kchiapet95 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 For those of you who have been following my story: This past week has been very eventful. It is the end of a long, tumultuous chapter. Our relationship has ended in an ugly fashion. I ended up talking to the wife, and I confirmed what she already suspected. She knew where I lived, and she knew we had met at work. There were other details she was hazy on, that I confirmed for her. I told her about the pregnancy. She asked how long the relationship had carried on. She told me I could have him, that she didn't want him. She said when she found out about us in May, she threw him out. He had told me he was staying with her because she was the breadwinner, and it turns out that she is the one with the money, which explains why he wasn't leaving. She was angry, but not really angry with me. I was surprised. She asked a lot of questions, and I answered them. When she found out my age, that's when she lost it. She started calling him on his cell phone, screaming at him, saying, "I have f***ing 24 year old Kchiapet on the phone, and I want you to get your stuff and get out!" We talked for a while longer, both of us crying, and when I got off the phone w/her I had a voicemail from him. He threatened me. He said that I was a coward and I didn't have the b*lls to pick up the phone and talk to him after calling her and telling her the whole story. He said he would get even with me, and that our paths would cross again and when they did, I had better watch out. Even with all that, I am relieved that it's over and that I spoke to her. I realize it isn't always the best move to speak to the wife. But in my case it was. The truth is out there, we both know the truth now, and she doesn't feel crazy anymore because he was lying to her. And i know the truth about him as well. He went from loving me and wanting to spend more time with me to threatening me way too quickly. He never loved me. I don't think it's this way for everyone...it just happened that I picked a frog instead of a prince. I usually do that, so I can't say this is a new thing for me. I just have to make better choices in the future, and I've learned a lot from this experience.
Kasan Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 It is really good to hear that you are feeling so much better about things, and I am so sorry that you had to go through what you did to find out the truth about him.
child_of_isis Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Save the voice mail. You may have a crazy on your hands. I think you did the right thing. I actually believe some OW's could move on quicker if they were to tell the wife.
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 My parents haven't taught me to hurt others for my own agenda. I made a mistake. I accept responsibility for my actions in having an affair. And I'm not getting off scot-free, that's for sure. I've suffered, I'll continue to suffer for the rest of my life. It's not a time that I will forget. But I regret nothing...I've learned, and I will continue to learn and move forward with my life. That's all I can do.
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 COI, I did save the voicemail, but I don't think he'll hurt me...I think he was just angry and lashing out at me. Even so, I won't take any chances. He hasn't called any more.
KATANYA Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 You knew he was married when you got involved with him, right? I think you deserve much worse than what you got. I don't usually criticize anyone's posts but in this case your words to this girl are WAY too harsh! I'm not defending her actions to get involved with a married man but go back and read her story......then read the entry above! Yes she made a mistake but she has also paid dearly and had the b*lls to stand up and tell the truth to W as well as dump MM's sorry a$$ and move on..... You say she deserves worse????? OK, the guy is now threatening her safety and she's had to deal with trauma from her pregnancy ALONE.......what further would you like to see happen to her????! JMO, but I think an apology is in order here!
imstunned Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Best advisor1 - do you just trawl through posts to have a go at other women? What is your issue?? kchiapet95 - that sounds like a really really hard conversation. Your MM is loosing the plot and getting nagry as he has now lost control of the situation. Dont let him scare you - but just in case keep a note of any thing else he does to threaten you or intimidate you. I hope that you are okay. x
silktricks Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I agree with Katanya, BestAdvisor is neither (IMO) a good or kind advisor is this is the type of advise he/she gives.... Anyway, kchiapet, I wish you well in your future. Although you are in pain now, you will not suffer for the rest of your life. At some point, you will look back on everything that happened and see it as only a distant unpleasant memory. Of course, that won't happen until it's far enough back in your life's rearview mirror. In the meantime, know that just because you've made some mistakes, those mistakes don't define you. It's what you do with the lessons that define you. If you never made mistakes you'd never have a chance to grow. Take care.
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 I'm fine. Honestly, I just wish I had talked to her a long time ago...it would've saved me some heartache. He completely lost control of the situation...when we talked to each other, the complete story came out. It was a hard conversation, but it helped me not have to look back...and as for her, I was shocked at how much she suspected. She knew more about me than I anticipated. I know she isn't stupid, but...it's hard to explain. I think he's angry and desperate, but desperation makes you do crazy things, so I'll be as careful as I can.
stampdaddy Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 My parents haven't taught me to hurt others for my own agenda. I made a mistake. I accept responsibility for my actions in having an affair. And I'm not getting off scot-free, that's for sure. I've suffered, I'll continue to suffer for the rest of my life. It's not a time that I will forget. But I regret nothing...I've learned, and I will continue to learn and move forward with my life. That's all I can do. You mentioned that you were pregnant?
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 SD, that's in my old posts. If you look back through my posts, you will see the story. I don't feel like rehashing right here though...sorry.
stampdaddy Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 SD, that's in my old posts. If you look back through my posts, you will see the story. I don't feel like rehashing right here though...sorry. I tried looking but I think the system is down.. I'll try again... Hope youre OK...
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 Ugh, I tried to send a PM, but they are not enabled. I lost the baby when I was 11 weeks pregnant...and he lives in another state and couldn't really be there. Also in conversations, he said some insensitive things about it. I don't really want to go into it.
stampdaddy Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Ugh, I tried to send a PM, but they are not enabled. I lost the baby when I was 11 weeks pregnant...and he lives in another state and couldn't really be there. Also in conversations, he said some insensitive things about it. I don't really want to go into it. Im very sorry to hear that sweetie... Best Advisor, stick it!
BestAdvisor1 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Sorry, I just don't have much sympathy for someone who knowingly got invovled with a married man and didn't even bother to use birth control or protection. An abused 16 year old girl who's not clear about what she's doing, maybe, but not a 24 year old from a decent home. Mom and dad should be proud.
Tomcat33 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Sorry, I just don't have much sympathy for someone who knowingly got invovled with a married man and didn't even bother to use birth control or protection. An abused 16 year old girl who's not clear about what she's doing, maybe, but not a 24 year old from a decent home. Mom and dad should be proud. Why do you bother coming in here to post? WE GET IT, you have problems with what is discussed here...so don't come here then. Problem solved! You add absolutely nothing to the discussion or the problem the poster wishes to discuss.
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 She knows she's made some bad choices and having you shove her nose in the sh*t isn't helping. This woman lost a baby recently so just lighten up already! You have every right to feel the way you do, but you do have a choice on whether or not you make someone feel even worse than they already do.
Kasan Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Sorry, I just don't have much sympathy for someone who knowingly got invovled with a married man and didn't even bother to use birth control or protection. An abused 16 year old girl who's not clear about what she's doing, maybe, but not a 24 year old from a decent home. Mom and dad should be proud. So much anger....I don't think that she was asking for sympathy when she gave us an update on her situation. She was simply letting us know how she was. I for one, am glad that she updated, as I was concerned about her. Did she make a great decision to become involved with a MM? Probably not, but she has paid a heavy price for this choice, and deserves our support.
NoIDidn't Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Kchia I am glad that you are all the way out of it now. This guy abandoned you when you were pregnant, married or not, that's despicable. I don't advocate speaking to the W in instances where it doesn't seem that she suspects anything, but she did and you made a good decision to talk to her. He's just mad he is about to lose his gravy train. Idiot. Not to be insulting about your age, but that is usually one of the main reasons a MM gets kicked to the curb by his W. After so many years of M, no one wants to find out that the person they were betrayed for was so young. You sound well with all that's happened. Be safe. Document everything. Take care of yourself.
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 BA is on my ignore list, so you don't have to quote what he/she said...I'm not even going to bother to address it. I don't owe any explanations. Anyway, I just wanted to update, and if anyone can learn from my story, that is great. If not, I feel relieved getting it off my chest!
justice Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Kchia, You've already learned a hard, hard lesson. Harder lesson yet will be to learn to heal and heal you must. Sorry for all that you've gone through.
Author kchiapet95 Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 Thank you, bnb for the clarification. He said that he's f***ed up...he warned me...I should have paid more attention.
Anyideas1965 Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 I know how you feel. I was young and my X-mm threatened me as well. It is amazing how quickly they go from I love you to threatening you if you don't act as they would like. Totally nutty. I feel for you and hope you are doing well.
White Flower Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Kchiapet, you are young and have gone through so much. Your lesson was learned very quickly and you will be wiser at a much younger age than most. Posting here for others to learn was a good choice. I have faith that you are and will continue to be a better person for your experience. I suppose there will always be the type of people who show up at the hanging and cheer it on as if it were a show. BA reminds me of those in the Middle East who still throw stones at adulterers. We are not supposed to love the sin; however, we are supposed to love the sinner. Let us not forget that. Let us move forward-not backward.
Lyssa Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Good thing for you, Kchiapet. You seem to take everything in stride and that's good. Sorry for all the things he has put you through!
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