I did it

[JMC]

And first of all, thanks for all your support in the other thread!!!!

 

 

I didn't think it'd be this soon, but I saw him today and it's over. I was dreading it cuz I don't like to hurt people - but gee that didn't matter cuz.....

 

H E W A S N ' T E V E N P H A S E D.

 

wtF??? I sure as hell don't know. I've never known anyone to swing thru such extreme emotions as this guy. I really thought I knew him but he surprises me every time. I obviously don't know him.

 

So since he wasn't exactly sad or affected, I was even more. I was crying because I knew I'd miss him. I was crying for all the dreams I had for us in the beginning, all now to be just discarded. Didn't think I'd be in pain, but I was. Now that I'm home, I'm OK though. (I've been feeling like two different people throughout this whole thing.)

 

He just began taking an anti-anxiety med, Buspar, 3 days ago, which I wonder if that is why he was so non-plussed by us breaking it off - or am I seeking and finding excuses for him?

 

I don't understand why the hell he was so hot to get back together 2 weeks ago, if today he just let me go so easily. But then again, he has eluded my understanding most of the time.

 

The good thing is that...I...am....F R E E.......!!!! My long-term boyfriend and I ended things 2 months ago (not cuz of MM, because we were winding down for years which is why I was lonely in the first place). I told him about MM 2 weeks ago and he wasn't angry or hating me, just not wanting me to get hurt (he's a unique person believe me).

 

So watch me now as I go bouncing down the happy trail that I want to go down...which is exploring being single. Which I've never had the strength to pursue until now (always felt I had to be "attached"), and which I plan to enjoy. Maybe it's something about being the age I am, I dunno but I'm excited.

 

When I first came upon this board in October, this is the L A S T thing I ever expected, to be hurt that bad by MM, to get back together, to break up again, and to be excited by being single....wonders never cease. Makes me wonder what else is gonna do 180's.

[whichwayisup]

Congratulations on the start of your new life!

 

As for your now EX-MM, well, who cares if he was or wasn't hurt. I'm sure he was, but wasn't about to show that to you.

[Lyssa]

The good thing is that...I...am....F R E E.......!!!

 

Congrats, JMC! Good for you! There is a lot to look forward to now. You don't have to think about MM or even hide your relationship from now on

 

As for him - you know how some men are. They just don't show their true emotions. You shouldn't ponder on that - let him be. You're free now!!! :bunny:

[JMC]

Congratulations on the start of your new life!

 

As for your now EX-MM, well, who cares if he was or wasn't hurt. I'm sure he was, but wasn't about to show that to you.

 

 

Have to admit, your last sentence helped! My pride is hurt is all. That I wasn't worth fighting for?!! (Even though, yes I wanted things to end.)

 

So thank you for that. I'm still weak that way...wanting to be loved no matter what.

[JMC]

Congrats, JMC! Good for you! There is a lot to look forward to now. You don't have to think about MM or even hide your relationship from now on

 

As for him - you know how some men are. They just don't show their true emotions. You shouldn't ponder on that - let him be. You're free now!!! :bunny:

 

Thanks Lyssa!! Like I said, I never expected my life to be changing so much, so fast. I was in so much pain when I first came here, and now look. I've learned way more about MM's and EMA's and BS's than I knew possible. I really with all my heart believed MM and I were going to end up together forever.

 

At least now I know I'll never again date a MM. I would never want to put myself again thru the pain I have been thru with this.

[Tomcat33]

JMC GOOD GIRL!!! It must have been SO hard to do what you did but you did it!!! Way to go.

 

His nonreacton probably the meds, his pride, maybe he really wasn't phased because he thinks you will "get over it, it's just a phase she'll come around". But I bet you anything you want to bet he will come around again in a few days / weeks they always do. The best thing you can do is stick to your goal and be firm dont reach out. He is banking on you caving and when he sees you won't he is going to question things. It's human nature, if at all to see if he can have one last little go he will try again. If he doesn't it's best for all if he does be prepared with how you will handle it.

 

Incredibly strong of you JMC way to go!!

[JMC]

Thanks TomCat!!! I have tears wellin'...I love you guys.

 

I can't take credit for being strong (or can I)...it wasn't as hard as I thought. I do care for him still but this horrible loneliness of not getting my needs met..sucks!!

 

Oh and I'm sitting here rubbing my hands together evilly thinking about what you said, with him wondering if I'll reach out...or cave....or whatever. It makes me feel good I must admit.

 

And the whole time I'll be moving on with my life and having fun seeing as many SG's as I can...ahhhh.

[Tomcat33]

Thanks TomCat!!! I have tears wellin'...I love you guys.

 

I can't take credit for being strong (or can I)...it wasn't as hard as I thought. I do care for him still but this horrible loneliness of not getting my needs met..sucks!!

 

Oh and I'm sitting here rubbing my hands together evilly thinking about what you said, with him wondering if I'll reach out...or cave....or whatever. It makes me feel good I must admit.

 

And the whole time I'll be moving on with my life and having fun seeing as many SG's as I can...ahhhh.

 

Aww you're so cute! We have a little Doctor Evil in the house do we?

 

Yes you can take credit for being strong, you own it and wear it proud beacause you did it and it took guts!

[Lyssa]

Thanks Lyssa!! Like I said, I never expected my life to be changing so much, so fast. I was in so much pain when I first came here, and now look. I've learned way more about MM's and EMA's and BS's than I knew possible. I really with all my heart believed MM and I were going to end up together forever.

 

At least now I know I'll never again date a MM. I would never want to put myself again thru the pain I have been thru with this.

 

I remember the pain you were going through - your posts say it all but it's all in the past now! There's so much that one can learn from here and you have learned a lot - so have I!

 

If things were the other way around for me, I would be like you - get it over with and start a new life. I'm happy it worked out well for me and for you, it's all over and you have so much more to do now that you're no longer seeing a MM. I admire you for putting your foot down and telling him it's over.

 

[[[JMC]]]

[nadiaj2727]

 

At least now I know I'll never again date a MM. I would never want to put myself again thru the pain I have been thru with this.

 

 

Congratulations on making such a positive change for your future, and learning from your past. You have come so far. (high five!)

 

:)

 

Now you can date fun and drama-free (or much LESS drama, anyway!) single guys! Congrats on taking care of yourself!

[OpenBook]

Good for you JMC!! I'm happy for you and proud of you!! Freedom is a precious, precious thing -- so "treat her like a lady" and don't EVER give her up without a fight!! :D Isn't it great that we live in an age where we (as women) don't have to depend on anyone but ourselves -- and we can carve out our own lives in whichever way we damn well please? I think it's AWESOME -- and I thank my lucky stars that it turned out that way!!

[OpenBook]

JMC GOOD GIRL!!! It must have been SO hard to do what you did but you did it!!! Way to go.

 

His nonreacton probably the meds, his pride, maybe he really wasn't phased because he thinks you will "get over it, it's just a phase she'll come around". But I bet you anything you want to bet he will come around again in a few days / weeks they always do. The best thing you can do is stick to your goal and be firm dont reach out. He is banking on you caving and when he sees you won't he is going to question things. It's human nature, if at all to see if he can have one last little go he will try again. If he doesn't it's best for all if he does be prepared with how you will handle it.

 

Incredibly strong of you JMC way to go!!

 

Totally agree with this. Oh, you'll hear from him again. But you sound well-prepared to deal with it. As you whisk him around to go back to where he came from, you can advise him, "Time to up the medication." You Go Girl!!

[EnigmaXOXO]

Perhaps he wasn’t nearly as affected by the breakup because he still has a safe place to fall? He can go back to the other relationship at home where life and creature comforts remain the same and unchanged. It’s highly unlikely this individual will ever find the courage to leave the safety of a relationship unless he finds a better, safer situation with someone else, first. Even then, it’s unlikely to ever happen because some people just can’t stand the idea of making a mistake and ending up alone. He needs someone to take care of him ... and not the other way around.

 

Meanwhile, you were the brave one who jumped ship without any emotional safety nets in place. No one in the background waiting to catch you and cushion your fall. THAT takes the kind of courage, confidence, determination and self reliance that many people will go through life having never acquired. You are better suited for choosing the course of your own life and relationships, and are now free to go out there and find your equal.

[jj2007]

And first of all, thanks for all your support in the other thread!!!!

 

 

I didn't think it'd be this soon, but I saw him today and it's over. I was dreading it cuz I don't like to hurt people - but gee that didn't matter cuz.....

 

H E W A S N ' T E V E N P H A S E D.

 

wtF??? I sure as hell don't know. I've never known anyone to swing thru such extreme emotions as this guy. I really thought I knew him but he surprises me every time. I obviously don't know him.

 

So since he wasn't exactly sad or affected, I was even more. I was crying because I knew I'd miss him. I was crying for all the dreams I had for us in the beginning, all now to be just discarded. Didn't think I'd be in pain, but I was. Now that I'm home, I'm OK though. (I've been feeling like two different people throughout this whole thing.)

 

He just began taking an anti-anxiety med, Buspar, 3 days ago, which I wonder if that is why he was so non-plussed by us breaking it off - or am I seeking and finding excuses for him?

 

I don't understand why the hell he was so hot to get back together 2 weeks ago, if today he just let me go so easily. But then again, he has eluded my understanding most of the time.

 

The good thing is that...I...am....F R E E.......!!!! My long-term boyfriend and I ended things 2 months ago (not cuz of MM, because we were winding down for years which is why I was lonely in the first place). I told him about MM 2 weeks ago and he wasn't angry or hating me, just not wanting me to get hurt (he's a unique person believe me).

 

So watch me now as I go bouncing down the happy trail that I want to go down...which is exploring being single. Which I've never had the strength to pursue until now (always felt I had to be "attached"), and which I plan to enjoy. Maybe it's something about being the age I am, I dunno but I'm excited.

 

When I first came upon this board in October, this is the L A S T thing I ever expected, to be hurt that bad by MM, to get back together, to break up again, and to be excited by being single....wonders never cease. Makes me wonder what else is gonna do 180's.

 

I am still soooo proud of you! I am so glad you figured out what is best for you and I am excited for you and your new lease on life! enjoy!

You are worth it and I wish you nothing but the best!

[NoIDidn't]

Good for you JMC.

 

His meds probably haven't kicked in yet. It takes a good month for antidepressants to kick in. He probably just didn't want to make a scene. Men, and all.

 

You will miss him. He will miss you. And that's okay too. You made the best decision for you. Just don't let your pride make you keep going back looking for the reaction that you'd hoped for.

 

You may not feel like it sometimes, but we are all here for you when you want to vent and so on about the breakup. At least you made the decision yourself, so hopefully you have more closure than someone that broke up as a result of a D-day or something.

 

Take care of yourself. Expect the tears. Treat yourself when they come.

[OWoman]

His meds probably haven't kicked in yet. It takes a good month for antidepressants to kick in.

 

Buspar (buspirone) is not an anti-depressant, it's an anti-anxiety medication. It's generally only prescribed for short-term use (3 - 4 weeks max). Doctors tweak the dosage the first couple of days to find an optimal dosage as different people respond to different amounts, so it's certainly possible that the medication had an effect.

 

What's more important though is that you're feeling good about what you did, JMC. (He's probably really needing his Buspar right now...)

[NoIDidn't]

Buspar (buspirone) is not an anti-depressant, it's an anti-anxiety medication. It's generally only prescribed for short-term use (3 - 4 weeks max). Doctors tweak the dosage the first couple of days to find an optimal dosage as different people respond to different amounts, so it's certainly possible that the medication had an effect.

 

What's more important though is that you're feeling good about what you did, JMC. (He's probably really needing his Buspar right now...)

 

Thanks for the correction. I know a couple of people taking it that have been taking it for awhile (a lot longer than 4 weeks) as part of their depression treatment. I learned something today.

 

Thanks.

[White Flower]

Congrats, JMC! I am so happy for you. Now you can find someone who wants to fill all your lonely moments with his FULL attention. Enjoy the chase, girl!

[Lizzie60]

YOU GO GIRL!!!

 

Welcome in the 'single' world... you'll see that it is sooo much more fun. just wait!

 

Take care of yourself.. remember, you are the most important person on this planet. You deserve what's best!