shaynej76 Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Well this is the 3rd thread iv'e now posted and i'm hardly getting any response! Well my fiance of 4 years decided to sleep with another man 5 days after we separated! We had a bad split I yelled at her dad for letting her use them ! I shouldn't of done that then I accidently broke her car window trying to put a large flower pot in the trunk! Happened soon after I yelled at her dad! Well the next day she feels sorry and says she loves me and wants to make things better!We have a 7 month old baby too. Well we started counseling and I have forgiven her to make our family work out. Therapist said to give us 90 days apart and fix our charecter defects and learn what eachother wants. I ont know if her parents want us together because she always went to them after the littlest fight! And this whole window deal!Its frickn replaceable. Well she says she will come home for sure after 90 days and maybe before. Well I cant hardly take it and I worry all the time if she will! So my question is to you all,what signs do i need to see for myself to get more clarity! Will she come home or is she blown smoke? I thjink shes serious but she did lie and cheat. So please leave me some feedback even if its veryshort I need your nhelp!!!
Ronni_W Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Did the therapist really say "character defects" or was it more specific, like "anger management"? The former means you need a new therapist. The latter, that you need to acknowledge there is a specific problem and not try to generalize it out of existence. I don't think it was in her OWN best interest to sleep with some guy so soon, but you were separated at the time so stop being all huffy about that -- it won't help if you want to keep going back to blaming ("you lied and cheated") instead of working out what you want individually, and how/if you can support each other in that. There are some excellent resources at marriagebuilder.com, to find out what people need and want from their primary relationships. Also, it may be more productive for the two of you figure out a suitable period (if any) to be apart. 90 days just seems like an arbitrary number. Why not 85 or 112??? That part doesn't make sense unless the three of you arrived at 90 days collaboratively. But if she says she wants 90 days (or whatever), then respect that and do not push for something different. It is an unknown whether she will or won't come back -- she may not even be really sure herself, right now. Spend the time on stuff that is within your control -- learning more about you, your role in the breakdown of the relationship, etc. -- instead of over-thinking stuff you have no control over.
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