stepheine Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 When most guys break up with a person do they give honest reasons as to why or do they lie b/c they are cowards or they want to let the girl down easily?
Ronni_W Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 I think they give whatever reason they HOPE will inspire the girl to move on with her life and not turn into a psycho-stalker who keeps calling, emailing, texting, etc., etc. To be honest, I'd do the same when breaking up with a guy
brothermartin Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 I think it depends on the girl for the most part. A guy will lie to a girl to try and soften the blow of a dumping, but from what I've heard, most guys lie even if the girl could handle the truth.
oppath Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 From my experience, the woman is more likely to lie. But that's because I do not lie. I'm very clear: "my feelings aren't progressing like I would like and you deserve. I take that to mean we aren't right for each other. Any list of reasons would mostly be excuses to justify it and I'm sure months down the line I'd realize they were just excuses. I do like you and care about you, I just don't feel there is enough here to continue the relationship. It's a feeling in my gut, so I need to let you go so you can heal and move on and find the person who can give you the relationship you deserve. I am sorry but I don't feel I am that person." Then I get slapped and they say "why can't you just say 'it's not you, it's me." But always, a couple weeks or months later, they reveal "thanks for being so honest with me. It really helped me heal and move on because I wasn't left wondering what if and it helped me conclude we weren't right for each other. I appreciate you not giving me mixed messages." That's the short and clinical version. It's not that simple in reality. But I love it when women treat me like that...as long as if the relationship had some duration, they explained their needs to me and gave me the chance to meet them. But often, relationships just end because the feeling is gone. If there is not some big reason, I want to be told "my feelings have changed."
flosslight Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 It depends on the person not the gender. Some people are going to be mature enough to know exactly why they are breaking up with the person and then be able to express those reasons to the other person. Some people are not mature enough to know that the truth works best for the other person.
oppath Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 Some people are not mature enough to know that the truth works best for the other person. Exactly. Sometimes the truth hurts MORE initially, but after that pain you feel respected. Sugar coated honesty is my policy, also because sometimes reasons really are just excuses you use to justifiy ending a relationship because your feelings have changed (for no specific reason). I'm not going to list character flaws I dislike unless I feel I've been treated poorly. But when I end relationships, I make it clear "this is not working, I don't feel it will ever work, our relationship is over." Granted, I have not ended a multiyear relationship, only ones of several weeks/months, but in those situations, I've always been thanked down the line for being cruel to be kind and not giving mixed messages. At least it's
LakesideDream Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 My experiance. I only "broke up" with one woman after my marriage dissolved. Mostly when dating relationships ended, they just faded. The woman I dated for about 6 months I actually broke up with. Had the talk. Our dating relationship was OK. She was 45 (I was 52) it was over 5 years ago. She had 2 children one a 9 year old girl that lived at home. She began to get serious so I had to really weigh the situation. I realized that while I enjoyed her company and being with her generally, I wasn't ready fo marriage, and I wasn't interested in being a "step". I raised two kids and wasn't ready to jump in again (or ever actually). More important I hadn't "fallen in love" with her. When pressured, I made a decision. When I gave her the I'm not ready speech, including a half assed I'm not sure I could be a good step speech, she freaked. Made a scene, Gave me the "you just led me on" scream and left the situation very tense. I hadn't realize she wanted to be married in a big way (would have been her third). Six weeks later she was engaged, 2 more months married to a guy she met on the internet. I thought we were dating. She had other unspoken ideas. Since then when dating and I realized that the woman wasn't "ringing my bells and making me crazy" after 3-4 dates, I let it fade away. No hard feelings. After my marriage experiances, I may never willingly get into a situation again where a "big blowup" might occur.
Tempest Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Hi I agree with flosslight. I think most people will try to soften the blow and if that means being economical with the truth, they will do just that. Dumping someone is not pleasant. Anyway, is the real reason not almost always: 'I just don't fancy you enough (anymore)? Tempest
stillafool Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 I think a lot of people will lie or sugar coat the truth: For guys: Because women can become too emotional. They don't want to deal with those emotions so they try to let you go by no contact and lies. For women: Because men sometimes become violent. Women don't want to put themselves at risk so they try to let you go by sugar coating it and telling lies. Very few people have the skills to break up honestly.
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