OWoman Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 KC Thanks for the update - I tried to pm you to ask but my broadband crashed and it didn't get through. I'm glad you're OK. Your strength is inspiring and perhaps that's what provokes the nastiness in BA? You're very brave and I hope things get easier for you now. [[hugs]]
marlena Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Best Advisor, You are anything BUT! Perhaps you should consider changing your name to Worst Advisor. Chiapet, I am terribly sorry for your loss. I hope that after all that has transpired you finally find some peace. It will take some time to heal form all this trauma but you are still very young and so many wonderful things are waiting to happen to you. Do not despair. We are all here to support you. The MM's threats should not be taken lightly, however. You need to beware for a while until things simmer down a bit. Reach out to a friend (s) that you can trust. I don't think he'll go through with his threats because his wife already knows. By the way, she is one classy lady, indeed. Usually, they go beserk on you when you threaten to tell. Still, one never knows so take heed. Marlena
GreenEyedLady Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 ((HUGS)) Glad that you are feeling confident in your decision and that you feel really positive about your conversation with the W...
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 I agree, that she showed a lot of restraint. She was definitely upset, hurt and angry, of course, but I think that because she suspected, and I was finally confirming, there was also an "I knew it!" feeling for her. I can't describe it. She kept saying that too, "I knew it." I had been struggling with wanting to talk to her for a long time. For me, having this conversation made it much easier to move on with my life...the truth is out, she told me things I didn't know, I told her things she didn't know. I think I made a typo in my first post. He had told me he was the breadwinner and he made a considerable amount more than her and he was afraid to leave lest his children be homeless. That sounded admirable. So when his wife told me she was the one with the money, I thought, ah...now this makes sense. And then on the voicemail he left me he had the nerve to tell me that now his sons weren't going to ever go to college and they'd all be homeless because of me. He can't lie to me, anymore.
marlena Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 He can't lie to me, anymore. Liberating, isn't it?
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 I never wanted to seem heartless when it came to the children. But here's another thing about the kids in college...they don't want to go. They flunked their first semester doing the typical stuff, hanging out, partying. He would talk to me about it, and I'd give him advice from this perspective, and I'd ask him to remember how he felt (he didn't go to college and regretted it, so he was pushing it on them) at that age. So after they failed he brought them closer to home to go to school, and they both skipped class for 2 weeks. After they were found out, one of them said, "I'm not going anymore. I don't want to go." He'd been telling his parents for months he didn't want to go, he wanted to learn a trade. The other one goes, when he feels like it. Sorry, I'm wordy, but my point is, how is it my fault they aren't going to college when they NEVER WANTED TO GO IN THE FIRST PLACE??? But if it helps him sleep at night, let him blame me.
kymberann Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Hi ChiaPet, What a ordeal you have been through. I am glad most of it is over. Did you initiate contact wit h the wife or did she find you. SOmeone here said that sometimes it helps to move on when you talk with the wife, and in my experience it sure did help me. I think you did what you needed to do to protect yourself and get out of the situation. People can only go through so much before getting sick and tired of it all. You will certainly grow from this and be able to help others who have been in something similar. I wish you nothing but the best! Kim
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 I initiated the contact this time. The first time she found out, she found my number in his cell phone and called me. I think this has been helpful to me too, because it just exposed clearly what kind of person he was and what kinds of lies he told, and then he stooped so low to threaten me, when he was never that brave to make any bold moves when we were together.
3rdI Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 I wish there was a way I could tell you my story which is very similar except after two miscarriages I had the child that xMM asked me to have. Making it short, there was no happy ending and I have a child that has been publicly acknowledged but not ever "fathered" by him. As the OW who told, you did the right thing. Stand firm and do not let him bully you. Change you phone number or have his number blocked. Get a restraining order. Above all, do not maintain contact with him in any manner. I know his type. He likes control and he has none at home. So he wanted to control you and could not. He is a person that will threaten...tell him talk is cheap. "Don't tell me, do it" and then let him know that you have contacted the police and will be ready for him otherwise. I obtained a carry and conceal license and I let mine know....I had no more problems after that. His personality is such that after some time he will try to come back and be quite contrite...DO NOT FALL FOR THE HEADFAKE. Stay away from him forever. Best wishes and speedy healing.
Recommended Posts