Author jwiowa Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 I wish I would have found this site a week ago, Am I supposed to be feelling like s**t all the time. You guys have been a ton of help already Thanks
Confused9 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Do either of you have health insurance? Most insurance companies offer you a certain amount of sessions. Also, some companies have employee assistance in times of crisis...check with your employer.
Author jwiowa Posted December 14, 2007 Author Posted December 14, 2007 My health insurance is through my wifes work. Dont know if they cover it or not am waiting for a return call from the company. I am getting more confident in this situation the more I read your replys. Hopefully I can get some contact info this weekend.
Confused9 Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Most insurance carries cover them. Do they have a website? you could check that out too. You are going to need counseling anyway...it's really hard going through waht you are going through. You need to know you aren't alone. But, don't for a second back down and believe her lies! You need to stay strong. You took an oath and she broke it...not you. Also, she may try and blam you...Don't let her do that either. This is NOT your fault!
Bryanp Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 You show her the emails she sent asking to go away together when the OM is back in town and she calls him immediately after you confront her and she denies sending them? She is humliating and disrespecting you horribly. Clearly she thinks you are a total idiot to even imagine that you would believe this. Clearly she has no respect for your intelligence and no respect for your relationship. I do not know how you could ever possible trust her now. You have given her every opportunity to be open and honest with you and she throws it back in your face. She sounds like the type of person who would be caught in bed with someone else and immediately says it's not what you think. I feel bad that you are with someone who can so blantantly lie to your face with evidence clearly showing she is lying. She seems incapable of telling you the truth. I guess my question is what else has she been lying to you about? I wish you luck because you will need it if you remain with her.
whichwayisup Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 She probably is scared to tell you the truth incase you throw her out of the house. If you love her and want to give her a chance to come clean, to make it up to you, to prove to you that she is worthy of your trust again - THEN let her know this...Let her know that you DO love her, but right now is the time to come clean and tell the truth about everything, even if it hurts you. I bet that is partially the reason why she hasn't said anything and she's denying it...That and now she knows she's being watched the A HAS to end, so her having the cake and eating it too will be coming to an end. She's totally in an affair fog as well, right now this woman whom you love and call your wife isn't your wife. She is NOT thinking clearly and until she wakes up, (which is why you MUST push her to talk and get the truth out) this is how life will be.
abeliever Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 jw- Welcome. You will find this site to be your lifeline. Believe me, it saved me from me! I hate to hear of your situation. It is very true of most cheaters, they most often gaslight (lie and deny) til you put the proof right in front of face and then watch their reaction! Sad but true. You have to hang in there. Try helping others on here why going thru your situation. It really helps to offer your best wishes to someone else while going thru yours! It was helpful to help someone else in need like me. That is why I am here sane today. (ok you laughers lol) Well I am here and made it thru the worst part. It seems you can't move, eat, sleep, talk etc. I promise it does get better, if you ask when??? Depends on if you truly take on the truth or if your like me and hide the truth of what the real problems are then it takes longer. This means opening yourself up to you being apart of the problem also. So you can do the work now or later but either way you will get to it. Each person does it in their own time. I wish you peace and growth. Get ready for your life to turned upside down emotionally. But just know on the other side is clarification and a sense of who you really are. It is coming to me slowly. But wow what a feeling. Best of luck. abeliever
JustBreathe Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Iwo, you sound so sad and worried in your posts. I remember that feeling well. Yes, you are absolutely supposed to feel like a wreck right now. Constantly suspicious. Like you're going insane. That's why what she's doing is called gaslighting. Her denial of everything sends you into a spiral of self-doubt. There's nothing wrong with you. You caught her and your gut is telling you that. It is the first thing the cheater does -- deny and lie. I read it time and time again. That's what they do. Please see a doctor for stress meds or something as your kids need you. Signs of lying: Touching the face or hair; looking away from you; responding with sarcasm or ultra defensiveness; being sarcastic and putting you down; yelling, anger, stomping away. I just looked on the net and it says a change in the tone of voice and fidgeting also. I am not one to recomment marriage counseling at FIRST. I think it takes some time for them to realize how serious the situation is and until then marriage counseling doesn't do alot as they are only half there anyway. I think I got alot more out of individual counseling. But everyone is different. It may help, who knows.
JustBreathe Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Iwo - also wanted to add that what the poster above says about being smart and not revealing whatever proof you can dig up is crucial. Do not mention the keylogger!!! Cool down a little and start digging for proof without letting her know. Look for cell phone bills (repeat numbers) on-line, credit card bills (restaurants, bars, etc.), her car, the history and cache files on the computer.
MrWondering Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Don't forewarn OM by giving him (or your wife) any indication you intend to expose them. Somehow find a way to contact OM's wife and give her a copy of the emails as proof. Remember...she deserves to know the truth about her life as well and if SHE had found the emails first wouldn't you have wanted her to call you??? If forewarned, you will be made out to be a possessive jealous pyschotic husband of a "friend" of his and they will deny it all. Then...when you DO contact his wife...she won't believe you. She'll show the "proof" to her husband and he will say it was made up by you. You will be neutralized. I typically suggest you keep snooping as it's easier to snoop the truth than to get a wayward spouse to tell you the truth. Until you overcome the wall of denial...the truth will remain hidden. Good luck, Mr. Wondering p.s. - One thing I did that worked was I pieced together as much information as I could and then on "exposure night"/dday, I gave details I knew from varying sources and made up a few other things. I gave my wife the impression that I was able to order up from Verizon a copy of all her recent text messages from the last 2 months. Although doing so is impossible...she didn't know that and didn't have the chance to check out whether I was lying. I SOLD her that I knew it all....resulting in the "wall of denial" being torn down. Once down...the FULL truth followed.
Author jwiowa Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 I sent the emails to her on Sat. He called the W about 2 hours later, she made out like she didnt know the number. I checked the message and he said I sent them to his wife and they couldnt talk anymore. He also said that even though they didnt sleep together that the emails and phone calls were bad enough. ( dont know if his wife was there by h im or he is being truthful????) I called him and talked to him, he was very sorry and said that the emails were just that emails and there was also phone calls(now that Hes admitted it???) I confronted her later that night with basically everything he had told me and also abouteverything else I had except the keylogger. She still tried to deny the emails but she eventualy took responability(sp) but has yet to offer an apology, dont know if she thinks it was implied or what, but has said she has not had any contact with him since all this came up. I do believe her on that since I do have the phone records and keylogger. So now we are trying to get everything figured out. I am still in doubt that nothing besides emails happened but I am waiting to hear beck from his wife to see what he told her. I just hope that thats all it was, was emails and phone calls. She did acknowledge that those were bad enough. So I will keep all updated over the next couple of days. Thanks to all for your continued help!!
Confused9 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I am glad she admitted things to you. But, where is the apology??? Why didn't she offer one? Does she seem sorry? Are you going to try and make it work?
Author jwiowa Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 She seems sorry and she wants us to work she gave some excuses but then just said she didnt want to lose me. I just wish she would have admitted things a week and a half ago. I think we are going to try to make things work, shes been actually quite nice since Sat. I just hope she doesnt think all is forgotten
Confused9 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Well hopefully she knows better than to think all is forgotten. If you have questions...she needs to have answers. GOOD LUCK!
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