flyerboy Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 I'm 9 months in a separation from a 18 year marriage I recently confronted my wife on what we are going to do as far as cutting our ties for example the house,car,etc.And all I get from her is that she still doesn't know about us.We still talk go out for drives and coffees,she comes over to see the kids,I don't harass her in any way like calls or text messages I've been living my life as if it were over.But of course I'd love to have her back .She tells me that she doesn't want me to lose anything like the house and hasn't asked for anything like material objects or even mentioned a divorce.The reason she left was she fell out of love and there was never another man involved then or now she just wanted some space.Now if I ask her to come home to work on things she just feels pressured and I feel fustrated and who knows a fight will probably follow and I don't want to take a step backward.Now my question is do I give her more time or do I force to make a move??
Ronni_W Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Do what feels like the best thing for you...if you have more time to give her, why not? But if you are ready to face whatever is going to happen, then, well, yes...tell her you want - and deserve - some clear information at this point. You have indeed been patient and understanding for a lot longer than most are prepared to be. Nine months is a long time to be in limbo, and you do deserve to find out which direction she's headed so that you can plan your own future. If she keeps waffling, then you may have to make decisions that are in your best interest, without her input. She may already know what she *really* wants to do, and is avoiding telling you so she doesn't have to deal with guilt, uprooting her life, conflict, etc. Again, you do deserve to know. You can make a decision not to engage in "fighting" when discussing the future. Or maybe, a "fight" (or some other cathartic experience) is exactly what's needed to move the situation forward -- sounds weird but it seems to work that way, sometimes. On a different track, have you both considered individual and couples' counseling? - it could help bring clarity all 'round. MarriageBuilders.com is also an excellent resource. Best of luck.
sumdude Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 JUst keep doing what you've been doing. Live your life for yourself as if it's over. Because at the moment it really is and you have no reason to think she'll change her mind right now. Any pressure will only make her tuck back into her shell. Read threads from ilmw, one of the rare stories that may end up with a happy ending... just don't expect anything..
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