marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 You mean you'd meet a guy off the internet once you reached a level of comfort or rapport (or attraction to his personality), but you'd refuse to send him a photo before actually meeting? No, I mean this: If he is articulate, intelligent, courteous and sounds interesting ,then, I will request that we talk over the phone a few times (there is a lot to be said about inflection and tone in a person's voice). If by that time, all systems are go, I will ask to exchange pictures. If we like what we both see, then, I will ask to meet him in a public place for a coffee and take it from there. This is how I usually do it NOW. When I first signed up to a dating site, I was very green and did not know how to go about handling this new way of connecting with people. Often, I would meet up with men practically right away if I thought that they met my requirements. Yes, some were not so fair in face but it didn't really matter,I knew they were interesting at least and good conversationlists. So, I would have a pleasant evening with them and if the chemistry wasn't there, I would be up front about it. I expected the same from them. Some I never saw, some became friends and ONE I unfortunately fell for!!!! But that's another story. What I am trying to say is a person needn't be Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie just to have a drink with!!! We have drinks with friends who are not star material all the time. So why the fuss? The reason I am more selective now is that the whole internet thing sort of blew my a fuse in me. I just don't have the energy right now to do all that weeding out! Nor do I want to. I guess the novelty wore off in a way. Marlena
Krytie TV Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Like I said, was twisted over the pic/physical attraction thing yesterday, so I had my fun f*cking with this shallow guy......sorry! Don't be sorry. If anything, it might be your loss. I'm sorry you feel that guys who don't like to date large women are bad people. Are you saying you don't have physical deal-breakers?
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Going on dates does not mean you are "dating." But meet them. Exactly the way I see it. It's just meeting some one, that's all! And yes, if he keeps postponing that date, I will blow him off. I don't need a pen pal.... I have plenty here on LS!
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 LOL. I'm with ya, babe. No fat dudes, no short dudes, and no broke-ass dudes! Call me shallow, but I also wouldn't date a guy if he had a small cock. Hilarious!!! Do you ask to know that up front as well,LOL?
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I have plenty of interesting friends who are female. I don't need more of those. Same here!! That's why I'm on moratorium from dating sites for the time being!!!
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Don't be sorry. If anything, it might be your loss. I'm sorry you feel that guys who don't like to date large women are bad people. Are you saying you don't have physical deal-breakers? I doubt very seriously if this guy might be my loss. He flat out asked me how much I weighed. So what he doesn't like large women....but being this bold is just classless...IMHO. I'm not saying anything about my potential physical deal-breakers....my whole point is you really never know until you meet someone face to face. It's like buying a house....your realtor may send you a listing with a pic....but the pic dosen't do the property justic....you still are willing to check it out and find out that it's the house of your dreams.
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I doubt very seriously if this guy might be my loss. He flat out asked me how much I weighed. So what he doesn't like large women....but being this bold is just classless...IMHO. I totally agree! all the more reason to dump him!!! He is not for you!!
tanbark813 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I totally agree! all the more reason to dump him!!! He is not for you!! He needs to be interested before she can dump him.
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 He needs to be interested before she can dump him. No doubt...he is interested...sexy voice....long conversation...not wanting to end phone call after 2 hours...suggested flying in to meet (even after I told him I weighed 275lbs...hehe).....but the deal breaker wasn't based on appearance....it was because of his tasteless comment/approach to the physical description.
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 No doubt...he is interested...sexy voice....long conversation...not wanting to end phone call after 2 hours...suggested flying in to meet (even after I told him I weighed 275lbs...hehe).....but the deal breaker wasn't based on appearance....it was because of his tasteless comment/approach to the physical description. Soooo..... How much do you weigh ?..... j/k
tanbark813 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Wasn't this the dealbreaker?: He flat out asked me how much I weighed. I replied 275lbs. Dead silence. Or are you changing the story now?
shockandawed Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I'm not saying anything about my potential physical deal-breakers....my whole point is you really never know until you meet someone face to face. It's like buying a house....your realtor may send you a listing with a pic....but the pic dosen't do the property justic....you still are willing to check it out and find out that it's the house of your dreams. Phoenix, Ok, lets use your analogy here. A realtor calls you and tells you they have a great house for you. They describe the number of bedrooms, age and general location of the property but refuse to send you any pictures. Now, would you spend the next several weeks arranging financing, shopping for carpet, curtains etc without being provided any picture or chance to see the home? In realty, that is what you are asking these guys to do. I have been online dating for quite some time and have been blatantly misled more than once. You want them to invest time and emotional energy into something that may not be what they are looking for. It's not shallow, it's the whole package. Like others have pointed out, I am sure you have physical dealbreakers as does anyone. My gut instinct if I was talking to you this long is that you are hiding something serious. It doesn't have to be physical, I chatted with a girl recently who wouldn't send a pic, she finally admitted she was married. Whatever the motives, I would suspect a gameplayer and move along. Right now, I have been chatting with a girl for a couple of months. She did send me a couple of pics and we really hit it off with our personalities and interests. I really enjoyed talking to her. But..as the weeks have worn on, she keeps putting off meeting. She keeps coming up with excuses but the end result is that we have been chatting for 2 months with no plans to meet. Although I initially was very attracted to her, my interest is dropping very rapidly. I am supsecting some sort of skeleton somewhere, maybe not, but like I said, the interest is dropping fast. The other scenario is a girl I started chatting with a few weeks ago. She seems bright, funny, etc..but keeps putting off sending a pic. Computer crashed, none on here now, etc...again, I am losing interest now. We have chatted, but for anything to develop, we have to add things, and I think it is very reasonable for someone to have an accurate impression of you before you can expect them to develop any type of feelings. Phoenix, I haven't seen any real reason why you won't share a picture with these people. Are you hiding something? I think the first guy has been more than patient to continue this for two months. And as for the second, you said you have been chatting for two weeks. Of course his curiosity is up regarding your appearance. Maybe bluntly asking you how much you weigh is a little lacking on etiquette, but I don't see anything shallow or out of line there. I am sure he has been burnt in the past and is getting a little suspicious of what you may be hiding. You said you had a wonderful conversation with him up until that point. Don't you think by quickly dismissing him over a remark is shallow in itiself?
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 He needs to be interested before she can dump him TB, Go satnd in the corner, naughty boy!!
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Wasn't this the dealbreaker?: Or are you changing the story now? Yes, this was the deal breaker....not because I replied with 275lbs....but because he asked the question....he tried to recover from my response....but it wasn't happening on my end.
marlena Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Lindya, As always, Touche (can't find that French accent aigu on my keyboard)!!
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I'm not saying anything about my potential physical deal-breakers....my whole point is you really never know until you meet someone face to face. It's like buying a house....your realtor may send you a listing with a pic....but the pic dosen't do the property justic....you still are willing to check it out and find out that it's the house of your dreams. Phoenix, Ok, lets use your analogy here. A realtor calls you and tells you they have a great house for you. They describe the number of bedrooms, age and general location of the property but refuse to send you any pictures. Now, would you spend the next several weeks arranging financing, shopping for carpet, curtains etc without being provided any picture or chance to see the home? Hmmm...my realator calls me and say this house just came on the market...too new for picture to be posted...by description it's everything I'm looking for....will I still take the time to a least look at it.....HECK YEAH....will I arrange financing, shop for carpet, curtains and the like...NO. To me same with dating....face to face evaluation of a person....not saying that I will ultimately date, marry or bare children with this person. Do I have something to hide...resounding NO. Do I have alot to lose if I let the wrong element into my life...YES. I am cautious...almost to a fault.
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Soooo..... How much do you weigh ?..... j/k Hehehe.....
Art_Critic Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Phoenix.. you are talking about a picture here... He wanted a picture you didn't give him one and then he proceeded to try and find out what you looked like by asking stupid questions.. The man is guilty of being an idiot... He most likely isn't anymore shallow than you or most of us.. he just asked the wrong questions the wrong way.. Next time just show the guy your picture.. simple really... Why anyone would think that just because online dating happens behind a keyboard that you should hide your picture ? How are you going to find someone to share your time with if you play games with your picture and you have seen theirs ?
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Editing it out.... Awww...what did I miss here?
tanbark813 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Yes, this was the deal breaker....not because I replied with 275lbs....but because he asked the question....he tried to recover from my response....but it wasn't happening on my end. Ahhhh, right.
shockandawed Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Phoenix, Ok, lets use your analogy here. A realtor calls you and tells you they have a great house for you. They describe the number of bedrooms, age and general location of the property but refuse to send you any pictures. Now, would you spend the next several weeks arranging financing, shopping for carpet, curtains etc without being provided any picture or chance to see the home? Hmmm...my realator calls me and say this house just came on the market...too new for picture to be posted...by description it's everything I'm looking for....will I still take the time to a least look at it.....HECK YEAH....will I arrange financing, shop for carpet, curtains and the like...NO. To me same with dating....face to face evaluation of a person....not saying that I will ultimately date, marry or bare children with this person. Do I have something to hide...resounding NO. Do I have alot to lose if I let the wrong element into my life...YES. I am cautious...almost to a fault. You would take the time to go look at it, but that is not what you are doing here. You are asking the realtor to keep going over to the property, help you arrange financing, etc but you are not going over to take a look. If you would chat with these guys and then initiate a quick and casual meeting at Starbucks, then fine. But you are expecting them to spend time and emotional energy on a very likely dead end. I have met teachers, public personalities, women in very small towns etc. who are not comfortable with having a picture on a profile, fine, I understand and appreciate that. All of the legitimate ones though made arrangements to get me pictures up front. Everyone who has delayed has ended up proving to me there was a reason. How does sending a picture to someone who you have been chatting with for two months let the wrong element into your life? If you want to play games with your picture and appearance, that is your business, just don't be upset when people you are interested in get tired of this and disappear or have the total "gall" to ask you basic descriptions of yourself.
Author Phoenix11 Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 You would take the time to go look at it, but that is not what you are doing here. You are asking the realtor to keep going over to the property, help you arrange financing, etc but you are not going over to take a look. If you would chat with these guys and then initiate a quick and casual meeting at Starbucks, then fine. But you are expecting them to spend time and emotional energy on a very likely dead end. I have met teachers, public personalities, women in very small towns etc. who are not comfortable with having a picture on a profile, fine, I understand and appreciate that. All of the legitimate ones though made arrangements to get me pictures up front. Everyone who has delayed has ended up proving to me there was a reason. How does sending a picture to someone who you have been chatting with for two months let the wrong element into your life? If you want to play games with your picture and appearance, that is your business, just don't be upset when people you are interested in get tired of this and disappear or have the total "gall" to ask you basic descriptions of yourself. Easy there fella...I have conceded that I will need to post a pic going forward it I ever expect to have a first date....even though it goes against my grain.... I was just having fun with the guy yesterday because asking someones weight is not an acceptable question to ask unless you have a MD after your name!
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Easy there fella...I have conceded that I will need to post a pic going forward it I ever expect to have a first date....even though it goes against my grain.... You don't have to post it from the onset, but once you've gotten to know a little bit about them, then you need to arrange to give it to them. If you are more cautious, that is fine, but honestly, by the time you get to the phone, you should be giving them your picture. It's only fair to give them all the information they need to know to make a decision. Essentially you want them to invest emotions and possibly develop feelings before you reveal everything about yourself. Some men will find that evasive at best and possibly manipulative.
oppath Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Call me shallow, but I also wouldn't date a guy if he had a small cock. And I don't want to date a woman with a cavernous vagina. No doubt...he is interested...sexy voice....long conversation...not wanting to end phone call after 2 hours...suggested flying in to meet (even after I told him I weighed 275lbs...hehe).....but the deal breaker wasn't based on appearance....it was because of his tasteless comment/approach to the physical description. While he was classless, why would he ask? Because you were being evasive about what you looked like. If a guy is considering flying into town to meet you, that's a big investment. Who would want to do that not having any idea what you look like? While lacking tact, at best he could ask "are you slender and petite or are you curvy?" I get the feeling you'd be upset at that question too and respond with "what does it matter?" I honestly think pictures should be exchanged when you give him your phone number. This will give him a more complete idea on who he is talking to, and yes, your looks are part of who you are. Body types, along with what you are doing in your pictures, tell a lot about who a person is. My interest will spike if a slender woman sends a picture of herself rock climbing or running even if the face is hard to make out. Why? Because it's living proof her lifestyle will fit with mine. Pictures do tell part of the tale.
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