I started out as the OW, but I didn't know for how long

[LKPJ]

I'm sorry that this is really long, but I need someone else's opinion...

 

I met him at work. I knew he had a GF when he started at our company. We started hanging out outside of work, but nothing physical happened for awhile. We slept together a few times and then he told me that he broke up with her. That was 8/9 months ago.

 

He moved into an apartment closer to where I live (further away from where she lived). We would spend almost all of our time together. Except when on Saturday or Sunday mornings when he would wake up early and go out to his “parents‘” house. He had a tendency to go to his “parents‘” house once a week during the week too. I would sit at my house and wait till he would call around 11PM so that I could come over again.

 

He had met my parents, my sister and her fiancé, all of my friends months earlier. We were in month 6 and I still hadn’t met his friends or his family. He always went on about how close he was to his 2 brothers, but I still never met them. On the morning of his 30th birthday he woke up and went to his parents’ house and never asked me to come. He let me take him out to dinner the night before. For my birthday a month later, he showed up 2 hours late to my birthday party and went to his aunt’s house on the day of my birthday and never saw me.

 

The week after my birthday I went to visit my sister for the weekend. He called repeaditly thinking I was cheating on him while visiting my sister. He was always really jealous. He could not stand me talking to any guys, including my ex-bf who is my best friend.

 

Towards the end of month 7 I found make-up in his medicne cabinet that was not mine. He flipped out and swore he wasn’t doing anything and that it was his sister-in-laws. About a month before I had looked at his cell phone and found “I love you” text messages from her. I never got a chance to read his responses. He swore that he didn’t answer back and that she was obsessed with him.

 

In month 8, she came to the door. She came banging on the apt. door while I was over. They argued in the hall for awhile. He confessed that he had seen her a couple of times behind my back, but that it was platonic and that’s it. I found out shortly after that that she had slept over the apartment a few times and he had taken her to the movies.

 

He would go to class on Sat. mornings and always leave his e-mail logged in. I read his e-mails. After she came to the door, I went to go visit some friends. He e-mailed her the entire weekend I was gone, begging her back, saying what a mistake he made and that he would never forget the love that they had. I found emails that he wrote to his friends saying that him and his ex were just fine and that he was just having some fun w/ me that had to stop soon.

 

He introduced me to his family after she came to the door as a way to prove that I was a part of his life. I took him back.

 

A month later, I’m still reading his e-mails and he e-mails her again. He begs her to see him, she refuses. I e-mail her to see what actually is going. She said that she hadn’t seen him since the weekend that I went away after she came to the door. Turns out they took a weekend getaway to Maine while I thought he was backpacking w/ a friend. The weekend I visited my sister, he took her to the vineyards and they spent the weekend there. They never broke up. They would get into fights, but never broke up. They still saw each other. Though they never saw each other as much as him and I did.

 

They’re supposedly over now, but only because she broke up with him. He never broke up with her. I had moved in with him by that point though. After I received the e-mail from her, I moved out.

 

That was about a month ago and I can’t let go. I keep seeing him, I keep trying to pretend that I can forgive him and all I do is get mad, yell at him and run out.

 

I don’t know what to do. He keeps swearing that it’s over, and that I’m who he really loves. I’m the one that he spent all of his time with. He said that he just didn’t know how to end it with her and that he didn’t want to hurt her by breaking up with her. He said he has no excuse as to why he took her away that weekend to the vineyards.

 

I don’t know what to do. I need to make a decision because I’m just tearing myself apart.

 

He was in two emotionally involved relationships. How am I supposed to deal with this? I’m in love with him.

[whichwayisup]

HE never really ended it with her...He has been lying to you. And to her.

 

The guy, as much as you like how he makes you feel, isn't worthy of your time. I hope you really think about what it is that you "love" about him. Re-read your post afew times, put yourself in her shoes and imagine that was you. Alot of pain, right? He more than likely never broke up with her, let alone tell her about you. He has been selfishly having two women.

 

Well, the way you are feeling now, will only get worse if you stay with him. This relationship isn't a healthy one and he has ruined any real honesty and trust.

[LKPJ]

After her e-mail back to me, I apologized to her. I felt horrible. They were together for 5 years.

 

He won't stop calling and messaging me. I finally told him that I couldn't see him for a few days, but he said that he couldn't agree to not talking. We work together, so cutting of all contact is impossible.

 

When I'm with him now, it feels like an emotional rollercoaster. I wish it could go back to the way it was before. I was so happy with him. But now I can't stop thinking about him thinking about her. I thought everything was over and we were moving on after she came to the apt. door. But then he tried contacting her again a month later.

 

I feel like he's just so selfish. Even now, all he can talk about is how me not being with him is making him so sad and that I have to forgive him so I can come back to him.

 

I miss the feeling I have when I'm with him. He says he would never do this again, that it will just be me and him in the future. How do I believe that? I can't tell if this is just him being afraid of being alone b/c he now lost both of us.

[whichwayisup]

This is ALL his doing since he wasn't honest from day one. He led you to believe that they were over, when infact they weren't.

 

I know you miss him and miss how he made you feel, but due to the circumstances, he was WRONG and very selfish to get involved with you while still seeing his girlfriend of 5 years. Seems to me, he was having the best of two worlds and it caught up to him.

 

He does need to be alone, so don't let him suck you back in. Besides, could you fully trust him 100%? My guess is no.

 

Don't talk to him at work, only about professional things, no personal conversations about you and him or anything else. Avoid him at all costs, only answer emails from him that are work related.

[Crestfallen_KH]

If he truly loved and cared about you, he would:

 

1. Tell you the truth - all the time.

 

2. Respect your decision about the relationship being over.

 

3. Been considerate of your feelings and the hurt he's caused (and wouldn't have done this in the first place.)

 

This guy only loves and cares about himself, because he has:

 

1. Lied to preserve two relationships because of the way they make him feel despite the hurt and pain it casues the two women involved.

 

2. Not respected your decision to end the relationship and in fact keeps badgering you to come back.

 

3. Been inconsiderate of your feelings and is only focused on the hurt HE feels.

 

If you get back together with this guy, NOTHING will change. He needs time and space to grow and learn from this experience - assuming he is even capable of it.

 

When people show you who they are, believe them. Look at the actions, and ignore the pretty words.

[imstunned]

I just had to reply to your post. . .I'm so sorry for what you are going through, but please please do not take this man back.

 

I discovered a couple of months or so ago the sinlge man I had been seeing for 8 months was married with 2 children. Far from being his only woman I found I was the other woman. I have been posting on LS since my devestating discovery and its been hellish - I fell in love, but there can be no going back (he threw me under the bus anyway when the wife found out).

 

How could you take this man back after all those lies. He was having the pair of you, sleeping with you both, and lying through his teeth about it. What a selfish pr*ck!! Dont you think you deserve better than that?? Dont get me wrong, I know how hard it is, I was floored by my ex - didnt think I would ever find that I had with him again, he chemistry was out of this world!! But I hope I dont find what we had again as now I can see that it was all based on lies!!!

 

What type of real relationship could you have with somebody who is capable of looking you in the eye and lying to you for such a long time?? I doubt you could ever trust him!

 

Be strong - post on here - stay the hell away from him!! Easier said than done I know. . .but try. . .and one day you'll find that you just may be able to do it.

[LKPJ]

imstunned- I’ve started reading through a bunch of your posts and people’s responses. Honestly, they help a lot.

 

I keep wrestling with the idea of who was the more important one. Was it me or her? He did spend like 90% of his time with me, but that’s also because we work together. I was more convenient and apparently from what he told me, more sexual.

 

If he had at least broken up with her, it would have looked like he cared even a little bit on his part. His begging and pleading is just so late. He had every opportunity to breakup with her in order to save our relationship if he actually wanted to keep us together. Each time I found something new he would just get angry with me even though he saw how hurt I was.

 

I need to let go of the idea of who I thought he was. I loved him, I got along with him better than anyone else, but he betrayed me. Every day was a lie. The person that I thought he was wouldn’t have been capable of doing that to me, or her.

 

But while I sit here and type out what seems to be the obvious, I can’t stop talking to him. I can’t stop running back to his apartment, though sometimes I stop by unexpectedly just hoping to catch him doing something stupid again. As if one more thing will give me the push out the door.

 

I wish he was the man that I fell in love with.

[LKPJ]

this is the message he sent me before he left work today because i said i didn't want to see him after work:

 

im leaving please call me. I love you, have a great workout and SMILE....i am ALWAYs thinking of you!!!!

I admitted that what i did was shi***y, I did call you when i was with her because i was always thinking of you. I'm telling you the truth that if you forgive me, i will be 100% honest and loyal from this day foward. please try to find it in your heart to forgive me....i will give 100% effort to make you happy for the rest of your life! what i did was f****ed up, cowardly, etc. BUT every moment i was with you, i treated you like a princess cause i wanted you to love me and I DO LOVE YOU. I made a GIGANTIC mistake...but i don't want to pay forever. Please try to forgive me...and please call me cause i really want to hear that adorable accent. now i'm really leaving, please call me...it means the world to me to hear your voice. bye my love

[imstunned]

imstunned- I’ve started reading through a bunch of your posts and people’s responses. Honestly, they help a lot.

 

I keep wrestling with the idea of who was the more important one. Was it me or her? He did spend like 90% of his time with me, but that’s also because we work together. I was more convenient and apparently from what he told me, more sexual.

 

If he had at least broken up with her, it would have looked like he cared even a little bit on his part. His begging and pleading is just so late. He had every opportunity to breakup with her in order to save our relationship if he actually wanted to keep us together. Each time I found something new he would just get angry with me even though he saw how hurt I was.

 

I need to let go of the idea of who I thought he was. I loved him, I got along with him better than anyone else, but he betrayed me. Every day was a lie. The person that I thought he was wouldn’t have been capable of doing that to me, or her.

 

But while I sit here and type out what seems to be the obvious, I can’t stop talking to him. I can’t stop running back to his apartment, though sometimes I stop by unexpectedly just hoping to catch him doing something stupid again. As if one more thing will give me the push out the door.

 

I wish he was the man that I fell in love with.

 

One of the hardest things that I have found through my whole experience is letting go of the man I thought he was, and the man I feel in love with. I hear myself in your words when you say that the person that you thought he was wouldnt be capable of doing what he did to either of you - hold on to that thought to help you in the days ahead.

 

Dealing with such a betrayal and so many lies is not easy. My ex lied about his name, where he lived, what he did, said he was single, and on it goes. . .At first I questioned if my ex even liked me - now I know that of course he did. Then I questioned loads of other stuff, and still I go arond and around in circles, with no answers. I would think you will do the same.

 

Dont expect to get the answers from him. I got some from my ex a few weeks ago on the phone. Problem is I didnt believe a word he said. Not one word of it. Seing how this man has lied to you you may find that you feel the same should he ever give you the answers you may think that you want.

 

Just remember he isnt the man you thought he was. Its hard. I still am no way near there with that one. I cant get my head around it. It takes time. A lot of time. Keep posting here, and if it helps keep trawling through my old posts - I got great advice even though it more often than not brought me to tears and still does.

 

You will get great strength from LS.

[imstunned]

this is the message he sent me before he left work today because i said i didn't want to see him after work:

 

im leaving please call me. I love you, have a great workout and SMILE....i am ALWAYs thinking of you!!!!

I admitted that what i did was shi***y, I did call you when i was with her because i was always thinking of you. I'm telling you the truth that if you forgive me, i will be 100% honest and loyal from this day foward. please try to find it in your heart to forgive me....i will give 100% effort to make you happy for the rest of your life! what i did was f****ed up, cowardly, etc. BUT every moment i was with you, i treated you like a princess cause i wanted you to love me and I DO LOVE YOU. I made a GIGANTIC mistake...but i don't want to pay forever. Please try to forgive me...and please call me cause i really want to hear that adorable accent. now i'm really leaving, please call me...it means the world to me to hear your voice. bye my love

 

I was positng as you did. Just want to make one comment about what he said. You dont lie to people you love. If he was ALWAYS thinking of you when he was with her then why was he with her. Why didnt he leave her to be with you and only you? He sounds very smooth. I suspect he thinks you will forgive him. Otherwise he would be making quite a fool of himself with all that he has said. He is confident you will fogive with a little wooing on his part. Dont fall for it.

[Crestfallen_KH]

That text is self-serving garbage.

 

Basically it follows the line of "Yes, yes, I screwed up and was a jerk BUT I want you to ignore all of that and trust me by my words, not my actions."

 

See how many qualifying statements he puts in there? See how many "buts" there are? He is absolutely trying to minimize the impact his actions have because he DOESN'T GET IT. He's probably feeding the same line to his other ex.

 

What is a promise? It's a way to get someone who doesn't believe you to believe you. While he doesn't explicitly write, "I won't do it again, I PROMISE," that's the gist of his message. People who are trying to manipulate you say it because they know you have doubt, and rightfully so.

 

Try and take a look at his words in the following context:

 

- "Do what I tell you, and I won't hurt you, I PROMISE."

- "Sorry that I ran into you with my car. Please don't call the cops, I'll pay for the damage I caused, I PROMISE."

- "I didn't mean to hit you...it won't happen again, baby, I PROMISE."

 

You see what I mean? People who utter these phrases are trying to manipulate their victims into compliance for their own personal gain or to fulfill their own wants and desires.

 

Also, he didn't make a mistake. A mistake is transposing two numbers on a tax form. There was no intent, it was just an oversight.

 

Stringing along two women for months isn't "just an oversight," it is a conscious, selfish choice.

 

I get the feeling you lack the will and self-love to extricate yourself from this guy. Just know that you if stay with him, you're willingly choosing to play the victim.

[JustBreathe]

"im leaving please call me. I love you, have a great workout and SMILE....i am ALWAYs thinking of you!!!!

I admitted that what i did was shi***y, I did call you when i was with her because i was always thinking of you. I'm telling you the truth that if you forgive me, i will be 100% honest and loyal from this day foward. please try to find it in your heart to forgive me....i will give 100% effort to make you happy for the rest of your life! what i did was f****ed up, cowardly, etc. BUT every moment i was with you, i treated you like a princess cause i wanted you to love me and I DO LOVE YOU. I made a GIGANTIC mistake...but i don't want to pay forever. Please try to forgive me...and please call me cause i really want to hear that adorable accent. now i'm really leaving, please call me...it means the world to me to hear your voice. bye my love"

 

Go back and read this message again... how many times does he say "I" or "me".. Who's he concerned about? You or himself?

[LKPJ]

Also, he didn't make a mistake. A mistake is transposing two numbers on a tax form. There was no intent, it was just an oversight.

 

Stringing along two women for months isn't "just an oversight," it is a conscious, selfish choice.

 

 

I couldn't like that quote more...

 

I know the best thing would be to move on...I just don't know why it's so hard. When I talk/think/write about it, I see how I really have only one option, but I just can't seem to go through with it.

 

I did the 'victim' thing before. I stayed in a 4 year relationship where I was walked all over, but he never never did this. In my last breakup we had NC for 3 months...but it wasn't my choice. He left me and broke off all contact despite me trying to reach out to him again and again. I've discussed this with him too (since him and I are on very good terms now), and he even said, "I was selfish and immature in our relationship, but I would never do that to you."

 

I know how I felt with my previous BF, I think I need to keep that in mind. If I continue this, I'm just keeping myself down.

[Crestfallen_KH]

It's hard, no doubt about it. We've all been there, in one form or another.

 

For instance, I allowed my husband to convince me that he just wanted to be single - that he may or may not date the married co-worker he had fallen for. Well, as soon as I moved out, guess where he moved TO?

 

When you love someone, it's unrealistic to be able to turn trust and feelings off, like a light switch. It's a gradual process. One day, you'll be at the point where you can't BELIEVE you ever trusted him, but it's too soon to be there now. But, you have to think with your head, not your heart. Your head doesn't lead you down dangerous paths, you know?

 

Do the best you can, and demand the best for yourself. You are worth it.

[LKPJ]

I just got off the phone with him. He denied the fact she dumped him. He kept saying that their relationship just ended. I couldn't believe it. I just kept saying over and over, "she left you, she dumped you, what don't you get?" He just couldn't handle it. He finally admitted that she found out about me and she left him. He admitted that if she hadn't found out about me, they wouldn't have broken up because he wouldn't have left her. HE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM CONTINUING THE 2 RELATIONSHIPS.

 

he disgusts me.

 

i let him know that.

 

The real test is how long he'll keep up NC with me seeing as we are officially over.

 

But again, thank you for answering my posts. I sat here reading other posts for weeks before I posted my own. Even in the past 24 hours, you couldn't imagine the strength that I have gained from LS.

[norajane]

this is the message he sent me before he left work today because i said i didn't want to see him after work:

 

im leaving please call me. I love you, have a great workout and SMILE....i am ALWAYs thinking of you!!!!

I admitted that what i did was shi***y, I did call you when i was with her because i was always thinking of you. I'm telling you the truth that if you forgive me, i will be 100% honest and loyal from this day foward. please try to find it in your heart to forgive me....i will give 100% effort to make you happy for the rest of your life! what i did was f****ed up, cowardly, etc. BUT every moment i was with you, i treated you like a princess cause i wanted you to love me and I DO LOVE YOU. I made a GIGANTIC mistake...but i don't want to pay forever. Please try to forgive me...and please call me cause i really want to hear that adorable accent. now i'm really leaving, please call me...it means the world to me to hear your voice. bye my love

 

Uh huh. And did that message sound anything like his emails to his other girlfriend?

 

He e-mailed her the entire weekend I was gone, begging her back, saying what a mistake he made and that he would never forget the love that they had. I found emails that he wrote to his friends saying that him and his ex were just fine and that he was just having some fun w/ me that had to stop soon.

[whichwayisup]

I am so glad that the lights have gone on around you and now you can see this guy for what he is. A lying cheating scumbag!

 

Remember this feeling and grow from it. Don't ever allow him into your heart, let alone your life.

[norajane]

I just got off the phone with him. He denied the fact she dumped him. He kept saying that their relationship just ended. I couldn't believe it. I just kept saying over and over, "she left you, she dumped you, what don't you get?" He just couldn't handle it. He finally admitted that she found out about me and she left him. He admitted that if she hadn't found out about me, they wouldn't have broken up because he wouldn't have left her. HE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM CONTINUING THE 2 RELATIONSHIPS.

 

he disgusts me.

 

i let him know that.

 

The real test is how long he'll keep up NC with me seeing as we are officially over.

 

But again, thank you for answering my posts. I sat here reading other posts for weeks before I posted my own. Even in the past 24 hours, you couldn't imagine the strength that I have gained from LS.

 

Good for you for forcing this self-entitled assh*le to admit what an ass he is. Now you have no reason to doubt that you are doing the BEST thing in dumping him and never looking back.

 

No matter how long I am on LS, I am always surprised at how many people think they deserve to have two men/women in their lives as long as they can maintain the lies and deception and cheating.

 

Does no one teach their kids about integrity anymore? Does no one teach people that being able to get away with it doesn't make it ok to cheat on someone?!

[lunaloki]

"....what i did was f****ed up, cowardly, etc. BUT..."

 

the first thing that i noticed about his message was the "etc." that is just so lame. says a lot. i'm a jerk, etc.

 

and directly followed by the "BUT" in all caps...

 

be strong!!! sit back and enjoy his wallowing. be true to yourself

[imstunned]

I just got off the phone with him. He denied the fact she dumped him. He kept saying that their relationship just ended. I couldn't believe it. I just kept saying over and over, "she left you, she dumped you, what don't you get?" He just couldn't handle it. He finally admitted that she found out about me and she left him. He admitted that if she hadn't found out about me, they wouldn't have broken up because he wouldn't have left her. HE WOULD HAVE NO PROBLEM CONTINUING THE 2 RELATIONSHIPS.

 

he disgusts me.

 

 

When I spoke to my exmm a few weeks ago I asked him what would have happened had his wife not found out about me - I asked him if he would have called things off with me. He said no - I would have wanted to keep seeing you, and then something about it being unfortunate about how it all went down, i.e that his wife busted him. I was happy to hear him say that, and I still need to remember that when I get upset.

 

You are doing really really well if hearing him finally admit he would have kept the two of you going disgusts you - I'm still not really there on that one!! Wish I was. . .you seem to be seeing him as he really is, and not the man who you thought he was- which is really fantastic. This wil help you keep NC.

 

it wont be easy, its a bumpy road, and for me its a suprisingly long one, I cant quite believe how long its taking me to get past all that my ex did!

 

I wish you a very speedy recovery from this very selfish man!

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

I keep wrestling with the idea of who was the more important one. Was it me or her?

The 'important' one was whoever was serving this selfish a*sshole at the TIME. I'm sure that switched, depending on what he was getting from whom. Lying scumbag.

 

He lied from Day ONE. Who cares who was more important? Who cares who was more sexual, or more loving, or a better cook, or more compatible, or ANY of that? It's all NEGATED by his lying scumbag WAYS.

 

I need to let go of the idea of who I thought he was.

Amen to THAT. The guy was scum from day ONE. He was never who you thought he was. Good people don't LIE, they don't USE, and they don't TRICK other people for their own selfish gain.

 

But while I sit here and type out what seems to be the obvious, I can’t stop talking to him. I can’t stop running back to his apartment, though sometimes I stop by unexpectedly just hoping to catch him doing something stupid again.

I don't know - maybe you need to be kicked in the head by this utter a*sshole 75 MORE times before you finally decide your pride and self esteem are worth more than allowing some scumbag to take it from you.

 

Like I've said in other posts - when does one cease to be a victim and become a volunteer?

[LKPJ]

apparently NC means nothing to him.

 

still the 'good morning honey i love you' text messages

 

he even asked me to pick him up starbucks on the way to work.

 

"i'm sorry, i didn't want to hurt you...but the only person who can do the forgiving is you." Thats the IM I got while at work.

 

He doesn't get it. He won't stop. He refuses to truly admit what he's done and the impact his actions have. His behavior now is just adding fuel to the fire.

 

He called all night long. I need to block his number. Not only am I have problems sleeping because of the mental stress of this all, now I keep getting woken up.

 

The ridiculous thing is though, is that I honestly think if it wasn't for other people pointing out how out of line his behavior has been and is still, I'd probably be eating it up.

[hippiechick]

apparently NC means nothing to him.

 

still the 'good morning honey i love you' text messages

 

he even asked me to pick him up starbucks on the way to work.

 

"i'm sorry, i didn't want to hurt you...but the only person who can do the forgiving is you." Thats the IM I got while at work.

 

He doesn't get it. He won't stop. He refuses to truly admit what he's done and the impact his actions have. His behavior now is just adding fuel to the fire.

 

He called all night long. I need to block his number. Not only am I have problems sleeping because of the mental stress of this all, now I keep getting woken up.

 

The ridiculous thing is though, is that I honestly think if it wasn't for other people pointing out how out of line his behavior has been and is still, I'd probably be eating it up.

 

What keeps crossing my mind through all the posts I've read is this. His other girl is probably getting duplicate messages, calls and texts that are just like the ones he is giving you. To see who will run back to him.

 

This guy doesn't LOVE anything but himself, like others have said. It sucks that you can't get totally away from him, being that you work together.

 

Just remember the guy you thought he was was a total LIE. You were in love with a fantasy that wasn't real. He continually weaved this web of lies and caught 2 women in it.

[Crestfallen_KH]

I'm sorry he's doing this. But, these guys all follow the same script. Here is what I predict will happen next.

 

If you continue to ignore his communication, he will stop being so apologetic and loving, and will turn cold and angry. In his communication he will stop saying "I"m sorry" and "Please forgive me." Instead, he will begin saying things that are meant to come across as a challenge to you, in the hopes it will bait you into a response so that he knows he still maintains control over you and your relationship.

 

He'll start saying things like "Well, apparently I was wrong - your feelings for me must have never ran that deep," or "I guess you aren't the loving, wonderful person I thought you were," etc. He may start saying that, because you are ignoring him, maybe he WILL start seeing if he can get back together with his other girlfriend.

 

These may not be his exact words, but I predict he'll issue you some sort of "challenge" that will be hard for you to ignore, but you must. You must take control of this relationship and do what's best for yourself, not for him.

 

And no, he will continue to ignore your request for NC. He'll keep contacting you for some time because it's what he wants, and his wants are more important to him.

[LKPJ]

He'll start saying things like "Well, apparently I was wrong - your feelings for me must have never ran that deep," or "I guess you aren't the loving, wonderful person I thought you were," etc. He may start saying that, because you are ignoring him.

 

hahah...maybe 30 mins after I read this today at work, the "why are you being so mean" im's started. Since we left work today, it's been "I can't believe you're giving up on us."

 

YOUR POST COULDN'T HAVE COME AT A BETTER TIME! I honestly probably would have felt bad if I hadn't read that first.

 

INSTEAD OF TALKING TO HIM:

 

I (unnecessarily but i thought it was proving a point to myself) extended my gym contract and then proceeded to sign up for personal training sessions for the new year.

 

I have no confidence, I feel beat down...and on top of it all I'm not happy with my physical appearance. Him and I spent many a night on the couch with hawaiian pizza. I need to get myself up and moving! and release some steam!