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Posted

Just slightly I feel alittle worthless. Its not major, but I am getting addicted to posting here so its my form of journal. :)

 

Well so far my first and only relationship so far lasted only 3 months, yet it was really deep even though it wasn't too long. 2 months age we split, and I am doing much better for the most part.

 

The reason I feel worthless, is because I see so many cases all over about people that have been together for years and years, and I am here like only 3 months?

 

So its like I feel in a small way that am I not worth more than that? I really thought when I got into the relationship that it will last long, and I always wanted my first relationship to last long.

 

Well, I am not like terribly sad about it, just slightly down about it, or maybe its just PMS.

 

Some days I feel hot and sexy, and feel I can get any guy in the world...some days like today I feel I can't ever have a long lasting relationship because of a bit of my childishness/clinginess. Although I am trying really hard to not be as much as a person, so my next relationship I know how to deal with a guy better.

Posted

Well let's see here. First, don't base anything on other people's relationships as far as length of time. 3 months, 3 years, whatever. The point is you put yourself out there, had a relationship, and things didn't work out. Don't worry about it.

And don't put time expectations on yourself or whoever you will date next. Just keep the mind set that "If it's not long term, that's ok. No big deal." And when it is long term you can tell yourself "Good thing it didn't work out with that other guy, look what I would have missed."

And you are worth anything you wish for. If you want a long term relationship, then yes, you're totally worth it, and very much deserving. But that's not to say that something that DOESN'T last is a reason to look down upon yourself.

And about being clingy. I learned the hard way guys do NOT like clingy. To an extent they like knowing you need them, but not to the degree that if they leave for work you'll be sick in bed. ;) A bit dramatic but you get the idea. Guys just don't get into the clingy thing. So it's good that you've recognized that you were.

As far as the up and down days, with or without PMS, we as women tend to be emotional creatures. That's life, so no worries. Keep your chin high, you've no reason to do otherwise. :)

  • Author
Posted

Thanks Elven...

 

I understand what you say, and I like how you state that when it will be long term I will feel that thank God I am not with the previous guy, look what I would have missed. That I have a feeling will be true when it does happen. :)

 

And about being clingy, I learned that I was the hard was as well, that could be part of the reason we split. But now atleast I know I am, and I will be better with the next guy.

 

But since you experienced it as well, how do you now go about not being as clingy with the next guy? Because I m sure you know, that you just feel like showing you love for them in that way. How do stop yourself from doing that now?

Posted

Well the thing is that you can let a guy know how you feel without latching on too much. It's really something I came to naturally in my current relationship. Although we have problems, as all couples do, he is the first person I've never had a clingy problem with. And my last relationship was the only case I can remember being overly clingy, and I was REALLY bad. Now he would call me out on it. And if he wanted time to himself, or want to do something and it didn't involve me, I took it personally. That's one of the worst signs of being clingy. Hanging on them to much, especially in group functions, needing to have them at your side 24/7, wanting "time with the boys" and it being a huge issue. These are some examples of what I dealt with. And I came to realized I had a co-dependency issue. That I was too dependent on him always being there. With my guy now, I KNOW he knows how I feel, and I show that to him in small, suttle ways at appropriate times. Wants to do something without me? No problem, "think you'll be back by 8?" Is a common new response for me. I'm more mature now than I was in my last relationship, I also have a better connection with him on that level than before. It comes with experience, and learning how to relax and not be too needy is with maturity. Clingy/needy go hand in hand. I just realized that I wouldn't want someone to suffocate me, so why do that to someone else? So really, you just learn what they like, and don't like, what is just enough, what is too much. I just asked my hubby about being clingy, and he said I never have been, and it's so refreshing for him, because he doesn't have to worry about going to a party with me, and me being on his arm 24/7. That he can go off and talk to someone and that I'll go mingle too with whoever. Also that I have a sense of independence that he really likes. Hope that answers your question. :love:

  • Author
Posted

Hey my dear...

 

Yes it does answer my question...Thanks :)

 

If you dont mind me asking, how old are you? Because I am 18 and just 2 months ago got out my first relationship and first love. This was part of the reason, the clingyness. But my form of it was more like, I would want to see him like around 2-3 times a week, and he thought once a week was enough. We live about 30 public transit distance and neither could drive. Well, I said I love u alot according to him...or I miss you. Or feel sad when I havent been able to see him because of school and all. He would get really pissed off to a point that once when I said I missed him on the phn and said I wanted to see him, he said, ok relax ok, you don't have to be so clingy. I never really hung onto him around friends or anything. Usually was pretty normal in public.

 

I haven't experienced any other relationship, so I m not sure if this counts as a clinginess. And do you think that I will get better with age, since I am 18?

 

Thanks soo much for your help and guidance...I just can't seem to figure these things out myself and wonder that was I really that wrong in displaying my feelings towards him??

Posted

Well to start I'm 23 and married. And yes, you will find that the more relationship experience you have the more things are easier to understand about yourself. I had a two year relationship that made me realize how clingy I had been. Sometimes it takes, for all of us, an outsiders opinion to put words and clear perspective to the thoughts we already have. But to be honest, from what you've told me, it doesn't sound like you have a true case of the clinging problem. I mean, MAYBE a tiny bit, AT BEST. But missing him? Seeing him 2-3 times a week? Ok, that isn't what men I've talked to would define as clingy. My bet is his reaction is in his age. He's probably just not used to hearing those things, which are more commonly appreciated in serious commitments. But that doesn't make it wrong either, because a casual "I miss you" over the phone is harmless. I don't think you should base too much on what he's said to you. As long as you weren't repeating yourself constantly in the same 30 minute conversation, then he was just simply, dare I say it, the "dating casual" not "true relationship" type. He's just young. And you already said that you wanted something long term, so you two just weren't on the same page. When I was 18 I dated someone who was 25. I would suggest trying to stick with guys who are at least more mature and ready for things, so you know you're on the same page as them with what you want. You're just starting out, so no worries. Give it time. ;)

  • Author
Posted

I felt that too at times, that I am not actually that clingy, but a bit yes. And it was the first relationship for him too, and for us its a bit of a culture thing that we don't have that many relationships/date around a lot. Not a good or bad thing, just part of what we were both raised with. So he told me numerous times, he would love to start a family with me someday down the road and have kids and stuff. So, I dont know if it was the casual dating thing. He had never been out on a date before me and neither had I..:). Well, friends say that yes he was 20 so he was also young, and unexperienced on how to deal with a girl and same with me, so it just didnt work out. But its ok, atleast now I know for my real man how I have to act. :)

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