shayna Posted December 14, 2007 Posted December 14, 2007 Hey Guys Yup I'm still lurking here. 5.5 months in after breakup. Together for 8.5 years. I try NC but we share many friends. And every so often we wind up at the same place regardless of my attempting to avoid him. But it still feels so good to even look at him. I feel no better than the day of the breakup- much worse as the finality of it all sets in. All I know is that he's already been with someone since the break but swears it meant nothing and it is not still going on. If it was, he probably wouldn't tell me anyway so as not to hurt me. What would I do with that information anyway? Probably shrivel up and die and stalk them. I know they spend lots of time together as "friends". Why am I so easy to get over after so long together? We split because he couldn't marry me- guess he didn't love me enough for that. That stings so much. And I love him so much but hate myself for it now. I shouldn't- he was always so emotionally withdrawn much of the time. But still, I love him anyway. We had an amazing, exciting life together and would have had so many wonderful times yet to come. But its over and I have no idea from one day to the next if I'm going to pull through this or not. I cry everyday. I miss him every second. I'm in med school and its not going well because I can't concentrate. I'm on antidepressants, and have seen a total of 3 therapists so far since July, but nothing seems to work. I really just want to give up and sleep forever. I don't know why I posted- I guess just to vent.
cant let go Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 It's okay. You're allowed to just vent here sometimes. Many of us aren't even looking for answers but rather just some understanding. Not every question has an answer anyway. Just hold on, it's a really crappy ride.
Graduate Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Hi Shayna, I am sorry to hear you are in so much pain. I can relate, as I was in a similar situation 3 years ago. The whole emotional withdrawal and not wanting to marry you sounds very familiar. I understand that you just want to give up and sleep. I wish I could tell you something really uplifting, but the only thing I can say is that it will get better in time, trust me. During the height of my break-up pain I was on here every day for months and talked to dozens of people. All of them confirmed that eventually they got over it, even those that had been married with kids for over 10 years. It will get better, that's just how we humans are created, otherwise we would not survive all the horrible things happening to us, but it will take time. Please stay strong, spend lots of time with people you love and doing things you enjoy, and stay away from him as much as possible. Don't set yourself a deadline, but once the first year is over, everything will be a little easier, I promise.
kymberann Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Hi Shayna, I feel for you! But look you are better and you are getting better! You knew you had to see a therapist and get on anti depressans. That is taking care of yourself first! It's OK to give up here and there, but don't totally give up, then he wins. Somebody told me today that the best revenge for break ups is to be doing better than the person you broke up with. You had a long term relationship, it takes time to grieve, just don't stop the process ofr it will be harder in the end. Venting is taking care of yourself, so let it out and remember healing happens with baby steps! Best to you, Kim
marlena Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 Shayna, You'll get through this! We all do, eventually. You must believe this. Eight and a half years is a long time to share with someone. You can not expect to heal in such a brief time. The sun does shine again, Shayna. It just takes time. All you can do is ride it out as best you can. My only piece of advice to you would be to avoid seeing your ex at all costs. By not adhering strictly to NC, you are only exposing yourself to additional pain that can and must be avoided. Let your friends know that you are doing NC and kindly ask them to stop inviting you know when they know he will be there. By detaching yourself physically from him, you will slowly begin to extricate yourself emotionally form him as well. Bit by bit, day by day. It will get easier despite the setbacks. Come here and vent, be with friends, if possible get away for a while. I find that a change of scenery can do wonders. Take heart and now that a lot of people have given the fight to get over a broken heart and come out winners. Marlena
Author shayna Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Thanks for your kind words guys. I'm just so lonely these days and I'm scared to death that this women my ex hooked up with out of "convenience" will soon become his girlfriend. I'm pretty sure it'll happen, though he has sworn nothing will come of it. I just can't believe him as he and I started like that 9 years ago. And I just don't know what I will do when it does happen. I'm so depressed. I may have had a chance in getting through this with the breakup alone- but now he had to go and do this (I suspected it because they were spending so much time together- then I asked him and he admitted to having slept with her a couple times about 3.5 months after the breakup). I'm just so hurt he could push me aside to do that with someone else! I know men move on quickly but I just can't get passed the pain. I feel I mean nothing to him because he did this. But now I'm repeating what I've already said on previous posts. I just can't seem to move passed this! I just don't want to continue with all this...
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