Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Ok something really weird is going on here. My boyfriend keeps doing real strange things. First a couple months ago when we were talking about christmas presents I said that I wanted a promise ring and he said that they were really stupid and that in his mind there was "only one ring." So then he lays out a Kays Jewelers catalog for me to look at. He told me to point out anything I liked. So I started pointing out rings..not engagement rings first off but promise rings. Then I looked at the engagement rings and he asked me what the difference is between a princess and round cut, and other questions as well. So I pretty much told him the exact ring that I would want. He wasn't weird at all. Fast forward a couple days. He tells me not to get my hopes up that he is going to get me something from Kays. So I got a little pissed and asked him why the heck he had me looking through a catalog then. He just replied "I thought you'd just like to look at it, that's all." So whatever, I dropped it. So while I was working he went to get my present at the mall. When he got back he said he hid it where I couldn't find it, and he didn't program the price into Microsoft Money and he hid the reciept. So he is being very secretive, something he has never done with any present, even last Christmas when he bought me a white gold necklace. What the heck gives? What is he thinking here???? Please give me your opinions.
D-Lish Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I think when it comes to giving a ring- regardless of whether it is a promise or an actual engagement, most men want to be in the driver's seat. Perhaps he had the intention of doing it in the first place and when you asked for it specifically he felt underminded. I wouldn't worry too much about his behaviour. If he was thinking about giving you a ring, he might have wanted it to be a surprise!
Citizen Erased Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I know exactly what you are thinking it is and you need to not get your hopes up sweetie. It could be anything really, and you could get hurt if on Christmas day you open your present up and it is anything but that engagement ring.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 I think when it comes to giving a ring- regardless of whether it is a promise or an actual engagement, most men want to be in the driver's seat. Perhaps he had the intention of doing it in the first place and when you asked for it specifically he felt underminded. I wouldn't worry too much about his behaviour. If he was thinking about giving you a ring, he might have wanted it to be a surprise! Hmm, maybe. He is the surpriser type. I didn't actually really ask him flat out for a ring, promise or other, he just asked me what I'd want for Christmas and I named a few things (jewelery box, perfume, ect.) He knows I love to get jewelery as a gift, and he said that he would love to get me jewelery but there isn't "any jewelery left to give me." So innocently I just said, well there is a birthstone ring or something (I didn't actually even say a promise ring, that was his wording). And that's when he said the whole thing about the ring. So I dropped it completely, didn't even talk about it again until he layed the catelog on me a couple days ago. I'm going to be a little pissed off if he did get me something else though, and dangled that catalog like that.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 I know exactly what you are thinking it is and you need to not get your hopes up sweetie. It could be anything really, and you could get hurt if on Christmas day you open your present up and it is anything but that engagement ring. Well, I'm not in a rush to get engaged or anything..I'd love the birthstone ring I pointed out to him though! I'm just going to be a little ticked off if he did that whole catalog thing for nothing. I don't think it's an engagement ring honestly, I'm thinking more like a promise ring if anything.
Star Gazer Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I'm just going to be a little ticked off if he did that whole catalog thing for nothing. I don't think it's an engagement ring honestly, I'm thinking more like a promise ring if anything. So in other words, if you get anything other than a ring (birthstone, promise, engagement, whatever), you're going to be upset. I asked my BF about all sorts of things he wants, had him show me exact examples and whatnot. I hope he doesn't get mad when he sees I'm not getting him the exact pair of snowboard pants or new cell phone he wants!
D-Lish Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 When I got engaged to my now ex husband- it was me who brought up the idea of a ring for x-mas after being together for 4 years. When I did get the ring- it just didn't feel like a surprise to me!
Cobra_X30 Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I'm going to be a little pissed off if he did get me something else though, and dangled that catalog like that. LB, I think the catalog was about getting to know your taste... finding out what you want more than anything. You shouldnt take that as a garauntee that your getting a ring. Instead be happy that he cares to learn about your likes and dislikes!
Touche Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Laurie, you first said this: First a couple months ago when we were talking about christmas presents I said that I wanted a promise ring and he said that they were really stupid and that in his mind there was "only one ring. And then you said this: I didn't actually really ask him flat out for a ring, promise or other, So which is it? I think you need to just back off on this, Laurie. Just don't expect anything at this point. How long are you two together and how old are you? (You don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable.)
Star Gazer Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 How long are you two together and how old are you? (You don't have to answer if you don't feel comfortable.) If I'm not mistaken, they've been together 14 months and she's 24 and he's 26...?
shadowplay Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I don't want to get your hopes up, but one possibility is that he wants to surprise you so he's making you think you won't get a ring.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Wow, thanks for all the great advice guys, that's why I came to you! To answer some of your answers, Touche, I am going to be 25 in 2 weeks and he is 25 right now. We have been together like 15 months now or something like that (which I know isn't an incredibly long time). Honestly, I didn't bring up the ring. It was all kind of hypothetical when we were talking about it, I didn't say "I want you to buy me a promise ring." Yeah I did say that they are nice and hinted that I would want one, however I didn't pressure him and after he said he thought that there was "only one ring" I dropped it up until he layed this catelog on me. Cobra, I understand where you are coming from, he did probably want to get my taste in jewelry, however he set the catalog out with a card that said that he would get 25% off if he went to Kays to get the ring on a certain day (which is the day he said he went christmas shopping). So if he was thinking about getting me something else I wish he would have just gone to the store himself and looked at rings. He could have figured out my birthstone fairly easily. Guys, I'm really going to try to not be dispointed if it isn't a ring, but I wish he wouldn't have gotten my hopes up like that if he planned on getting me something else. The truth is I will like whatever he got me for Christmas. Oh, and for the record, I really don't think he's proposing, and I won't be upset if he doesnt.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 So in other words, if you get anything other than a ring (birthstone, promise, engagement, whatever), you're going to be upset. I asked my BF about all sorts of things he wants, had him show me exact examples and whatnot. I hope he doesn't get mad when he sees I'm not getting him the exact pair of snowboard pants or new cell phone he wants! Well, SG I did tell him a bunch things I would want (other than a ring) and even made him a list! So he could be getting me something else, I just wish he wouldn't have asked me about rings if he had other ideas in mind. I wouldn't have cared if he got me something else and never even mentioned a ring at all. And also, I mean this isn't like a cell phone or some item that I wanted..this is a ring symbolizing love. If he got my hopes up about like a cell phone, or jewelery box (which I can go by myself) then I wouldn't probably be as upset about the matter.
Nevermind Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Wow. You really want this ring, you don't even want us to tell you there might not be a ring after all. I really hope for your bf that he got you a ring, because I really get the impression that any other gift would make you very upset. But...I know you don't want to hear this, if you gave him a list, he has a bunch of other stuff that he could get you. The catalogue doesn't mean anything. Maybe he picked it up because of this offer, he wanted to see if there was something in there, while he was still in the decision making period. But maybe just the other day he saw the perfect dress, or a purse or whatever else was on your list and he dropped the plan of buying you a ring. So while I was working he went to get my present at the mall. When he got back he said he hid it where I couldn't find it, and he didn't program the price into Microsoft Money and he hid the reciept. So he is being very secretive, something he has never done with any present, even last Christmas when he bought me a white gold necklace. Are you checking his accounts to find out what he is giving you? And not for the first time since he took great care to find a secure hiding place? Uhm. Aren't you too old for that?
allina Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I don't understand this at all. You're both 25 and seriously considering getting engaged within one year, so why talk of a promise ring? That sounds very silly to me. What's the point of an engagement ring, especially when you're an adult who will be getting engaged shortly. I ya LB but you confuse me. One minute you're totally rational and the next minute you're all ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring
melodymatters Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Well in LB's defense I have been following her story from day one, and her guy doesn 't sound like the type of guy who would ' tease" her with catalogs, discussions of engagement rings, or using the word engaged as he was doing last month. Most males I know want to stay FAR away from any of that talk unless they are deadly serious. I also don't want you to get your hopes up, but I also feel that it IS very possible he's ring shopping ( or buying) and just wants to throw you off track so that it will be a surprise ! Just my 2 cents
maynicholas Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Most males I know want to stay FAR away from any of that talk unless they are deadly serious. I don't know about that. My ex took me ring shopping and never proposed. He even went so far as to pick one out and take me to the store to try it on.
melodymatters Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I don't know about that. My ex took me ring shopping and never proposed. He even went so far as to pick one out and take me to the store to try it on. Ew, that's rude ! I'm sorry that happened. Most guys I know never even use the " m" word, or else they are asking, not a lot of in between. can't wait to see how LB's story resolves !
maynicholas Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Yeah, well that's why he is my ex. (see an old post of mine entitled Mixed Signals if your bored) LB- Just be carefull and don't pin all of your hopes on your X-mas present (and what it may or may not mean). Your guy sounds great so far and I wish you the very best!
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Thanks for the replys everyone. I thought about this all day today, yes I hope it is a ring, actaully a birthstone ring is what I wanted. If he got me something else I'm going to try to be happy about it. Like I said I don't care about getting engaged or anything. And this behavior is VERY out of the ordinary for him. He's a good guy he wouldn't just string me along like that. I did have other things on my list, which is fine if he got me one of those cause I would love to get them! However I did want a birthstone ring from him..just something special from him, like my other jewelery. And to answer the earlier question, no I don't look in his bank accounts or anything..he was mostly saying that as a joke. This whole secretive thing has peaked my curiorisity, so something tells me it's not just any old gift. I guess I don't know what to think about this one...
Author Lauriebell82 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Well in LB's defense I have been following her story from day one, and her guy doesn 't sound like the type of guy who would ' tease" her with catalogs, discussions of engagement rings, or using the word engaged as he was doing last month. Most males I know want to stay FAR away from any of that talk unless they are deadly serious. I also don't want you to get your hopes up, but I also feel that it IS very possible he's ring shopping ( or buying) and just wants to throw you off track so that it will be a surprise ! Just my 2 cents Thanks for the support Melody. Marriage and engagement are very serious issues to my boyfriend, and he knows that I want both so I really doubt he would just toy with me like that..but who knows maybe he did get me something else!
blueskyeyes Posted December 28, 2007 Posted December 28, 2007 Wow, thanks for all the great advice guys, that's why I came to you! To answer some of your answers, Touche, I am going to be 25 in 2 weeks and he is 25 right now. We have been together like 15 months now or something like that (which I know isn't an incredibly long time). Honestly, I didn't bring up the ring. It was all kind of hypothetical when we were talking about it, I didn't say "I want you to buy me a promise ring." Yeah I did say that they are nice and hinted that I would want one, however I didn't pressure him and after he said he thought that there was "only one ring" I dropped it up until he layed this catelog on me. Cobra, I understand where you are coming from, he did probably want to get my taste in jewelry, however he set the catalog out with a card that said that he would get 25% off if he went to Kays to get the ring on a certain day (which is the day he said he went christmas shopping). So if he was thinking about getting me something else I wish he would have just gone to the store himself and looked at rings. He could have figured out my birthstone fairly easily. Guys, I'm really going to try to not be dispointed if it isn't a ring, but I wish he wouldn't have gotten my hopes up like that if he planned on getting me something else. The truth is I will like whatever he got me for Christmas. Oh, and for the record, I really don't think he's proposing, and I won't be upset if he doesnt. OK as a psychologist you have to own that he didn't get your hopes up, you did. Just like no one can MAKE you mad, you let them. You interpreted his actions to mean that but I'll conceed that many people would intrpret it that way. So psych to psych why would you be pissed over maybe just disappointed? Something to think about.... -JHB
Legend Posted December 29, 2007 Posted December 29, 2007 OK as a psychologist you have to own that he didn't get your hopes up, you did. Just like no one can MAKE you mad, you let them. You interpreted his actions to mean that but I'll conceed that many people would intrpret it that way. So psych to psych why would you be pissed over maybe just disappointed? Something to think about.... -JHB You can read the rest of the thread here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t139624/
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