the best match?? There is nothing inheritantly wrong with him. He is sweet and considerate. Rather nerdy, but I like 'em nerdy. Is it me or him? Or what does it take to find out?
fray718 Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Does he treat you like a gf? Have you met his friends? Has he talked about the future with you or including you in it? Have you been intimiate with him yet and if so since when? Basically, if he treats you like a gf then he is probably just waiting until the right time to make it official. 2 months is usually the time guys have the talk, so I would say be patient for at least another month then re-evaluate. If by then he doesn't have the talk with you, then maybe you can initiate it.
D-Lish Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I usually know in the first month if someone has long term potential. I have dated someone in the past I was unsure of- and we dated for a year. I look back now realizing I was settling. Sometimes it's hard to give up the companionship when you are compatible. But being compatible doesn't mean you have a love match on your hands. If you unsure, it's never a bad thing to ask for a little space so you can figure things out. Trust your instincts though. If you haven't felt a major spark yet- chances are you never will. I think the spark is important, and you can't force it- it's either there or it isn't.
Author WIGIRL Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 I do have attraction for him. How can I go from attraction to feelings of settling at the same time? Is that normal? Or is it an intrapersonal thing with me and my struggles? Quite possibly I'm trying to make a relationship out of a match that shouldn't be a relationship.
D-Lish Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Well, we have all done that! I guess you have to find out if what you feel for him is love or something less. Have you ever felt that defining moment with someone when you go from enjoying their company to "wow" I really, really like this guy...?" I did date someone for about 6 months once when that finally hit me. We had an amazing weekend together- and somehow my feelings just fell into place... so you never know! Maybe you guys could take a weekend away together or something? There's no better way to explore your feelings for someone in a setting outside what you normal routine.
Author WIGIRL Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 that's a great idea. I fully enjoy myself with him. I've never had any type of defining moment though. Sounds intense. I suppose my biggest fear is looking back in a year or ten and regretting.
D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Well, that might be part of the problem... that you are thinking too far in advance instead of simply enjoying the moment. If you have those kind of fears, it can often get in the way of defining intimacy with someone. ;-)
Author WIGIRL Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 true enough! I suppose if I change my mind in a year, I won't be out anything more than is worth the risk, right? I'm only 25. Lots of years ahead of me
D-Lish Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I have a great deal of trouble taking risks with my heart. I think for the time being- you are having fun with this guy, find yourself content and attracted to him... nothing wrong with that. Things will either fall into place, or they won't. Perhaps it's too soon to tell at this point, and therfore worth some further exploration! Take that weekend away- assess how things progress over the holidays.
Author WIGIRL Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 i'm gone for 2 weeks over the holidays can't see progress then. ha. Thanks for your words. I will stop wondering and worrying. I enjoy him now, so I'll let it be at that for now.
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